Do you have expectations for your children?

[Epacris]

Thank you, thank you, thank you again for more thought provoking and insightful comments.

When you talk about expectations, do you mean your wants for them, or what you see of them & what direction you think they might take?

Yes, I guess I would like them to be happy, nice, responsible people - that is a want. DH and I will do our very best to give them skills and experience to help them be like that and model the behaviour we want to encourage, but I truly have no expectation that they will actually be like that (so far, so good though ). In the end they could be miserable dole-bludging tortured artists, or worse, developers clearing endangered ecological communities to build shopping centers . I hope that they will grow into people I like and have things in common with, but I have no expectation that that will actually happen. ITMS.

[Jennifer13]

I certainly have some expectations for my DD. I do expect her to consider others in her journey and I am doing my damndest to teach her how. I expect her to have morals and values. I am imparting those that I feel are important, but then, I also expect her to make up her own mind as she gets older.

I have enrolled her in 'activities' (swimming, ballet, next year piano), but that's more to give her a start in a few different things (and swimming is obviously for her safety since we have a pool) to see what/if she'd like to continue with as she gets older. I don't really care if she comes home from school and asks to take up karate or tie-dyeing or chess club though. I expect DD to finish school and I do have a preference for her to go to university/tertiary education (although I have absolutely no preference as to what she does there, if she'd like to do art/music/science/hospitality/philosophy/whatever she can go for it). I know she's only three, but she has a keen mind and a love of learning that I will do my best to foster as she grows.

I think there's a difference between an expectation that is narrow and controlling and a more general attitude as to what you'd like to see. I can't say I wouldn't be disappointed if my child grew up to be an unemployed, dope-smoking, school drop-out with little enthusiasm for life and no plans for the future, because that would be lying. Or, as Epacris pointed out, if she decided to pollute the earth, destroy the forests, or run an arms dealership, I'd be even more horrified!

In saying that, I also expect my child to grow up as her own person and probably blow all of my theories on parenthood out of the water!

[Fleur]

I am going to go against the tide here and say I DO have expectations with regards to values and morals etc For example I expect him to be truthful, respectful (to those deserving of respect), well behaved at school, caring towards his family and friends etc. I fully intend to model/teach these values but don't think its a bad thing to want or expect these things from and for my child (or any future children)

Good point & I totally agree

I think there's a difference between an expectation that is narrow and controlling and a more general attitude as to what you'd like to see. I can't say I wouldn't be disappointed if my child grew up to be an unemployed, dope-smoking, school drop-out with little enthusiasm for life and no plans for the future, because that would be lying. Or, as Epacris pointed out, if she decided to pollute the earth, destroy the forests, or run an arms dealership, I'd be even more horrified!

...and yeah to that too

WRT activities such as swimming , dancing etc - I don't think there is anythign wrong with giving them an opportunity to develop interests or talents. DD1 has danced for four years now, and is very good, grand finaled at Nationals last year but this year is likely her last - she's 'over it'. So I have to go, ok, you don't want to do it anymore - no worries, is there something else you'd like to do?
So, I gve them an opportunity to try things but I don't expect that they will stick with it, no matter how good they are... does that make sense?

I hope that they will grow into people I like and have things in common with, but I have no expectation that that will actually happen. ITMS.

yep, that makes perfect sense. I have hopes for our children but try not toimpose those as expectations.

[Turkish Delight]

I am one of "those" people unfortunately.

I have very expectations of myself as well as my kids and DH. I am a perfectionist.

Given that DS is G&T i expect him to be a vet, dr, scientist, pharmacist etc.. When he says he wants to become a shop keeper, i just tell him to be a pharmacist and that way he can be a shop keeper too

**hides back under desk**

[Roryrory]

Turkish Delight by G&T I assume you mean gifted and talented? If so I think it is natural to assume and go so far as to "expect" that your child will have a career that utilises his talents. Theoretically in the same way that statistically I can assume that since DH has 2 undergrad degrees and a masters and I have 2 degrees and am a lawyer that our boys will end up with some form of post-yr 12 qualifications. But I wonder if you have thought about what it can be for a child to grow up with the weight of parental expectation? I was always going to be a doctor or a lawyer, I was told this by the age of two. I ended up doing law rather than medicine because I stopped paying attention to maths in grade 6. Why? Because I was always told I was so smart, I refused to do anything that didn't come naturally. I wasn't brilliant at math (I only got Bs, not As) so I didn't do it. This is a common phenomenon with kids who are told they are "smart" - they are more likely to see themselves as "dumb" if they fail at something, while a child who is praised for their tenacity, their hard work, and so on, is more likely to see a failure as an opportunity to work harder next time.

I know I am OT and please don't take this as an attack, because everyone and every situation is different. I just encourage you to do a bit of reading on the psyhology behind encourgaing kids because there are positive and negative ways of doing it.

Hugs Cookalooks, you definately don't sound like you have PND!!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

IKWYM Rory - I was always told I was a genius at primary school. Not the case, just the child who came top of the class overall.

At senior school, I was relaxed about work and was still clever. But when I had life issues, I couldn't just cruise on by, my world fell apart... to the point that I was told, in so many words, that I was too stupid to ever be accepted onto a medical course. My grades weren't good enough. I still have trouble seeing myself out of the "I'm a failure" mindset from EVERY little criticism.

I compliment DS's work by pointing out what he has done well. I compliment his enquiring mind. I do use the word clever - but I use "observant" or "hard-working" or something like that a lot more than "clever". FiL just calls him very bright every five minutes, so he's not missing out!

[Turkish Delight]

I'm enquiring about getting femily counselling on dealing with his G&T. I've got a few options atm. We've never had any G&T kids in the family, so we don't know how to handle him. He is quite a handful at times

[didispunk]

My expectations from my kids are

Manners
Be friendly towards others... if someone says Hi to them in a supermarket they are to say hi back its nice to be friendly
Respect others,

I know they are only little but this is when you se the pace for their expectations as they get older.