Separating how I parent from how I was parented

[Curly]

I feel exactly the same way and I know that because I am so anxious to avoid my children feeling the same way about me that I feel about the way I was parented, I do almost everything the opposite way my mother would have.

I just worry that I will mess up our relationship in some other way that hasn't occurred to me!

In the end I have resolved that if nothing else, my mother taught me how to be the kind of parent I want to be. And as a PP said - I also try to be mindful in my parenting. I figure that as long as my children never have reason to doubt that I love them and want the best for them and I can explain why I'm approaching something a certain way, I'll muddle through it somehow.

[~Hestia~]

Great thread - I'm still new at this too, so am yet to work it all out myself!! Since my sister & I have both become parents we have talked ALOT about our mother & things that happened that we're still holding onto as adults. It's interesting how having your own baby can bring up alot of unresolved feelings from your childhood.
I think curly & beckoes have made some great points though!!

[amberj]

I wonder if part of it is about humility....about recognising to our children that we're not perfect and we may make mistakes (when they old enough to understand that)? I don't remember my parents ever doing that.

[beckoes]

thats so true amber j, thats what i was trying to get at before, that im just starting to see the child in my mum, im just starting to see that she wasnt the perfect, 100% correct all powerful person that she projected, that that was just a stance taken to get her through, maybe if she had sat down with me and realised that i understood a bit. And said ''gee i really messed that one up'' I always felt like she was so much better than me and that my view was irrelevant!
A few times when ive been pushed and ive snapped at DD and upset her i always sit down and have a cuddle and say im sorry and that il try to do better next time, even though she is only 19 months, she gets it. im not perfect, i make mistakes but i take responsibility for those mistakes!
I know that she is her own indivdual person, with her own viewpoint and way of doing things, like Berenice said I think it doesn't matter how gentle and attentive you are as a parent, sometimes it's the child's own viewpoint that creates the baggage, you know? I think aslong as you respect that view point and dont try to squash it thats a good start!