Donor Conception General Chatter #3

[Malyna]

Hi Rather Hazy

My DH did his first sperm test about 3 weeks ago which came back NIL. Our doc sent us to the FS who did a brief examination of the testes (which were a normal size), sent him for some genetic blood tests (they look for a cystic fybrosis gene) and gave us our options. He said that he would do another sperm test in a few weeks time and still if nothing (which it was), he would do a procedure on DH which is called a PESA/TESA. This is where they sedate DH (in a day hospital) and use a needle to check in the tubes and the testis for sperm (which would mean that there was a blockage somewhere - if they did find sperm, he was going to freeze the best ones and we would then start the IVF process). Unfortunately for us, that test came back as NIL too.

Millie x

The PESA/TESA is also known as a surgical sperm collection, which is what DH had on the 28th November - they cut open the testies (ouch) and will try and take sperm out of a couple of areas of the testies - one involves taking a biopsy. Ours came back with them only finding 1 or 2 immobile sperm (ie dead) so our next stage of options is for DH to have a bigger operation or to jump to donor sperm.

DH will be out for at least 24 hours after the procedure (in bed on pain relief - most comfortable position - and also coming off the sedatives) and will be mobile (with baggy pants) about 48 hours afterwards. DH reported that while the pain subsided (when he didn't move around), there were times when he got himself into a certain position where it felt that he had been "kneed in the balls" and this went on for almost a week afterwards. He also spend a great deal of time in baggy trackie pants.

Hope this helps understanding the procedure a bit better.

The actual timeline was something like this:
6am - at hospital
7.45am - to the theatre
9.30am - out to recovery
11.00ish - leaving the hospital

[rather hazy]

Hi Tarkine, was that test something you asked for or something that the doctor (GP or specialist?) suggested you have?

DH goes to the doctor tomorrow to discuss the intial test but he won't let me go along with him. I should give him some space, right?

[Millie08]

Hi Rather Hazy

I would suggest giving him his space.. he will talk when he's digested it all.. let us know how it goes.

We are off to the counsellor tomorrow, will let you know how it goes!! No doubt, there will be lots of tears.

Millie xx

[blizz]

good luck to both you girls. Let me know how you get on, I'll be thinking of you

[Malyna]

Yes give him space, but also loads of hugs and reassurance...

The Tesa was something that the FS suggested we try first, although the chances were very slim that they would find anything...

don't expect DH to be wanting to talk your ear off about the procedure - He may only say one or two sentences to you.


Went to see the FS today for our catch up "where to from here" appointment. DH is booked in for a bigger SCC on the 23rd of January to see if there is anything at all there (they only looked on one side) - I have taken a back seat on this as it is DH who is going through the procedure and I wasn't going to put any more pressure on him into making this decision (he has been through dozens of other operations before and his body doesn't handle them well - he had to be resuscitated after his last major one)

We sat down with our FS and he told us we had three options:
1 - walk away from the process knowing that DH can't father a child
2 - go for the donor sperm route
3 - have a more invasive SSC and see if there any any blighters in there at all.

I pretty much told FS straight out that I didn't care what it took, just want to have a child. I think it made it easier for the FS to know where we were coming from and our level of determination to make this happen.

Fs said something about putting me through a quick/short IVF cycle - not sure what he was on about... has anyone heard of this?

[rather hazy]

Well DH went to GP this morning who immediately gave him a referral to a FS. I've made an appointment to see FS on 16 January. I don't know what the GP told DH, but DH seems a little more positive. Fingers crossed.

Good luck today Millie and good luck to you and your DH tarkine on 23 Jan.

[blizz]

Rather Hazy
glad to hear all went well, Have a lovely christmas and try not to stress too much (not easy I know)

[Malyna]

rather hazy.. glad to hear that your DH was feeling a little more positive from what the Dr told him, best wishes for the festive season

[blizz]

Hi ladies,
Hope we have all made it through christmas intact!!! How is everybody travelling? I am excited AF visited after D&C last month so I'm hoping all is on track to ring my IVF unit next month,
Every body enjoy the rest of your holidays and talk to you next year ha,ha,ha!!!

[Caramello]

Hey Blizz,

Travelling fine - thanks for asking! Fingers crossed that my SD got his blood test done last week (we'll see). DH and I just have to sign some paperwork and we're ready to go for IUI in January too!!

Have a brilliant New Year!

[Malyna]

I didn't make it through Christmas this year (won't post it here), but hope that everyone else had a great time

[Caramello]

Ok Tarkine, I'm completely confused - your words say something and your emoticons something else.

Have a strong suspicion that I am being incredibly thick...

[blizz]

Tarkine,
I hope you are ok honey?, you've got me worried, you sound like you need some super big hugs :hugs:and a lot of TLC you know we are here if you need us, take care of yourself

[Caramello]

I agree Blizz - Tarkine it sounds like something has happened, but I wasn't sure due to the emoticons - I hope you are ok??

[Malyna]

DH and BIL and his GF dragged me around the christmas lights on Christmas eve (and I didn't want to go). Christmas is already a hard time for me (family deaths around this time of year, parents, grandparents etc) and I wasn't in the mood, but DH decided it would be a fun thing to do. I've never been one to be excited by xmas, which I think had a lot to do with my upbringing and just can't seem to muster any sort of excitement about christmas. The last thing I wanted to do was to navigate around to try and find christmas lights with the BIL and his GF sitting in the back of the car (sigh).

I told DH that I didn't want to do the christmas lunch thing around his mum's place (as I knew I wouldn't enjoy it and didn't want make others unhappy) but he insisted I go, got there, immediately broke down into tears and that was pretty much me for the rest of the day. Then got to see photos and video of his sister and her 7mth old baby and their first christmas (which was incredibly difficult), plus dealing with their family ring around, where they all talk to members of their family (both my parents are dead ; two of my sisters don't talk to me; my brother and I have a strained relationship; and my other sister is in the UK - so I don't really have much of a family to speak of).

So I've been doing a bit of soul searching and trying to figure out where/what I can do to have a change in my views of the world of late (getting very cynical as the world is loosing its 'gloss' for me).

So while I put on the and the I'm really and just at the drop of a hat. But then that's part of life and sometimes you just need to sit down and have a good cry and get things out of the system

[blizz]

Oh honey,
I understand now, how hard that must have been for you!!! what a lot of pressures to be going through, especially at an already hard and stressful time of year. I can't truely understand your feelings, but I do know how hard it is to face christmas when you have lost loved ones this was our first christmas with out our much loved MIL, she died in feb this year suddenly from a tumour and christmas really sucked this year!! in fact, we tended to ignore it, only doing our own bits for DD.
This is the first year that DH has ever had to work christmas, he was on night shift and got home boxing day morning. It was a really lonely feeling for me and I'm surrounded by family, so I can only guess how much harder it has been for you.In fact BB helped me keep sane knowing that I wasn't the only person in the world at Christmas time (it sure felt like it at times)
Others people's happiness is also alot harder to take. I know I shouldn't, but, I had a few thoughts at my family gathering my SIL's about to give birth in January, i couldn't help thinking "that should be me I should be celebrating my pregnancy along side her instead of again facing the long process and dreaded waiting times of IVF, which this year I will be doing more on my own as DH is only new in his job and time off is a little tricky to ask for just yet having taken a couple of days last month for a funeral.
oh sweety I'm sending you the biggest cyber hug I can manage:hugs: and just wish I could give you the real one you really need, Please take care of your self and try not to give up on hope and life!! there is a corner and you will turn it shortly and things can only get better from there.
I remember getting to a point at one stage when we were first diagnosed as infertile of thinking "how many bad things can keep happening to one couple, everything we did or tried to do kept turning to S#*!!, It is really hard to see your way out of the hole that you feel like your sitting at the bottom of.
Please remember were here and you can PM me when ever you like.(according to another post I just read I don't have enough posts to PM yet but I think I must be getting close well, anyway, I'm here to stay in this chat ) When DH is away I tend to be on line a lot more late at night, helps me feel less lonely. Things will improve for you!!!! have you got a supportive friend, GP, counsellor you could talk things through with? just for you, I know that physically it is DH's problem but in every other way it is yours as well and you will need a good supportive network for yourself, I have some good friends who are angels and If I can be your angel friend please let me,
you don't have to go through this on your own!!!
Allie xxxx

[Caramello]

Tarkine,

Big hugs to you too :hugs:.

Please don't feel that you have to put on the happy face for people in this forum - while we may not have your specific issues (particularly with the anniversaries and family issues - so sorry to hear about that) we DO understand how it feels to be struggling to concieve where everyone else seems to have a dream run and falls pregnant at a drop of a hat, let alone have no issues with their eggs or sperm.

Last year we had a complete time out from the family and had a quiet Christmas on our own - it really helped after two failed IUIs. This year wasn't so bad as we spent most of our time this year struggling with SD bureaucracy, so TTC wasn't the focus. Don't know how we'll go next year.

What you are feeling sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Maybe next time say to DH that you're really not up to the whole Christmas event, or at least have some time on your own (either by yourself or as a couple). I couldn't think of anything worse than being stuck in a car being forced to be jolly about Christmas lights when I didn't want to, with people who really wouldn't understand.

[Caramello]

Blizz,

I also understand what you are saying

Others people's happiness is also alot harder to take

When I found out that a collegue at school was pregnant it took all my energy not to find a carving knife or scream out to the universe - this is so UNFAIR - why does she get the dream run and I have to struggle and struggle to try and have a child?

PS Don't worry, usuallly I don't have fantasies about chasing people with knives but this particular person is completely obnoxious and it really underlined how unfair infertility is.

I hit that hole of

"how many bad things can keep happening to one couple, everything we did or tried to do kept turning to S#*!!, It is really hard to see your way out of the hole that you feel like your sitting at the bottom of.

earlier this year. The only thing I can say to you that with time and communication you can claw your way out of it, but it always sits there menacing on the edge of your thoughts.

But the good thing is that we all DID make it through this year - maybe not with the grace we had hoped, but we made it. And I think that's got to count for something, doesn't it??