Thanks Bath, must check that book out as it sounds like it might be right up my ally of interest
Also i wanted to add Bath my reaction would have been VERY similar to yours today with the receptionist. After my having a career & obviously been amongst the workforce ' world ' until i was 40 to give birth to DD and even though i have a little business on the Net now that's not the same satisfaction as being in the workforce. I too am a SAHM ... i am treated on an extreme level of difference that it actually still shocks me, even more shocking family & friends that knew me for so darn long as a busy don't have too time for everyone am i allowed to call my previous self a ' workforce gal ', they too treat me very differently. Strange though as i still feel i have maybe not the same buzz but that buzz is still there about me. Motherhood hasn't always felt like a natural process for me so therefore i do alot of the time feel like each of my feet are planted into two different working worlds, given that i am no longer in one of the worlds for now. Maybe because i was in the workforce for so long (??) i feel this way, kind of like that workforce buzz is still attaching itself to me cause it was PART of me for so long & i do not all the time but at times do miss it, i truely don't know. I ' think ' i'm not like most Mothers i meet, maybe i could be wrong ... but i don't mind as it makes me who i am today. Bath as far as frustration goes i'm right up there with you. I have found as i get older i walk away from rudely mannered people as i spent too much energy and time in the past on those sorts of people ... and got nowhere with it, and to top it off walk away angry. So now i walk away and ' allow ' myself to feel p@ssed off for a little while as it's natural to get it out of one's system and then find something wonderful in my day after the incident and then bring on my sense of humour and try very hard to have a giggle if not a smirk about it ... and then get on with my day Not an easy task BUT i guess i could say i HAVE had lots of practise, LOL ... NO room for debates in my life ... Just GETS my blood pressure rising and i'd rather have some inner peace instead, LIFE certainly is far too short for my liking. I deal with ' things' in a manner that suits me maybe NOT others BUT having said that it doesn't make me a weak character but a rather a very STRONG one. I SPEAK UP when need be & it can be done in a kind and gentle manner without being ill mannered to others ... if i did it would go against the grain of whom i feel proud to be.
Bath, i just wanted YOU to know i DO get where you are coming from ... and stay true to who you are & never be anyone else less WONDERFUL ...
( A smile for you lovely lady from me)
(Wow, how some of this ties in with a bit of your thread ... Emotions !!!)
I don't even bother wondering why someone is rude to me. I just assume they are having a crappy day and leave it at that.
Some days it seems as if the entire universe is having a crappy day and I know it's got nothing to do with me. How could it? Something like a rude receptionist or snotty checkout chick mildly irritates me, if someone speaks to me like I don't know anything I don't care because he could they know I DO know what I am talking about if they don't know me?
Fark - what a sentence!
Lulu, ... you get my funny spot every time, always wuv your posts ... Please NEVER lose your humour woman or no one else will crack me up as much Here xox
I wasn't meaning to be funny actually, but sometimes my brain is faster than my fingers OR the reverse!
To make my point a little (I hope) clearer - there isn't much point assuming or speculating about WHY someone responds a certain way, not thinking how 'dare' they talk to me like that.
I mean if you want to speculate, why stop at assuming the receptionist doesn't have children OR she would think you would send a sick kid to school. You could stretch it right out and think......maybe the Principal just buzzed her out for not finishing something she tried hard to do, or she got a flat tyre that morning, or that she got home early last night to find her husband wearing her french knickers and heels. You could go on and on and on thinking about why she had the attitude and/or what she thought about you, but I think that's either stewing/overthinking it.
Same as deciding what an appropriate response was on the EQ scale. To me it a bit of a waste of time - esp if I could be daydreaming about Johnny Depp instead
Hmmm.... I think it just happens (imagining why someone reacts the way they do)... it's just how I am... maybe it's a defense mechanism. Maybe it's the only way I can handle the fact that so many are so mean? If the reality was that people are mean just because they are mean and they actually LIKE to make me feel awful I think I would spiral into depression! I think that 99% of the time people have reasons behind their meanness that are nothing about me so why not acknowledge it? I know myself when I am being awful it's usually because of some completely unrelated issue. So why not give the benefit of the doubt to other people? I guess I'd like it if they could do the same for me. So I guess for me it's not a waste of time because it's a knee jerk reaction... based on self preservation. It's probably done more good than harm... if I didn't do it I would definitely be involved in more conflict in my life.
So true Bath ... Conflict yeh who wants that, eeeek (yep rather hide under a chair then put up with that unwelcome rubbish)... But sadly ' some ' people get off on it (as you know) !!! ... Hope your day got heaps better as you need some super charged energy for your very BIG special day this weekend, ... Nudge nudge wink wink
But surely imagining that receptionists husband in her underwear is a funner path to self-preservation?
In any case - it doesn't mean that she WANTED you to feel bad or crap just because she was mean. She may merely have been having a bad day.
If it's not about you (and it probably wasn't), it's not about you.
Why not speculate in a more positive way. It is out of the realms of possibility that once she gets home tonight and unwinds a little that she might think 'geez, I was a bit rude to that poor lady on the phone today' and feel bad? Or resolve not take her bad mood out on customers again next time, to try harder?
OR EVEN this - what if 2 mins before your call she got some terrible news? In which case a snotty attitude wouldn't seem so bad in the scheme of things. Feel me?
More like FC's thread - you need to take the ego out of it. Of course you would feel depressed if you thought everyone wanted to make you feel like poo, so why assume that? Are you that important that people go out of their way to crap you off? Or could it be a brief moment in time that someones manners slipped?
On one hand you say 99% of the time there is something behind the meanness that's not related to you, so why can't you leave it at that? I'm telling you - it's easier!
It's how I am Lulu... maybe it is because I have an inflated ego but I don't think she deliberately wanted to make me feel like a stupid timewaster... I just think she demonstrated a low EQ at that particular time... she lacked professionalism and she's probably not even aware of it. So many people just go through life without even stopping to think if they are being fair or even valuing treating people with decency. Society instills in us a sense of valuing IQ. Everyone knows it pays to be smart with numbers or words or facts.... but does society ask us to increase/improve our EQ? I don't see much evidence of it to be honest. Infact there is more evidence of support for a low EQ: value stuff over relationships, persue the status, keep your eyes on the prize at all costs, take the easy path, get rich quick, I want it now. Are these helpful? I wrote in another thread that people in developed Western societies are turning into spectators rather than participants in life... we prefer the safety of watching and judging... we are become so ego-centric... just like children. And just like children our skills of empathy are becoming more and more limited. People don't have the time to think about anyone elses perspective as they hurry through life in their quest of More. Maybe my choice to lead a slower paced life than most allows me to be this way... I am not the kind of person who likes to be rushed and I refuse to lead as fast a life as most people I know because too many important things get overlooked. But I'm rambling now. I guess my main point was that I identified this exchange with a school receptionist as an example of how choosing my emotional reaction could work for me. It honestly was not that much of an effort. I like the outcome.
ETA: also maybe I do take life too seriously but from what I am told I was born that way: with an analytical frown on my face. I know it's fun to be able to laugh at things at bit more but that's not a glove that fits me... and I think that's ok... I play to my strengths and try to improve my weaknesses. The world needs a laugh but I'm ok with quiet reflection too.
Last edited by Bathsheba; July 16th, 2009 at 05:37 PM.
Not an easy task BUT i guess i could say i HAVE had lots of practise, LOL
... NO room for debates in my life ... Just GETS my blood pressure rising and i'd rather have some inner peace instead, LIFE certainly is far too short for my liking. I deal with ' things' in a manner that suits me maybe NOT others BUT having said that it doesn't make me a weak character but a rather a very STRONG one. I SPEAK UP when need be & it can be done in a kind and gentle manner without being ill mannered to others ... if i did it would go against the grain of whom i feel proud to be.
... and stay true to who you are & never be anyone else less WONDERFUL ...
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... Please NEVER lose your humour woman or no one else will crack me up as much Here 
I guess I'd like it if they could do the same for me. So I guess for me it's not a waste of time because it's a knee jerk reaction... based on self preservation. It's probably done more good than harm... if I didn't do it I would definitely be involved in more conflict in my life.
(yep rather hide under a chair then put up with that unwelcome rubbish)... But sadly ' some ' people get off on it (as you know) !!! ... Hope your day got heaps better as you need some super charged energy for your very BIG special day this weekend, ... Nudge nudge wink wink 
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