Am i pushing my child too far?

[Muppity]

Hi Sehra

I would tend to agree with the school about not putting him up a grade. Academically primary school is so much more about instilling the basics like reading writing and basic maths and learning the process of learning but most importantly it is about learning the basic social graces and how to get along with other children and how to interact appropriately. I don't think that putting him into a class with kids who are several years older than him will do him any favours in the long run.

As for extra activities. I think that all the suggestions from others have been great, but remember that kids need down time too. It is hugely important for them to be given the opportunity to occupy themselves and use their imagination and creativity to entertain themselves - things like turning an old cardboard box into a pirate ship or a spaceshuttle or mission control or whatever and letting their imagination run wild with it. If they have activities filling every moment of their day they never have the opportunity to just daydream.

He sounds like a really talented little fellow

[Turkish Delight]

Hi,

Devrim had mentioned Taekwondo but i know that he won't be able to do it. I guess i will have to enrol him and just see how far he takes it. I really hate enrolling him into something, paying all the fees, buying all the stuff he needs and then after 1-2 classes he doesn't want to go and puts up a fight with me when i want to take him. Grrr. We did this when he wanted to go and do indoor soccer and swimming. He only attended one session of soccer and probably 6-7 lessons of swimming.

He also talks sooooooooooo much that DH and i at dinner sometimes never get to chat about our day as Devrim is the one who does ALL the talking. I spoke to his teacher 1-2 weeks ago and asked what are some of the things that she would complain about him and she said that he talks too much in class and has often had to tell him that she needed to teach the class and then he could put his 5cents worth in at the end after she finishes. He also has very crappy handwriting. I've bought handwriting books to train him to write properly but refuses to do them unless i sit there with him and force him to do it.

i guess a few of the first things i need to do is, find out about a chess club at school, enrol him in Taekwondo, organise his Spanish classes and enrol him into Saxophone classes at school. I really hope he carries through with the Taekwondo (he isn't like normal boys who enjoy fighting and rough play, so i have my doubts on this one).

Thank you to each and every one of you

[Phteven]

Hi,
I really hate enrolling him into something, paying all the fees, buying all the stuff he needs and then after 1-2 classes he doesn't want to go and puts up a fight with me when i want to take him. Grrr. We did this when he wanted to go and do indoor soccer and swimming. He only attended one session of soccer and probably 6-7 lessons of swimming.

I think that you need to persist with most sports until they pick up the skills they need to enjoy it.
Yasin wasn't too keen on his first soccer classes but after a month or so he started to pick up the skills and understand the game play and now he's right into it. Same with skiing - he wasn't sure after his first class and kicked up a fuss about going to the second class but when I took him to the third class he couldn't wait to leave me and get into the class.
One lesson isn't really giving it a chance. Maybe you should cut a deal where he's only allowed to enroll if he commits to the whole term.
I think that Muppity is totally on the mark about children needing down-time. We won't have an x-box etc in the house because we want to force the boys to find their own fun. I'm a bit of a meany with the DVDs too. They have to have a few TV free days every week.

[Sammiejane]

I think that Muppity is totally on the mark about children needing down-time. We won't have an x-box etc in the house because we want to force the boys to find their own fun. I'm a bit of a meany with the DVDs too. They have to have a few TV free days every week.

DSS rarely watches TV with us as we are always doing something, he watches ben10 sat mornings then the TV is off and we are usually renovating the house or busy catching up with people, he has grown to love this time (didnt to start with) so will either now help or play outside. Some weekends, we will sit down Sunday night and he will say "wow, we havent watched TV since Ben10." i asked if he missed it and he said that he didnt even think of it until now!

He also was not a kid that was into play fighting or anything like that, but the taekwando has helped him be more of a little boy and enjoy these things.

As for the equipment, it comes with the lessons as they are earnt. ie he cant get leg guards yet as he isnt up to that stage, when he is, they are supplied as part of the fees.

At dinner time, why dont you take turns asking a question of each other? after the question has been answered its the next persons turn to speak. Its great that he is so articulate, but also needs to learn that other peoples POV is also important...

HTH

[Lulu]

I agree with broadening his social skills AND having down time as well. I think Scouts/Cubs would be really worth a go as its got lots of different things that appeal. I'll be putting Ds into Cubs as soon as he is old enough.

I also agree with not putting him up in primary school. I was always younger than everyone and that just annoyed me. The work was easy and (guess what!) ended up talking though everything. I ended up being given extra work to shut me up.

I also lept a year in high school, but at my own insistence. I left one school to skip a year at another but it didn't work out as I ended up sick and lost my entire last year at school. It would have been far better for me for my original secondary college to have put me up a year there. No one (except my homeroom teacher) noticed that although I was always kicked out of my yr 9 classes, I was totally at home in the yr 12 classes that my homeroom teacher used to drag me to so I wasn't clowning around outside the room....

So maybe look at advancement in yr 9-10, where you (now) can take extension classes. My DD was doing yr 8 maths in yr 7, it was no big deal...

[Rouge]

I think if the only focus is academic/physical improvement then yes you are pushing him too far... sowwie I think all kids need down time, and not just using their imagination. Television isn't the evil box, nor are digital games brain numbing. A recent study in the UK showed that children who used DS's before school for 10 mins had a 16% increase in concentration and the ability to learn. Yes I'm not one for First Person Shooters or violent games, but I think some console games are not mindless, just as TV isn't. Try not to focus too much on activities that are only to help excel. Its been proven that plain old fun is a very big necessity, and too many parents these days feel the need to push for activities that only benefit the brain or the body... sometimes just a bit of silly fun or a little wind down time in front of the TV is ok. I totally agree with Lulu's post. And keep in mind that often schools do not like to put a child up a few years when if they are suffering socially it can stop the urge to learn or enjoy school.

Please remember children are only children once, and how boring life would be if we learnt all we needed to in the first 20 years of our life!

I think its wonderful that you questioning this, and it shows you really care for your sons future

[Turkish Delight]

Hi,

Niliac - i know that i might be pushing my son too far or asking him to live out my dreams as a kid which i never got a chance to do. Many people have told that i am a nasty mum, in the sense that i don't allow my son to be a kid and that i give him more "homework" than what the school just provides. He is on holidays at the moment and i have bought educational homework books to complete whilst i'm at work. I may be just providing him the work because i know that he is capable. i want him to be "the best". i guess i am the one with the problem, being a perfectionist.

I spoke to my son re: Taekwondo as i was going to start phoning around for classes but when asked him AGAIN whether or not he wants to go to Taekwondo his remark was simply "i don't want to get bashed by other kids". i guess he does not know that Taekwondo is not about bashing other people up. I've explained what is and he still doesn't want to go. He wants to learn to play chess.

What am i going to do with this kid?? He doesn't want to do anything.

[MantaRay]

I think there is some excellent advice here.

I wonder if his talking a lot is a sign of loneliness. Maybe he talks a lot when he can because he isn't getting as much companionship and one on one parent time as he would like. This isn't a criticism - it is definitely hard finding time as a working parent - I am one myself - but maybe something to think about. If you can find a way to address that, it might help him. I also think if this is the case, that some of the suggestions for team sports or scouts etc would come in very handy because it would give him more company as well.

Just a thought.

[didispunk]

Break it up so he can do a little of everything, TV time games time, outside time etc.
He is in grade 2 not in year 11.. So dont worry too much he is a little boy.