Preventing the early sexualisation of our children

[Bengal]

I know that - which is why I said in my two posts on this topic that I do think they contribute to the sexualisation of children, and that is why I don't like them - they are just one example that is relevant to my current circumstances as a mother to a 4 year old girl who likes dolls. I thought I had explained that. I understand this is not a thread about dolls, but IMO they are part of the issue as a whole.

I dont have the energy to argue on BB with you about this, all I ever wanted to express, from a women who has raised a young lady, is to let you ladies know, dont stress too much on the small stuff, ie packaged plastic dolls, not saying that exploytation of chicldren is small stuff, I know it is worring to be raising a young lady in the midst of media exploitation of children, and if dolls, and video clips, make you feel a certain way, the best thing you can do is be close to your daughter, talk, talk, talk

[maz]

ah let them play with dame plastic dolls while their little...id much rather that then playing with MY plastic toys

I cant comment on the boyfriend/girlfriend thing Chloe I have 2 arrange marriages already lined up hahahah but I think its more for us mum's of those kids.....we feel proud and it bring's a much wanted closeness of families. I really dont mind me bestie coming the MIL to one of my kids later .

Do we class just the 'sexy' things though for our children? what about the typical sterieo type toys all round for each sex...car's for boys and prams for girls? All of my boys have had doll's to cuddle, change 'nappies' and breastfeed but then the took the doll's out into the sandpit and buried them in the sand along with their cars. VY kidnaps her baby brothers ride on THomas as loves trains like her eldest big brother...yet she loves her babies and is very protective over them. I have never said dont play with a doll/car to any of my children. What's the point? Id rather them be aware of what everyone feels and the joy toys can bring everyone.

Jed and I were a bit peeved on the weekend. We really wanted to buy Vy a pair of bather to take to QLD when we go later in the year. We couldnt find anything decent in Vy's size. All that was available were stupid little bikini's and summer clothing....OMG short skirts that leave nothing to the imagination! Looks like I'll be hitting the wahm stores and buying up decent made clothing that doesnt make my 3 yo look like a 16 yo doing to the friday night blue light disco.

[Olive]

Jed and I were a bit peeved on the weekend. We really wanted to buy Vy a pair of bather to take to QLD when we go later in the year. We couldnt find anything decent in Vy's size. All that was available were stupid little bikini's .

i have issues with bathers too hun!!! i hate skimpy bikini's on toddlers, it just isnt right!! i only buy one piece bathers and actually try and get speedos brand for her!! i'll check out my local rebel and see if they have some!

[Rouge]

DD 7 still has not worn a two piece.

[Lulu]

Oh Bratz are rank.

Maz, The Wiggles brand do a lovely swimsuit for liddle girlies, got Target out there?

[maz]

yep...we were in target at the time.

Jol's - I didnt even think of rebel..thanks for the thumbs up hon

I remember Vy getting a pair of short shorts for her last christmas.....you know the sexy ones that show a bum cheek...completely inappropriate for a 2 yo let alone a 10 yo in my eyes....well lets jsut say St Vinnie were extremely greatful for their donation that next week

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I wore tiny bikinis as a little girl. And as an adult I still do. Same figure, same outfits I reckon.

I dislike "Bratz" not just for the clothes or the too-much make-up. It's the ideal of being a "brat". Who wants to be a brat? What message is that sending too? But I do love Barbie and so does DS. We love accessorising! I do have a barbie bikini but I do have some gorgeous ballgowns for Barbie too.

Flesh isn't sexual. I don't think letting DS run around in the garden in a T-shirt and nowt else is sexy, nor would anyone else think so. Clothes aren't sexy. Wearing skanky clothes and showing flesh and gyrating around with a panful of makeup on your face... isn't sexy. But it is trying to be. And children who want to try to be sexy (even though they never will be, not in my eyes at least) is a problem.

DS picked up a doll of his own bat the other day. He hugged it, said "baby", then dumped it and went back to the cars. I don't think of cars as being for boys (I longed for cars as a child!), I do think of them as being something DS really likes. Just as trains are a thing DS, DH, Dad and FiL all like. And picking matching shoes for Barbie, wearing tiaras and silk scarves are things DS and I like doing together. Activities and objects aren't gendered, but some are generally enjoyed by boys more than girls and vice versa.

[Gigi]

DD 7 still has not worn a two piece.

my 2.5yo wears a two piece to swimming lessons and the beach.

it's a longsleeve rashie top and a pair of knee shorts made out of the same fabric. she's so fair skinned, so it's all about sun protection to me. Also, i think of making it easier for her to go the toilet, whilst wearing her "swimmers".

bright bots sell longer swim shorts at the anti skin council shop in my city, i can't afford their rash tops, but the shorts are ok. the swim shorts i see in the "usual shops" are VERY short and don't cover much.

I agree with you Maz, about the gender stereotyping of toys. i think many toys (think the recent toy catalogues) are absolutely divided, there are pages of GIRL toys, painted hot pink, pages of BOY toys, painted with skulls, camoflage, pirates etc. such obvious delineation by the toy marketers. the branding, the franchising, is so limiting, not just to genders, but also to age groups.

e.g kids who when they feel "that's for babies", will demand an entirely new toy, bedroom linen etc, JUST because whatever it is, has a particular image plastered all over it.

it seems expensive to me, to buy new bed linen etc, every time a child grows out of a phase, when that bed linen, matching curtains, etc might still have life in it. i cannot afford to do that, so have bought neutral stuff.

e.g i aim to buy a totally plain, wooden dollhouse for bilby's 3rd birthday. Not a totally painted, decorated, pink dollhouse from the toy catalogue. i want to give her somethign "open ended" so SHE can decide how to decorate it and use it different ways, each time she plays with it.

the wooden, cloth, metal toys websites hold much more interest for me now, than the toysrus, target, kmart etc catalogues. That way i can avoid the sexualised toys and get less but better quality toys.

i have a Steiner doll and two organic cotton cloth dolls for bilby, they are easier for her little hands to hold and play with and no plastic fumes. (the lino all through the unit, i am sure gives us plenty of plastic fumes already).

i think, that due to our isolation (only one relative, who gives bilby shoes for her birthday, nothing for xmas), i don't have to deal with others giving bilby stuff i don't want her having e.g sexualised dolls. So i get off lightly there.

we don't have teh saturday morning music clips on anymore, but it does cross my mind, while watching So You THink you can dance, and Dancing with the stars, the sexualisation thing. The emphasis the judges place on sex in dancing competitions and also in how a song is performed e.g Idol.

PS i have seen bralettes in size 3 at the "usual shops"!!!

i agree with Maz, do some shopping AWAY from the "usual shops" (when you can).

[Toomanytoomany]

I dont have the energy to argue on BB with you about this, all I ever wanted to express, from a women who has raised a young lady, is to let you ladies know, dont stress too much on the small stuff, ie packaged plastic dolls, not saying that exploytation of chicldren is small stuff, I know it is worring to be raising a young lady in the midst of media exploitation of children, and if dolls, and video clips, make you feel a certain way, the best thing you can do is be close to your daughter, talk, talk, talk

But beyond our own children, it is *good* to be active in opposing those very things that make it difficult societally to buck the trend, don't you think, for the sake of everyone else as well? Wouldn't it be good if there weren't hundreds and hundreds of small things everywhere that added up to this huge culture oppressing our kids? Wouldn't it be nice if we didn't have to constantly be talking, talking, talking, to overcome these influences?

[Inanna]

When I had DD14 I refused to allow Barbie and her friends in the house. I was a little ambitious there... In time she just loved Barbie - but we talked (& I talk with my other daughters) about Barbie being very unrealistic as real women are soft, fleshy and come in different sizes... DD would say "and she hasn't got a vulva!"...

I also don't much like Bratz - my girls have not even been interested in them so it hasn't been an issue.

I agree with the clothing issue too - my girls and my son all wear rashies over their bikini bottoms (or shorts in DS case)... It's a sun safety issue first and foremost.

I try really dilligently to point out that women have different bodies and how amazing our bodies are. That what we stand for, how we behave and respond to and in the world are important - much more than how we look.

It's a tough one - and I agree that society has eroded away that playful childlikeness that many children had and sadly don't any more. I think we have to be dilligent as parents to allow those very scant childhood years to be held in innocence...

[Bengal]

But beyond our own children, it is *good* to be active in opposing those very things that make it difficult societally to buck the trend, don't you think, for the sake of everyone else as well? Wouldn't it be good if there weren't hundreds and hundreds of small things everywhere that added up to this huge culture oppressing our kids? Wouldn't it be nice if we didn't have to constantly be talking, talking, talking, to overcome these influences?

Oh my goodness am I right in feeling my opinions are not welcomed in this thread! You have quoted and shot me down on two comments, I made a suggestion to talk, talk talk, trying to help, I can't change the world, ie hundreds and hundreds of small things everywhere, opressing our children.

IMO if you want to be "good" at opposing the very things, to buck the trend, contact the maker

We can change the world, with the hundreds and hundreds of little children that have an open honest relationship with their parents, talking to them, encouriging them, it starts at home ... and talking happens on BB all the time, that's what we do.

Your post offended me

[Toomanytoomany]

Oh my goodness am I right in feeling my opinions are not welcomed in this thread! You have quoted and shot me down on two comments, I made a suggestion to talk, talk talk, trying to help, I can't change the world, ie hundreds and hundreds of small things everywhere, opressing our children.

IMO if you want to be "good" at opposing the very things, to buck the trend, contact the maker

We can change the world, with the hundreds and hundreds of little children that have an open honest relationship with their parents, talking to them, encouriging them, it starts at home ... and talking happens on BB all the time, that's what we do.

Your post offended me

I think you are overreacting just a little. I simply responded to a couple of points you made over a subject about which I feel very strongly. I did so very respectfully. It's not a discussion if we don't seek to exchange ideas.

[Crystalwings]

Besides all the issues mentioned, such as dolls, music shows etc I think sexual messages are actually happening right from birth. I have posted about this before and no offense to others who purchase this clothing but I find alot of the slogan's on baby jumpsuits and todder t-shirts appauling - 'i'm a tits man', 'the condom broke', 'blondes have more fun', 'caution - blonde thinking', 'i-pood'.
These are sexual/adult messages on our babies, children see this and realise that an adult has dressed their baby in this type of clothing and the message is reinforced.
It is up to us to role model what's appropriate for our children.
I also think that some children's bikini's are very sexual but I also think that sometimes it's ok to wear a 2 piece when it's really hot (as it gets here) and you are just running under the hose in the shade. I played in my undies in the yard and it certainly wasn't viewed as sexual. Teaching your child to have self respect and a healthy body image doesn't mean they must always be covered from top to toe.

[Krisvee]

hmm interesting topic...

I only have 3 very little boys at the moment so really haven't had to deal with this as yet...however, I think "hiding" everything from children is only going to work to a point...I mean obviously I'm not talking about exposing them to age inappropriate things but more those unavoidable things...
Isn't it better than we talk them through these things and explain why it may be inappropriate??? I have watched for a reaction of ds1 (nearly 4yo) face sometime from a magazine cover or something on tv and he just doesn't have one (yet!) but I suppose what I'm saying is that often it's us making a bigger deal than the kids!!
I remember going on shopping trips with my mum and had what was probably considered skimpy clothes at the time - I remember watching video clips that were very sexual but I didn't notice at the time - and I was probably about 10+....to me back then I loved clothes and shopping with mum and I loved dancing to music! Completely Innocent!!!

I think the biggest way to protect your children is to teach them from the beginning core values, self esteem etc and I really think you'll find that it won't be a big issue...

I think sometimes it's important to be careful not banning things or making too much of a fuss because often kids (teenagers) will rebel and want what they can't have....

All in balance I say...

If you put a 3yo in a bikini for swimming do you think she's going to know any different really??? She's going to think - I"m going swimming - woohoo!

I agree with an earlier post - it's just the sicko's that have a problem with this and if they're around it doesn't matter what you dress your kids in...

I do not have a problem letting my boys run around in the nude - I would rather them grow up comfortable in their skin and not self conscious....I think there's more issues with girls growing up with body image issues and self esteem issues than there are girls that grow up to be strippers iykwim???

I guess what I'm saying is - I agree with the thread and I can understand everyone wanting to protect their children 100% but I think the best way to achieve this is through balance and leading by example...and being open and honest about these things...

I hope I haven't offended anyone with my opinions!!!!

[bon]

hmm interesting topic...

If you put a 3yo in a bikini for swimming do you think she's going to know any different really??? She's going to think - I"m going swimming - woohoo!



I do not have a problem letting my boys run around in the nude - I would rather them grow up comfortable in their skin and not self conscious....I think there's more issues with girls growing up with body image issues and self esteem issues than there are girls that grow up to be strippers iykwim???

My DD loves putting on her bikini at home and wearing it around the house. That is fine, I don't have a problem with that. She is also very comfortable in her own skin and will get around in the nude sometimes. Again, not an issue. But I will not dress her in a bikini at the local pool or the beach and I will not allow her to run around naked at the pool or beach either. Just as I will not allow DS to run around naked in public either. I am certainly not worried about them growing up to be a stripper, that is not the issue. The main reason for this is sun safety - a rash shirt over swimmers provides much more protection from the sun than a little bikini or a pair of speedos on DS. But it is also a question of what is appropriate for children to wear. DD isn't old enough to know or decide what is appropriate and what is not. I could dress her in a suspender and high heels to go out and it wouldn't bother her in the slightest - of course she doesn't know that it has sexual overtones, she is too young to understand adult concepts such as that. But I know, and DH knows and all the other older people who she comes into contact know - and that is the point. It is not appropriate to dress a child that way - it doesn't matter what the child thinks, they are not old enough or emotionally mature enough to process it. Which is why it is our job as parents to make the decisions in this area, especially when they are so young and not able to make the right decisions for themselves.

You are right - with girls there is the big issue of body issues and self esteem issues. It has been 10 years since I stopped being a teenager, but I still remember all too well the struggle I faced with my own confidence and body issues and issues over the way I looked, acted, what I wore...and TBH back then the images we were bombarded with in the media, music videos etc were not half as bad as they are now. I do worry about all this with my own daughters. I am going to have 3 of them to guide through teenager-hood, and the trouble is it all seems to start so much earlier these days. I was shocked the other day when I read an article in which 'Dolly' and 'Girlfriend' magazines were referred to as "tween mags" - as in, they are aimed at the 8-13 yo age group! When I was young, those mags were strictly for teens - aged 13-16. My mum would not let me read them until I had turned 13, and she finally relented because I begged. I could not imagine letting my pre-teen girl read those things! But apparently now by the time girls are 13 they are moving on to Cosmo or Cleo It just seems like too much, too young. Which is why I want to 'protect' my kids from being exposed to all that stuff too early. Why can't we just let kids be kids?