thread: Any single Mums

  1. #1

    Any single Mums

    Do we have any single mums out there?? Or did you used to be a single mum but are now living with a partner or married again.

    How did or do you cope being a single mum?

    Love :smt049

  2. #2
    BellyBelly Member

    Jun 2003

    Ok here is my story ... a very abridged version of it. If anyone has any questions feel free to ask and I will answer them. There is so much more to coping as a single parent and I am sure that there were times I felt like I had done the wrong thing but I don't actually remember those times. What I do remember is being proud of myself for finishing Uni and being proud of the fact my kids were happy for the most part!!! I have to add that I never actually set out to find a new partner ... I was happy to have friends to spend time with (male & female) and when I joined an internet dating site, it was more to increase my circle of friends and if I happened to meet someone then that would be a bonus. Anyway, here is my story ... the short version LOL!!

    I was a single Mum not so long ago and know the feelings of loneliness and need for adult conversation. I seperated from my XH in September 1999 when Emma was almost 4 and Jack was 14 months old. We left after counselling failed to help us sort through our problems and he disclosed that he had never really loved me. The night he told the counsellor that was the night I rang my Mum & Dad and told them I was leaving him!

    I moved with the kids back to Adelaide and was lucky that I was already enrolled at Uni, studying for my teaching degree. I changed from being an external student to being an internal one and that helped me a lot. A lot of people ask me how I coped with 2 young kids and full time study and I have to say that I found it quite easy. The kids spent every second weekend with their Dad and had a huge amount of support from my Mum & Dad, emotionally more than anything else.

    The feeling of loneliness never really goes away, you really do just learn how to deal with it. For me I used to spend a lot of time chatting in chat rooms online and made some great friends from it (as well as meeting my DH). I also had study to do which couldn't be put off and I would spend a lot of time doing me things ... taking a nice hot bath and reading a good book, once the kid were in bed.

    I was lucky in that if I needed some help with baby sitting I had my parents but I used to make sure I went out on the weekends when the kids were with their Dad and sometimes I would stay home with a nice bottle of wine (Brown Brother's Crouchen & Reisling or Amberly Chenin Blanc are my recommendations ... not too expensive and a very nice drop LOL!!!) and chat to friends on line or I would hire a movie I had been dying to see but couldn't get to and watch it after I had a nice long hot bath and got into my PJ's.

    I used to make sure it wasn't all about routines, while I had to have them for the mornings we also used to maek sure we had lots of spur of the moment times. Having fun was our way of making sure that we all stayed emotionally healthy! Fun for us was all of us cooking dinner together and then having a picnic in front of the TV for dinner ... not too exciting I know but my kids loved it. We also used to have take away once a week. It stretches the budget but the kids loved it and it made for an easy night for me. Pizza was our favourite because on Tuesday nights I used to be able to pick up a large pizza for $4 so we used to get 2 of them (to the point where I would walk in and the order would be written before I even got to the counter!!!)


  3. #3
    lovebourbon Guest

    Single Mum

    I am a single mum with a 15mth old son, I have been on my own with him since my pregnancy. My Ex without having a big winge cheated, lied and decieved me before, during and after my pregnancy. I got on with my life and we tried to reconcile. I am now 3 mths pregnant with our 2nd child and I have called things off between us as I cannot get over the things he done. I am worried about how I wil cope financially and emotionally but I tell my self I am strong and have done this before. My son has motivated me and during his first year I became a qualified beautitian and now hope to complete my training to be a beauty therapist. I say all this because I have never been so lonely or felt so isolated as I have done since my first pregancy. I have no friends who are single mums and find it hard to maintain friends who are still in party mode. However I love my son and will love this baby to, I just wish that while I feel able to achieve my goals, I didnt feel so stuck in baby mode and nothing else.... Do I sound awful? Selfish? I hope not because not a day goes by where I am not amazed by my son. I just wonder what lies ahead for me now.

  4. #4
    saz229 Guest

    I don't know how I missed this forum before...

    I am a single mum. I have been single since before I found out I was pregnant. My son is nearly 3 1/2 now and we have had our ups and downs. He has regular contact with his father, but I can't say wheather this is a good thing or not. It is a huge disturbance in our lives, but we deal with it as best we can.

    I am studying to be a professional Counsellor, whilst also working part time to support us. I love my job and my study, but I often miss spending time with my 'baby'. That said, sometimes, like lovebourbon, I wish that I could leave it all for a while and do what I want. I don't think it is selfish to feel like this. I know a lot of single (and some married) mothers feel like this. It is a demanding job and we all deserve to feel a bit selfish and make ourselves feel special and human - and not always a mother. This is why I returned to work - so i could be a grown-up and been known for myself not for my child.

    It takes a lot of work to do this on your own. Don't feel bad about wanting to take time for yourself.

  5. #5
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    May 2004

    I thought I may as well jump in here too... i have been a single mum more than not.
    I was a single mum up until I met my partner in 2001. I had had 1 bf inbetween time, it only lasted 4 months, having a young child can relly be hard on a relationship. So my main priority was my DD and it was HARD!!

    I moved to melb. to pursue my acting caree, away from friends and family, which made it even harder, it was dificult to get out and meet new ppl.

    Eventually I move closer to home and started uni, after a year or so I met my now partner, and we have another beautiful DD and another on the way.

    So I hope I may be of some support to those who are single parents.


  6. #6
    lovebourbon Guest

    Hi Kelly
    I notice we are the same age as are our kids. Im on msn if you or anyone else for that matter here would like to add me, Always on for a chat

  7. #7
    lovebourbon Guest

    Kellie .... Sorry dont you hate that

  8. #8
    yummymummy Guest

    Hi all,

    I'm a single mum to my 3 month old Jordan. If any of you want to add me to your messenger for a chat my email is [email protected]

  9. #9
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Aug 2003

    Hey I'm a single mum to Ashlea, who just turned three.
    Yes i agree that it is hard work, but i think being a mum full stop is hard work anyway. I dont feel any worse off since splitting with Ashy's dad when she was 16 months. I work part time, study part time and spend the rest of the time with Ash. Her dad and i have our moments of getting along well and not so well other times, but he has her while i work one day and one day while i am studying so she is only in day care two days.
    Although i have no family here, i do have some great friends that i would go insane without!
    Ash has gone away this weekend with her grandma and i am missing her like crazy! I thought i would really enjoy the break, but apparently not!!

  10. #10

    Nov 2004

    I was a single mum up until i got married 6/11/04 DH and i were only together for 5 months before we married, and my son Xander is 18 months old on 1/1/05. Was on my own from day one, throughout pregnancy and from birth. Luckily had very supportive parents, as i was only 18 years old, turned 19 6 weeks before Xander was born. Was very lonely, as being so young, relationships with men near my age never seemed to work - they wanted to go clubbing and drinking, and i was at home looking after a baby. I was luckily enough to have a good friend Ryan who stuck by me and listened everytime i cried about another failed relationship. One day i realised that i had more than just friendly feelings for ryan, and a relationship developed. 3 weeks later, he proposed and i accepted. That night (approx) our son was conceived, and we decided to bring our wedding forward. and just before our 6 month anniversary we joined hands in matrimony. I never thought any guy would want me and my son (i know it sounds awful, but Xanders dad is a possibility of 2 guys, one told me he shot blanks, and recently got one of my friends preggers, and the other was just a casual friend, and although we used condoms, one broke... but ryan says he's Xanders Dad, and the other 2 have made it clear they want nothing to do with my gorgeous little boy) Ryan and i are expecting our second child on 7/4/04.

  11. #11
    FaithHadassah Guest

    Hi Everyone... I'm Faith, 23y.o single mum of a very beautiful DD, named Hadassah. It's been just the two of us, plus a wonderful Grandma since just before I was 12 weeks pregnant.

    Long story short, DD's dna donor/father (token gesture) and I did the long distance thing for almost 18 months, and then I moved down to be with him in Sydney... that lasted a whole 3 months. I fell pregnant straight away, despite that huge problems we were having. He was cheating, drinking so much it was great when he was sober... so rare! He turned aggressive and violent, I had no money to leave, no way of leaving (his mate, our housemate was a pig and worked opposite shifts, so he would never have let me leave). Finally convinced him to move into our own place, telling him we could make it work that way... my mum sent me the money to get me and the car full of my stuff on the train... had to carefully pack bits and pieces over a few days (I had a high risk pregnancy, so I couldn't do too much at once), but not so much he would notice. Finally left on the Friday while he was at work, jammed everything into the car that I could fit (only my stuff and kitchen stuff he would never use, that I had bought).

    I haven't seen him since the morning he left. He didn't want Dass, and he's never bothered to come up to meet her. He's point blank refused, which lightens my load considerably. I find it hard to comprehend, but it's not really my issue or something I can change. I keep in fairly regular contact with his mum and elder sister though; it's not their fault that things have turned out this way, and I don't want Dass growing up estranged to their family. Speaking of them, I should really email his mum again... slacker! lol

    I enjoy being a single mum, and even though yes, it's bloody hard at times, and I miss having someone special in my life, I know that I'm not ready for a longterm relationship yet. I want to be a strong as I possibly can in myself before I get into something serious, because I refuse to become a weak woman... but that doesn't stop me having a damn good perve lol!!!! Sorry, I'm a shocker!