I just want them to want me to be happy, I want them to see my happiness. They don't, they haven't, and I suspect that it'll be a long time before though do, if they ever do at all.
Leasha, I'm so sorry your parents treat you this way. It says so much about them (to me) and is no reflection on you or Shel at all. I think what you've said above is so true though, we're all hard wired to want to bond with our caregivers/parents, and keep on trying to connect, even when they're hurtful and harmful to us.

Look, I haven't been in your situation directly so I don't have the words of wisdom that come from direct experience but I wanted to recommend a book to you - sorry it's not a Buddist one - it's called 'Toxic Parents - Overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life' by Susan Forward. If you check it out in amazon, you can read the intro and contents. It might help give you a bit of direction about how to go forward but also protect yourself. I do admire your willingness to keep trying to deepen the relationship with your parents, even though it probably hurts you every time.