How much responsibility lies with parents and teachers?

[nic]

Lulu, I suggested, that it might be a good idea to attend the sessions as I had been told that a few things had changed within the last 12 months or so.
I don't know if she did go or not? I haven't seen her since.

I had a chat with DH about it and was telling him about the conversation. I was saying how I thought it was wrong that she was blaming the school/teacher etc, and then how i felt like maybe I was too judgemental of her, and then I began to wonder to DH if I/we "overparent" in a way? Are we too involved? It made me question mine and DH's parenting in a way. It's nice to come in here and read that I'm normal. Plus, like DH and you girls have said, if they've been through it already with #1, she should have been able to see some signs (you would think) with #2, or go to the teacher and have a chat. It's suppose it's not like it is something that just popped up one day.. SURPRISE!

Thanks for your input girls. Nice to read others thoughts

Nic

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Wow, I can't believe anyone thinks school teachs a child! Well, yes, but tbh school should be building on what's learnt at home - a teacher shouldn't have to teach everything unless it's a specialist subject, like at senior school. But a primary teacher should have parents 100% on board - everyone should help their children read (DS knows the letter his name starts with and gets excited when he sees it - 16m! It's not too early!), count, get on with other children, road safety... basic things. We have 50% of our 11 year olds (apparently) unable to read, write or count. That is not the fault of the school. At the very least parents should teach children how to listen and learn - with 30 kids, if you don't know that then you won't learn anything from school.

Teaching begins in the home.

[paradise lost]

When i went to school at 4years and 9 months i could already read, count and add anything with an answer under 20. My parents were proactive educators and i am the same with DD. We learn all day long here. Today DD helped me sort the change, take it to the bank and spend it once changed into notes. At one point she managed to stack 10 2pence pieces like mumma was and i about died of pride.

I absolutely think the responsibility for her is mine. If she struggles it is MY job to help her, whether by helping her with actual work, finding her a tutor, or even finding her a new school if she doesn't fit where she is. Parenting NEVER stops, no matter what. Your child is always your responsibility. If they are in someone else's care then you chose that care, and that was your responsibility.

Having said that i do know ALOT of parents who struggle hugely with this. I think the shift to 2-parents-working has meant so many people have to use childcare the connections are being lost. I have a very dear friend who's child is having behavioural problems in nursery school and the carers asked her to "do something about it". She was telling me about it and said very sadly "They have her 8 hours a day, i have her 4, how can what i do make any difference?". Her DD has been in full-time childcare since 10 months. She has no choice, either she works or they lose the house, but it's breaking her up that she feels so powerless about her kids and their upbringing. I would never put myself in her position, but unfortunately they had the mortgage before they had their family.

Bx

[Bathsheba]

Having said that i do know ALOT of parents who struggle hugely with this. I think the shift to 2-parents-working has meant so many people have to use childcare the connections are being lost.

Bx

I also believe this to be very true. Well said Bec.

[Trillian]

Ellibugs - couldn't agree with you more hun. I see it as teaching them what I don't know myself too. I admit it is hard when you have more than one at school and as they get older they start to bring home more homework so you do have to manage your time so one doesn't fall between the cracks etc, but schools and school teachers can only do so much. And it is our responsibility to keep contact with our kids teachers so that we can pick up problems early before it gets to that stage too.

I often wonder if parents who think like this also think that teachers don't need the payrises they need? Wouldn't be at all surprised if they were.

[mrsmac]

Can I just ask that all you ladies move o Sydney and enrol at my school so I can get some parents in who think like you do!! (we do have lots of great parents but you would surprised how many think that everything is our job) In the time I have been teaching they have added more and more things to our teachjing load which would have previously been a parental job- healthy eating, drug education, child protection, sun safe, road safety etc I am not saying that we shouldn't teach them but there are more and more demands on a teachers time.
BTW That price for tutoring is VERY cheap I was getting $50 and hour last year.

[Bathsheba]

healthy eating, drug education, child protection, sun safe, road safety <-- yep, that's my job. I can do that! I agree, what a waste of a teacher's time. I'd prefer more time was spent teaching my child maths! (Something I am just not good at!!!)

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I dunno about both parents working - I work, but I still teach DS (and yes, not ideal, but at least DS gets a good school thanks to the area, if we didn't have this house and mortgage and were in what we could afford to rent then I'd still have to work and DS would go to a poorer school). If Nursery asked me to "do something" about undesirable behaviour, I would talk to DS's key worker at a convenient time (when DS wasn't around, ideally!) to discuss how we could work in tandem about this. Although he's Mr Perfect for them, they tell me. He saves the tantrums for home.

But kids aren't daft, even tiny ones. They know if rules are different then they play up to that. I work with nursery to ensure that DS has consistant messages, from table manners to not hitting during playtime even to sleep routines (they follow mine, btw, not the other way round!). That way he doesn't get confused and wonder why boundaries differ all the time. I will be the same with school - if he is expected to learn his words, I'll help him learn his words. If they want to talk about a problem and need me to learn something to support DS then I'll do it. I'm his parent, I'm responsible. Even if I ask someone else, like school or nursery, to help enforce it, it's still my responsibility. I don't see how other parents think it isn't! Even if I only saw DS one hour a week and hired a nanny, I'd still be responsible for him and for organising discipline.

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

I agree that teachers are being given too much to tackle. Things like healthy eating, sex ED (in lower/primary school), etc. aren't the schools responsibility, IMO. Having said that, unfortunately there are kids who won't learn those things from their parents and for those kids, it's good that they'll get some understanding of these things. Though in terms of things like healthy lifestyle, the parents have a much, much bigger influence than a school could ever have. For sex ED, a little bit of info might be enough to help a child understand their bodies better etc.

If a school is willing to have a tutor actually come to the school and help a child for a fee, that is fantastic. My primary school never did things like that.

One thing that I think is completely the responsibility of the school, however, is bullying (in school hours). I was bullied mercilessly in primary school (by a teacher as well as other students) and the school refused to do anything about it. They told my mother they were onto it and then did nothing. My high school was SO much better, they made a big deal about how bullying was NOT okay at all and followed through with discipline. I really hope things are better now than they were in the 90s and early 00's when I was in school.

[onthefly]

It seems that, more and more, primary-school teachers are being asked to step up and fill the gap left by parents. I'm sure there are some who really struggle with long work hours etc, but others could certainly do better. I'm not really sure why we expect so much of teachers - their primary responsibility is, as others have said, rounding out children's education. And, while they certainly do have a role to play in building social character etc in children, parents must take the biggest responsbility of that.

My mum is a primary school teacher. At her last school she had a bowl of apples on her desk that her students were allowed to eat if they were hungry - she started this of her own initiative when she realised that quite a few of them were coming to school without breakfast. She's constantly amazed at the sorts of things she has to teach year 5 & 6 kids - telling the time was a recent one.