Thanks for your replies so far!

This isn't something that i would normally post about on bb however i have read some beautiful, insightful things on bb lately and feel like i can gain so much from the ladies on here.

Junglemum: exercise helps me immensely also. I find when i am exercising my entire outlook on life changes.

~Kim~ : I cant wait to hear your thoughts on the topic further when you have more time. I have been aware of this failing in my personality for a very long time but cant seem to change it. I think it has alot to do with my mum. She has a very negative personality ( and going through what she has in her life im not suprised) but it really rubs off on me. Whenever i see her i feel so drained. Everything seems like a battle with her. Its hard to explain but for example when ds drinks he tends to spit his water out all over himself. For me its not a big deal, its hot, so what if he gets a bit wet. For her its a major drama and he must be changed immediately. Things like that. I also spend alot of time thinking about what is bad in my life and i kinda end up making things up. In my head i know that my life is perfect, my family is happy and healthy, we are comfortable and we all love each other but i think about other things like how horrible it is that we have a small house and i cant keep it clean etc. Its very unhealthy and makes me feel depressed alot of the time. I can get myself worked up over absolutely nothing. Afterwards i just feel ridiculous. I wonder if there is such a thing as a depressive personality... my dad died when i was 21 after a short battle with Cancer and i feel like that has had a profound affect on me and how i see the world. Kind of like an excuse to feel like i do which its not.

AngelPunks: Your journal sound like a good idea. I think that would help me sort out my feelings and may help me focus on the positive. My friend actually mentioned to me the other day how unhappy i always sound because i always complain about everything. It was a bit of a lightbulb moment for me actually that i need to do something about it.

Iv read many book on this subject over the years but nothing has ever really stuck out to me. Id love to read a book that will just show me the way ( i know that probably doesn't exist).

Wow, thats for reading that little essay.