Should you feel this way???

[Inanna]

This is about the word "should". Have you taken any time to notice how often it's used? You "should" feel differently. You "shouldn't forgive. I "should" eat better...

What is should? WTF is "should"? Who invented "should"...

Should argues with reality - or so Katie Byron would tell me... The Dalai Lama... Gandhi... Pretty wise Beings...



What do you think we "should" think about "should"....?

[Butterfly Child]

interesting thread hun,
i know the word 'should' for me comes from expectations we have on ourselves aswell as comparing ourselves to others..which isn't a healthy thing most of the time.
i know its easy to say and look at it now as i know most everyone does use the word 'should' in our lives almost every day
i think its putting unrealistic pressure on ourselves by using the words i 'should be like this' or 'i shouldnt feel like that' etc

Ill be back dd's decided she'd like to party tonight lol

[Inanna]

I absolutely agree honey. I have slowly been removing "should" from my vocabulary. In responses to others & in reference to myself. Because what should be is what is... All is perfect even if it's hard for us to see that when we're right in the middle of it..

So, when I say "should" or I think someone else "should" I correct myself with "actually all is perfectly perfectt!" (it's incorrect English & it causes me to giggle!!! )

The same with I have a girlfriend who asks when someone looks worried: "what's wrong"... I know it sounds perfectly benign but nothing is really wrong... There is an emotion of sadness, guilt, embaassment, frustration etc etc but its' not "wrong"...

Do you think I think too much???

[maz]

Should feels to dominating for me. It was used very often and still is in my family along with the words...I told you so
I often see people posting and even saying you should do this you, should do that and getting antsy, agressive and crabby if you dont listen to their SHOULD advice.

I try and step back and find another word to use, view it from how it will be recieved and how my own feelings would twist from having soneone use it on me.
I much prefer could to should because for me could if an option rather then a command.

[Butterfly Child]

totally agree, its great to hear others perspectives.. i must say i never realised how unhealthy it was to put this expectations on yourself aswell as to have others put them on you aswell.. i agree with maz in that 'could' is a much better would to use to replace should, its made me rethink how i say things and how my words come across to others too.

Inanna- i think to much too hun, it just in my nature to analyse absolutly everything lol

instead of using 'should' to tear down your self esteem using another word to turn it into something more construtive and less domineering it could be replaced with could e.g 'i should be better at this' to ' i could be be better at this' such a subtle but powerful change when you think about the negative impacts 'shoulds' have on us.


now im blabbering lol

[Lulu]

I much prefer could to should because for me could if an option rather then a command.

Awesome! I likey very much.

[Nelle]

I think I would be pretty reluctant to say should to someone else, as in 'you should'.

But for myself, I think it just represents my standard for myself. I should tell the truth because I believe it's the right thing for me to do. I should exercise and take care of myself. If i don't do what I 'should' I don't beat myself up for falling short of my standard. Just because I should do something doesn't mean I will. It just means that in theory, I want to.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Woah there! Should is great! How else can I make everyone else feel inadequate and know that I'm the best? (Other than just by breathing, that is.)

Should does have a place. But it's a small place. Like "you should use the loo for your wees". That's perfectly perfect! That is a you should, not a could you.

I don't like "what's wrong" either. Nothing is WRONG, just something is out of place mentally. And that's all well and good and part of being human. Thinking of good... you ain't, love. I'm asking how you are, to which you can be well or unwell. Good just don't come into it.