To add to this thread, we've been having a lot of these conversations with our SD, and when it comes to any matters that we can't quite agree completely on, our way to deal with this is to all ask ourselves 'what is going to be in the best interest of the child?' - and this is where we most often find common ground. I think to some extent you have to just put your feelings of not wanting others to know, or worrying about what will others; family, friends, acquaintances, etc think or say aside for the sake of the child/children.

My DH, our SD and I all agree we want our child to know from as soon as he/she is old enough to understand that they were conceived in an extra special way, but that it becomes something 'normal' to them. How it's perceived by others doesn't matter to me, and anyway it's not something I can control.

SD2001 - i hope you know how much what you have done for others is valued.