As the parent of a vicious child - I will say that a child of almost 3 knows what he is doing. Only he doesn't know why.
Legally, if another child is getting hurt, it is your DUTY to restrain and remove (if possible) the offender. You can't let a bully's rights infringe another child's right to not be assaulted. You may have to check out local law, but I know that's UK law and Aus law is usually pretty similar.
My son has been a real rotter for two weeks now: Nursery told DH but he reckoned it was DS just being a bit boistrous. Now it's serious. Our nursery are talking about if he doesn't improve with the measures we are taking they will get a behavioural specialist in to see what else we can do.
Quite frankly, if it were my child being attacked all the time I'd be furious if all Nursery did was ask for a fake apology - which often wasn't given. I'd want that child picked up and removed from the area, which is what I've told Nursery to do and am giving them written permission as they're a bit jittery about that. Nursery have never blamed the victim (and I'd be cross if they did): if DS was being attacked then fair enough, but he's not. HE has the problem, not the person who "stood too close" or "thought about a certain toy" or whatever.
Lady -Carers cannot physically restrain a child, no matter what their behaviours and centres cannot legally 'expell' a child from their care, as a child is not deemed to be of an age of understanding. It is also considered discriminatory towards that child and the families needs. In Australia, we must follow the guidelines given by the NCAC (national childcare accreditation council) - previously we used timeout for behavioural management, this meant the offending child was removed from the area to a boring, no toys area still with in supervision, we are no longer allowed to use this practice as accreditation deems it to no longer be best practice - due to it isolating and making the child feel an outcast (how it makes the child they have hurt feel seems irrelevant). While I agree with this to a degree, I believe some behaviours are definitely serious enough to use this practice - but we can't.
It makes it VERY VERY difficult for everyone involved to know just how to deal with these very hard behaviours.
I would definitely be speaking to the carers about how they are making you feel by blaming your child all the time. It doesn't have to be directly, but if it comes up (or there is another incident) ask 'What are the other child's parents doing about it? What is the centre doing about their behaviour?' If they do keep blaming your child, ask if it would be OK for you to bite the carer - obviously not, so at what age does it become unacceptable (frankly it is never acceptable)? Ask to see their relevant policy, is there a head office you can speak with further if you don't feel like the director is addressing your concerns?
We had issues with an ongoing biter - it was in the under 2's room (so a bit different), but he was removed from the situation whenever he did it. There was also a lot of discussion with the parents and they changed his routine around which had quite an impact. Him and DD are now best of friends.
Ausgirl - I would be very interested to hear what NCAC deem to be best practice these days for this sort of behaviour??
ausgirl, I'm certain that the parents handbook I was given said that if violent behaviour becomes a problem that isn't being resolved the child will have to be removed from the centre. To quote the handbook, it says "If a child is so undisciplined as that other children in the centre are placed in danger of injury or the staff need to devote an unreasonable amount of time to the offending child, we will call in Child Care Support Agencies with the parents consent. If this action is not successful the parents may be asked to remove their child from the centre." So by that I would imagine that they can remove a child if that child is a risk to others, which this hellion seems to be.
The more I think about this the angrier I feel about it actually, particularly the victim blaming. I think I'm going to take DD out of the centre. I've moved out of the area so its not local anymore and it's also the most expensive centre I've come across (as I discovered after I'd already enrolled her lol). My mother is taking DD to daycare tomorrow and is going to discuss this, I'd rather not do it because I just know I'm going to get upset. I'm furious that the cause of the incident was "DD started climbing over the younger child" (well gee, they're in the same age room). If it were me, I would've out under 'cause of incident' that "the children were being poorly supervised". I don't think the centre is well supervised at all actually, DD had an accident once because she was climbing on a toy shelf and it fell on top of her. WHY was this able to happen and WHY was the shelf not bolted into the wall?? But I digress.
The NCAC has a really good fact sheet on biting It should at the least, Neenee, give you some really good ideas to take into the Centre, to find out exactly what they are doing. Don't be concerned about getting upset - it's a horrible thing to have happen.
As far as bringing in support agencies goes, it has to be a really severe issue before anyone will do that. We looked into it when we had 50+ bites in a month in a Centre where I worked.
As for strategies to stop the biting, time out definitely isn't best practice. Why put a child into an understimulating environment, where they are just likely to get bored? (and frustrated, giving them more cause to bite?) It's far more important to draw their attention to the consequences of their actions - get the offending child to go and get the cold pack, and sit with the victim while they are being comforted and treated, drawing attention to the pain and discomfort that the biting causes. This way they are still being removed from play, but more likely to understand why.
If you're not happy with the Centre for other reasons, Neenee, then go for it and pull her out. Make sure you tell them that that's why too. Good luck!
Cally I am still discovering what NCAC have deemed as best practice - I actually rang and asked and the advisor said they recommend one carer sitting beside the child for quiet time, they are not to be removed from the group but the carer is to sit one on one with them until they calm down. My question is in the case of one child being injured by another, one carer is comforting the injured child, the other is supposed to sit with the offender, who cares for the remainder of the group? Also if the behaviour is attention getting, doesn't this get the carers one on one attention?
Neenee, as to the handbook, this would be a last resort situation in most centres and there is usually a procedure in place to follow before agencies are called in. I would think in your case, they should have started to follow this procedure a while ago.
Snuggly, not all biters are out of boredom, many are for no understandable reason - we do make sure the biter sees what they have done, comforts the child etc, this doesn't stop them - it really doesn't - or in my case it hasn't.
Neenee, as for the centre blaming your child, well, that's just wrong.
My eldest was the target of a biter and scratcher. He still has a scar on his face from a deep scratch 6 months ago but it is slowly fading. I made a complaint to the Group Leader as it seemed to be happening too frequently to my son.
I was very impressed with how they handled it. They routinely split the group into 2 (they had 4 carers in the room) and made sure my son was kept separated from the biter. If the biter went in DS's general direction, he was diverted to something else. The carers all kept a slightly better eye on the biter to ensure he was not able to physically hurt the other children. Also, they discussed the issue with his mother. There were other concerns as well about his developmental milestones so they recommended (gently!) that it might be a good idea for him to be assessed by a specialist to see if they could implement programs to assist in improving his development. His mother accepted this as she has an older child with an intellectual disability and had started to get concerned as well. After a while, he improved his behaviour greatly!!
I would recommend you talk to the Group Leader or Director of the centre. If you are still not happy, then definitely look at other centres.
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