Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ : Daniel Goleman

[smiles4u]

One ' thing' that has absolutely always fascinated me is the fact the brain is still not ' completely ' understood and the fact i question Will it ever be (??) ... That within itself brings on an emotional onset of the unknown for me on a very different level compared to anything else ' unknown ' BUT in a curious and positive manner, now that i immerse in (I think i maybe ODD, LOL)

[Bathsheba]

'Anyone can become angry - that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - this is not easy.'

This is what I was mulling over this morning on my walk doing the school run. Yesterday I felt really angry at the silly receptionist at my DS's school. I wanted to let the school know that my son had missed the first 3 days of term due to illness. She asked what he had and I said a combination of a cold/middle ear infection and conjunctivitis. And I added that today he was borderline... probably should be at school because is bored out of his mind and running around the house wanting to let of steam etc. I said that it's really hard to know somedays if they should go to school because they seem really sick at night but are fine during the day. Anyhow the receptionist latched onto the fact that he had had conjunctivitis... and said that he really shouldn't be at school. I said that the discharged had been gone for 2 days.... and that now his eyes were just a bit bloodshot. She barked: doesn't matter keep him home. I quietly fumed mainly due to her dismissive tone of voice. She didn't know me... I've worked in childcare and am all too familiar with infection control! I would never send my child into a school/care environment if they were at all infectious. But this woman was implying that I would! I can understand her frustration because so many parents DO send their children to school unwell... usually because they have work commitments. Now this is where I needed to make sure that I didn't attack back due a personal frustration that has nothing to do with her... even though I was tempted. I feel like that because I am a SAHM that I don't have the same rights as a working person. If I get sick I don't get to take a sick day! I have to soldier on and care for children! Of course I didn't vent on her. But back to the phone conversation... the worst thing about it was that she basically told me to keep my son home until Friday and that "I have to go I don't have time for this". Well excuse me! So I rang Nurse On Call and was told by a very helpful woman that according to Victorian Government School Health and Exclusion policies a child with conjunctivitis can return to school as soon as the discharge has ceased. Thankyou! That's all I wanted to know... I didn't need to be told in a robotic voice: "Keep you child home from school if they are sick" over and over like the stupid receptionist did... because sometimes it's actually hard to tell!

So, breathing deeply, I reflected on all that transpired. I felt angry. But what would getting angry with the receptionist actually achieve? She probably doesn't even have children of her own. Maybe if I wanted to persue it I could write a letter to the principal? Maybe the source of my anger was my own frustration and lack of sleep due to dealing with 3 sick kids and not feeling that well myself over the past week? Maybe I had to own a bit of the anger instead of displacing it onto other people. I finally came to conclusion that being angry isn't really an appropriate response to this situation. Maybe mild frustration would be a better reaction. Ok... so now I have to let it GO. Time to move on Now I have this little phrase (at the top of this post in bold) of being angry in my EQ toolbox I hope to save myself a lot of unnecessary angst!

Lorelle: Goleman has written another book about how our brains are a amazingly adaptable and fluid (ie not a finished work) and this is one aspect behind why we can't "understand" it because simply speaking it doesn't "stand still" long enough for us to get a good look at it!!!

[HotI]

I feel like that because I am a SAHM that I don't have the same rights as a working person. If I get sick I don't get to take a sick day! I have to soldier on and care for children! Of course I didn't vent on her.


So, breathing deeply, I reflected on all that transpired. I felt angry. But what would getting angry with the receptionist actually achieve? She probably doesn't even have children of her own.

At the beginning it sounded like you believed the receptionist' reaction was due to you being a SAHM, and her possibly not recognising the skills that you have. And this was frustrating to you.

Later, you disregarded her comments because you assume that she doesn't have kids of her own, and therefore her point of view doesn't count?

I see that you are in a reflective mood, and this was something that just occurred to me from your post. Something to ponder?

[Bathsheba]

Not sure what you mean... I didn't assume that she didn't have children of her own I was just trying to work out why she seemed to lack any degree of understanding as to how it is not always black and white... she just kept saying "keep your child home if they are sick"... not acknowledging the grey area. If a child has been awake the previous night with an earache but is running around by lunchtime (no earache) is the child sick or not? If a child has slightly bloodshot eyes but no discharge is my child sick or not? I don't get people who refuse to see shades of grey when there clearly are. I was trying to work out why she refused to see the shades of grey... surely if she had kids of her own she would know that there are OFTEN shades of grey. Do you think I over reacted in my own head? Maybe she does have kids of her own but was in a bad mood for other reasons? Who knows... but I don't think she needed to be so abrupt. And she certainly should have never said that she didn't have time to speak to me.... that was not professional... she should have asked me f I would like to speak to another staff member about my concerns... afterall she is a receptionist... I don't know why she asked me what illness my son had either... I never expected to really speak with her... I expected that she would put me through to the school nurse perhaps.

Anyhow... it's interesting how emotions can either interfere with or contribute to getting results isn't it?

[Bathsheba]

you believed the receptionist' reaction was due to you being a SAHM, and her possibly not recognising the skills that you have.

I said this:

"Now this is where I needed to make sure that I didn't attack back due a personal frustration that has nothing to do with her... even though I was tempted. I feel like that because I am a SAHM that I don't have the same rights as a working person. If I get sick I don't get to take a sick day! I have to soldier on and care for children! Of course I didn't vent on her."

So this is where I owned my feelings... whether my feelings were right or wrong were irrelevant because I didn't act on them. I didn't speak to the women with abruptness... my tone was inquiry... her was impatience. We both made choices on how we allowed our emotions to play a role in the phone discussion. It's interesting how they differed.

[HotI]

She probably doesn't even have children of her own. Maybe if I wanted to persue it I could write a letter to the principal?

I don't think you over reacted at all. I don't think her response was correct. And you checking with Nurse on Call that your beliefs were correct is what i would have done.

I just found it interesting that when the interaction occurred, you believed that it had something to do with you being a SAHM. Whether the receptionist thought about this at all, i don't know.

But later in your post when you had worked out that what she had said wasn't true (re conjunctavitis and keeping kids home), you made this comment.

She probably doesn't even have children of her own. Maybe if I wanted to persue it I could write a letter to the principal?

So making the assumption that she doesn't have kids.

I guess the difference is that the first bit of the story, you thought she was telling you things DUE TO you being a SAHM, and the second you found her info to be inaccurate and then said she she probably doesn't have children of her own.

So Assumption and reaction vs evidence and then asumption

Maybe i am just talking in circles?