It does sound to me like you're dealing with a parenting dilemma that is a little "out of the box". Hopefully your pead will give you some help with an assessment and be able to refer you to more assistance/advice.

In my understanding, children with aspergers/autism learn to identify emotions from a learned, cognitive point of view, as opposed to the "standard" intuitive learning around emotions. There are book suggestions online for teaching children to identify emotions, but I'm not sure what is relevent to a 9 year old sorry. There are lots of 'online emotions games' if you do a search.