hi everyone it has been a while since i have posted anything,
me and my partner have been trying to fall pregnant since may last year to no success i have extensive endo, may this year i had surgery to clean things up a bit but is starting to come back in the last 2 months with eregular periods again and intense pain so have more visits coming up next month with a gyno again.
recently i have found out my sister is pregnant which devestated me she fell pregnant with out even trying so me and her have sorta stopped talking.
I have gotten to the stage now that i cant talk to any of my family cause everytime i do its always about my sister and what is going on with the pregnancy and how happy everyone is about it and what they have bought for it etc etc. my family say they underrstand what i am going through but i dont think they do and dont realise how hard it is on me not being able to fall pregnant when me and my partner really want kids we would be happy with 1, i am the only one in my family with endo.
i just fell like i am hitting a brick wall
Oh Shazam - I really feel for you. It is so hard to keep going when everyone around you is falling pregnant. The only thing that keeps me sane is realising that the pregnancy of friends/family is THEIR journey, and my DH and I are on a journey of our own - a far longer one but (hopefully) with richer rewards.
Sometimes I have to white knuckle it and just hold on to get through. My advice is to cry often to let out your grief. Don't go to family functions if you know you can't cope - or at least go and have a cry in the car. Unfortunately it is really hard for family to understand.
The other thing is please come and talk in on of the LT TTC threads - there are heaps of people there that will understand your pain.
Sorry to hear your doing it so tough - I really feel for you as I know exactly where your coming from......
I know from experience that these are the hardest times when everyone else seems to so easily have the one thing you would give your right arm to have and often they complain about it too..... Its ok to be sad and to grieve but it is also important to celebrate their triumphs too even if its from a distance..... You have to look after you first.... If you don't feel up to getting together and celebrating don't force yourself to as this can be worse than not attending family get togethers at all.... People tend to get the wrong end of the stick......
People without endo don't realise how tough you do it and how day to day things they take for granted are things that don't happen for endo suffers so easily....... I have lost count of the times that I have been asked the question "So when are you going to start a family" (finally when that happened) the tune changed to " Well, don't you think you should give your daughter a brother or sister????" or they would say that it was unhealthy for a child not to have siblings and they would end up spoilt!!!! that makes me see red..... if they only knew..... they would be ashamed of their comments..... totally insensitive and they just don't realise how much you would have liked to conceive or have more than one child.
I go to a large church where everyone knows each other and there is always more than one person pregnant..... it was so hard for years and years when someone else would announce that they were expecting or had decided to try for a baby and then within weeks you would hear they were pregnant.... there were times when I could not sit through a whole church service and would break down and cry and walk out part way through..... it was a real test of my faith and what I believed in. Often people could not understand why I would cry at the simplist things and why I would not turn up to baby showers that were held after a while.... did the first dozen but after that it was like torchering myself seeing all these happy people being able to do the one thing my heart desired but did not have.... When I was a little girl I dreamt of growing up having the house and the kids too..... very disappointing when your fairy tale turns into a nightmare........
Eventually seven years ago I was blessed and lucky enough to conceive..... And had our precious and beautiful DD.......
However we are still trying to conceive after another five years of trying...... for a sibling that my DD so desperately wants.......
DD is aware that I am going into hospital for my "broken tummy" and is already planning the arrival of her baby sister or brother.... she says she is not fussy but is not taking NO for an answer.... she is determined to get a brother or sister one way or another pity it's not that easy.....
I hope things improve for you ..... I would talk to your family about how your feeling. Express how happy you are for your sister but how hard it is for you when you have tried so long .... I would even talk to your sister too..... maybe ask them to imagine how it would be to walk a mile in your shoes (get them to imagine not having the one significant thing in their lives that they hold dearest to their hearts though no fault of their own) and go without the one thing that matters to them and with only the hope of having that one dream happen while everyone else has the thing that they desire and are celebrating and talking about it......
Its hard I know {{{{HUGS}}}} - it helps to talk about it and share with people who have walked a mile in your shoes so don't be a stranger...... I have posted a thread on this forum where people can add how they are travelling with their journeys ..... so don't be afraid to post and seek help because that is what this forum is all about......
I can understand what your going through, in the respect that while i suffer from PCOS which i seemed to have inherited, my 17 year old sister who i live with had a little boy last September. Living in the same house while she was going through the pregnant motions then the baby shower and the birth and all that follows i found it really hard. When i first found out she was pregnant i was so hurt and angry and stopped speaking to her. I didnt speak to anyone about and still havent which possibly made things worse so maybe the best thing is to speak to your sister and discuss how you feel. My sister and i couldnt be closer now and although i would have loved to have been the first to give my parents a grandchild, i wouldnt give up my nephew for the world, and i wouldnt sacrifice the bond i now have with my sister.
Shazam ((((hugs))))
I can realte to how low you are feeling right now.. I have been feeling pretty sad since my surgery and the thought of not being able to conceive has been weighing on my mind since. I am so afraid that I wont be able to ttc and seeing my sister and other people with their children brings back the thought a million times over.
I hope things improve for you and i am postive they will, i know its tough i completely understand that its one of those things that surgery fixes temporaily. Have you tried the endo diet? have you considered seeing a naturopath or homeopath who specialises in fertility?
just need a sholder to cry on
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pity it's not that easy.....
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