i think you've already taken a big step by saying that you don't want to be like that anymore & that you want & are willing to change. seems like you've already made some really positive changes as well

this is maybe very simplistic & may not be appropriate for you but for me it was a conscious decision. i had a champers-induced epiphany one NYE & i realised that i was looking far too much to other people to feel loved & to boost my feelings of self-worth. i decided that i needed to make a conscious effort/decision to look inwards for those things & if they came from external people, then even better, but i must not allow my self-worth to be affected to strongly by others. it wasn't easy & i still don't think i have it right. but in rational moments, i know in my heart that i'm okay & that i'm mostly happy with me (maybe not the outside, but more about the inside). if i'm not happy then i can change but i agree with the PP who have said that affirmations help. try not to focus on what you don't like - acknowledge it, but don't focus. for me, by keeping on living a way i am proud of, the emotional baggage seems to drop slowly away. maybe look at the positive qualities you have gained through unhappy circumstances - to me, you seem to be the most wonderful combination of advice/wisdom gained through experience, honesty, compassion and fun as well. those unhappy years may have been a sort of hell, but they've also shaped you into the fantastic person you are now.

ok, i'm starting to ramble. i hope some of it makes sense!

big for you.