The parent should not only love the child unconditionally, but do THEIR best to keep them safe. It also means NOT abusing their children. There may be a history but you KNOW how bad you feel when you were abused, why do it to your own child?
My mother may well love me, but she has pointed out several times when she didn't lift a finger to keep me safe and protected (mentally and emotionally) and she emotionally abused me. I'd say that was "fair-to-bad" parenting, taking into account her history.
Of course I can forgive her that. It doesn't mean I have to like what happened or think she's a good parent though.
Last edited by Ca Plane Pour Moi; March 19th, 2010 at 10:08 PM.
: oooops- conditionally changed to unconditionally!
LZ, I don't believe it's possible to love your child unconditionally and abuse or neglect them or fail to keep them safe. They are completely seperate circles on a Venn diagram. Just my opinion.
Very interesting topic but it's hard to reach a conclusion because most of us only really have our own experiences to analyse indepth.
My parents definitely tried their best and they are good people. However, I firmly believe that my life would have turned out quite differently with more encouraging parents.
But the differences between siblings is always quite compelling in the nature vs nurture argument. Temperament aside, I'm really not sure if my sister and I have the same values but we may be an extreme case as DP says he has never met siblings so dissimilar.
I think most of us would agree that children's personality is already pre-determined to a large extent when they come out. As I've said before in my posts, I can't take the credit for DD being outgoing and sociable because she really hasn't socialised with that many children. I haven't nurtured her outgoing nature, that's just the way she is. However, I guess if I thought that she was naturally shy, then I may have made more effort to make sure that she did meet other kids. Similarly, she's quite a daredevil - I'm happy that she is but nothing I've done has made her that way. But again, if she was naturally quite fearful then I would be trying to think of ways to help her not to be.
This is such a great post Epacaris! I am too tired... (I think we might have measles... ) & am typing with half a hand whilst stroking Immy, stroking DS, Gloria (the ****zu maltese) has joined the scene on the bed along with Pat the cat... So I can't answer properly but will be back very soon during daylight after at least 8 hours uninterrupted sleep (aah the power of positive projection!!! )
Well... my mother gave no guidance whatsoever and was in a nutshell: nasty.
I was a bad egg.
My brother was an angel and now very successful, humble, kind hearted and happy.
That said, he had a lot of support from the rest of the family, whereas I was "not so good" directly quoted.
It's so hard to say, isn't it? Psychological studies says nature over nurture..
I love it when you get all deep and reflective Rach - it always makes for good reading!
Is parenting important? Yes, I think it is critically important. Is it determinative? Well no, as the examples you mention show, obviously not. I like what Amber said about providing the foundation, and its up to our children to build on that. I think deep down we all feel that parenting our children is possibly the most important thing we will do in this lifetime. Unfortunately that doesn't give us any guarantees about their future.
Still I think for most of the people who frequent this forum, we wouldn't be able to live with ourselves if we didn't give it everything we had.
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) & am typing with half a hand whilst stroking Immy, stroking DS, Gloria (the ****zu maltese) has joined the scene on the bed along with Pat the cat... So I can't answer properly but will be back very soon during daylight after at least 8 hours uninterrupted sleep (aah the power of positive projection!!! 
)
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