I cannot help you with bulk of your post Leasha, but I am wondering if some of the troubles you and Shel have had has helped contribute to this feeling? Sorry if that is a bit too up front its just a thought.
I think regardless, you need to be up front with Shel and let her know how you are feeling. Even if you say that at the moment this is how you are feeling then reaccess again in 6 months time?
Of course I am coming from having no children yet so cannot relate to the feeling you have of being completely satisfied with Jazz.
Leash - i think there are many things to take into consideration here - some of the stuff that Nae mentioned with Shel is probably playing on your mind to a degree and may be impacting your thoughts - as much as you have, in the past, talked about her being the tummy mummy next time and then being the SAHM with both kids, and given she's not being very helpful with one, it would have you thinking a lot about what impact it will have on not only your relationship, but the way your kidlets are raised
i also think you've done it tough to not only get Jazz (AC is damn hard) but to get through to now with BF issues, and essentially (no offence to Shel) being a single mum a lot of the time. Shel is there for some support, but your relationship has been pretty rocky and, from a physical standpoint, you've done most of what has needed to be done for Jazz. she's still a baby, but she's past that fully reliant on you part of her life - she is independent to a degree, has developed a personality - and now she's company for you, not just a baby that needs you to do it all for her.
thinking of TTC again in a year has to be pretty full on - not only are you contemplating Jazz being a little over two and going BACK to newborn stage, you're thinking of who will carry the baby, what impact it will have on you and Shel etc. maybe now just isn't the right time to be thinking about it. there is so much to think about when contemplating another child - and in your circumstances, nothing is left up to chance - you HAVE to be calculated about timing, you have to be able to organise finances. it's scary stuff, ESPECIALLY when you're feeling content in your life
as Nae said - give it a few months - see how you are feeling as an individual, a partner, and a mummy - and if you think that you only want one still, then so be it. there is nothing at all wrong with being an only child. if Shel thinks you NEED to have another child, then you need to work through the issues you have so that you're on the same page re raising two, joint parenting responsibilities etc...
All I can say is never say never. You might stay happy with Jazz forever, you might have another in 2 years, you might wait 10 years.
Its obviously a bit more complicated for you guys to have kids than most of us, so I wouldn't blame you at all for settling on one. You guys haven't exactly had a walk in the park, but you have come along way!
It is a decision that only you guys can make.
Just thought I'd put my 2 cents in - I posted almost the exact thing a couple of months ago. I always wanted 2 or 3 kids but now that I've got DS (he turns 1 today BTW - ) I just can't imagine 'sharing' myself with another child.
We're just going with the flow. If we never get that urge for another child then we'll stick to one...and if we change our minds down the track, that's fine too.
I think it's completely 'normal' to feel this way, especially when bub is still so young. The most important thing is to make sure you and your partner are communicating about it.
I COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from Leasha.
If it wasn't for my age, I would be very happy to wait until DD goes to school before having another. I absolutely love being able to spend so much one-on-one time with her that I can't imagine not being able to read her a book/go for a walk whenever we feel like it if I also had a newborn to take care of. I'm a bit of a perfectionist so if I think about it in advance, it strikes me that I would be dividing my attention between two and to me that FEELS a bit half-arsed. Now, I'm sure that if and when it actually happens I won't actually feel I'm doing a half-arsed job, I'll feel like I'm doing a no-arsed job some days and a kick-arse job on others. But that's just the way the mind works when it thinks too much. And my mind can always see cons more easily that it sees pros.
Alas, my age means that we can't delay.
As the others have said, if you're not feeling supported by Shel that would have to weigh very heavily on your mind too.
There's no rulebook to say that you have to TTC next year. You can change your mind (and change it back again) - so take the pressure off yourself a bit.
I guess i can't talk from the side of what it must be like going through the TTC process with AC...
BUT: i had to have a skim of Jazz's ticker as i like to see the age of bubs when i see these kind of ponderings...in my [short] experience, i have found the 9 month age period with bubs to be a time of reflection. bubba is usually in a more set pattern, their personalities are really there and there is a semblance of the future life that you will lead and it can feel really nice. especially after all the hoopla and carouselling of the newborn/new baby daze.
i guess the 9 month mark is a time when you can truly hold your head up high for a big breath of fresh air, and go: okay, so what's the story ppl!'...
i went through this and really began to wonder if i would ever want to go for another baby. i was finally happy with the balance DD and I and DH had worked out and i was a bit frightened what a new baby could put into the mix. i was a bit disappointed with myself for these thoughts and was a bit anxious about it, as i knew that pre-kids i wanted to have 2. so in the end, i gave myself permission to take time to enjoy the moments i was experiencing with DD and DH and if the yearning came for another baby to go with it. a good friend once said to me, that the time for another baby is when all your doubts and fears fade away in comparison to your drive to have another. and the moment that that happened for me, BINGO. want another baby. my DD is now 20 months, and this flashbulb of my reproductive self only just went off about a week ago. no stopping it now LOL!
IMO i know it's tough to not analyse the way we feel about the future babies we may or may not have, but sometimes just allowing yourself to let go and allow yourself come to that conclusion is the best way. i do really think that it is important to talk this through though with Shel. allow her to have time to process what you feel so that she can give you her perspective and support. and no doubt, things will find a natural balance and in its own right time you'll know if you are really done or not.
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) I just can't imagine 'sharing' myself with another child.
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