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Thread: Aren't we all good mothers?

  1. #1

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    Default Aren't we all good mothers?

    Aren't we all good mothers?

    Why the competitiveness? Aren't we all good mothers?

    If you birthed your baby naturally are you a better mother?

    If you sleep with your baby are you a better mother?

    If your baby never cries are you a better mother?

    If your baby sleeps by the time they are 6 mths old are you a better mother?

    If you breastfeed your baby are you a better mother?

    If you don't use disposable nappies are you a better mother?

    If your baby doesn't have tantrums are you a better mother?

    If your baby walks, talks, toilet trains early are you a better mother?

    If your baby is independant are you a better mother?

    If you never go back to work or put your child in child care are you a better mother?

    If your baby wears brand names are you a better mother?



    If you are always happy being a mother are you a better mother?

    If your house is always clean are you a better mother?

    If you are a good cook, and always bake are you a better mother?

    I look back at my childhood, and I look at my mother and I don't think any of these things would make me think "Gee I love my mum, look what she did for me". When I think of the things I wanted from my mother, I wanted love. Pure plain and simple, to be loved unconditionally, to be thought of to be a priority in her life. I was bottle fed and I slept alone in my cot from very early on, I was smacked, I tantrumed and I can even remember having accidents as a kid. Now none of these things make me look back and think... I had a bad mother. So why do we think that of ourselves or others?

    We are all good mothers no matter how we parent, and just because some people do things differently doesn't make it wrong it just makes us individuals and a product of choice, thank goodness for that. We all want whats best for our children and I don't think anyone thinks "I'm going to give my child a bottle because I don't love them enough to breastfeed" Nor do I look at someone else and think "She mustn't love her child because she puts him in childcare". I thought we were trying to become more tolerant not less.

    We are all good mothers!
    Last edited by Rouge; May 7th, 2013 at 02:30 PM.

  2. #2

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    That is so true Cailin

  3. #3

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    Since having Matilda I have realised what "the mother's guilt" is. When things don't always go according to plan, we blame ourselves. When we hear that some way things could be done better, we blame ourselves. When someone else is having a great time, we blame ourselves for not.

    I really love the way you have put it Cailin, and it reminds me that love is the most important gift I could give Matilda.

  4. #4

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    I agree 100% Cailin

  5. #5
    Debbie Lee Guest

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    Thanks for posting that, Cailin.
    It actually made me cry!! LOL - I didn't know I felt so strongly about it.

    Uno, before I had Gabby, I was pretty judgemental about the whole "being a good mother" thing.
    Though I never said anything to them, I would always question choices that my step-sister or my SIL made for their children.
    It wasn't until I went through it all myself that I realise just how wrong I had been to judge and ridicule them. They did the best job they could, in their own way, their own style.

    I think also we put the guilt on ourselves. I know I sometimes look at the Mums that BF until the baby was ready to wean, that use cloth nappies and have the whole gentle parenting thing down to a fine art and I make myself feel inadequate. I really shouldn't compare - it's not fair on myself. We all make our own choices - some are made because of extenuating circumstances (I am sure most women would choose to BF if they all could, just as they would like to have an all-natural birth - but it's not always possible).

  6. #6
    belmarks Guest

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    Wow, thanks Cailin, this put it all into perspective for me. You are 100% right, there are no right or wrong answers, just whatever is right for you and your child. Thank you for making us all feel a little bit more human and appreciated!!

  7. #7

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    Very well said Cai

    I think we all need to hear that "we are all good mothers no matter how we parent" every now and then when things get tough.

  8. #8

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    Impeccably written & expressed!

    I have just realised though that we are the ones whom judge ourselves, not really others! Although some do question our methods... But I think they should just keep their traps shut!!

    I see friends whose babies are similar in age & if they are doing something Indah isnt, I feel like I have made her not do it, or slower, less clever etc, etc!!
    But why? I can tell others dont worry all babies are different, they all do it in their own times, but I cant listen to that myself!

    Cailin, you have just made me realise that I have to let Indah be Indah, she is the complete opposite to Maddy, but that doesnt mean she is not right or slower etc, etc.., It just simply means she is an individual, something I am passionate about for my girls to grow up & evolve & be themselves!

    Thanks to your post I am going to make a conscious effort to not judge my own kids based on what others are, were & can do etc!!!

    Thank-you from my girls =D>

  9. #9

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    What a beautiful post Cailin and what inspirational replies from the others!

    My two month is enrolled to start daycare next year and I've been dreading getting the 3rd degree from my husband's parents who currently take care of my baby (as he was too young for daycare when I went back to work) and hate the concept of daycare because of the odd bad daycare story they hear on TodayTonight.
    Your posts have equipped me with confidence in my decision - not to say that I don't want my child in daycare, but knowing that if they lay the whole "what kind of mother are you?" tactic on me to take baby out of daycare, I can say that the decision I've made is best for me and my baby and that it doesn't affect my love for him, nor will they be deprived of seeing him.
    Fingers crossed they won't hassle my husband to talk us out of it and that they will accept any decisions my husband and I may make in the future regarding our baby.

  10. #10

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    Thanks Cai -
    So good to be reminded now and then of what is really important!
    We are all WAY too hard on ourselves - above and beyond all the pressure we may feel from other mothers or society in general.

  11. #11
    Mumeee Guest

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    In answer to all the questions-
    Well apparently some people DO think so,( but I am definitely NOT one of them!)

    Theres a vent in the 'punching bag and boo who room' that is similar to this topic - about why the competitiveness.

  12. #12

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    Thumbs up No love = childcare?

    Great post, especially
    Nor do I look at someone else and think "She mustn't love her child because she puts him in childcare".
    ...got me thinking. My 3yo is in daycare 3 days/week, I'm at home full time with my 9 month old. When I tell people this, they often don't know what to say! Around here, it seems childcare is a last resort, and something you hate putting your kid into. My son is quite happy there, though, and so am I. I'm a happier mum when I'm with him and I do love my son(s) to bits. I know if I had them both at home all day, every day, I'd completely loose it! We do go to playgroup etc, but still!!
    I guess I just wanted to say, I know exactly what you mean by that particular line. And I think by putting my son in childcare, I'm being a better mum than I would be otherwise.

    Christine

    PS: ...and who IS "perfect" anyway? No one can do everything, and if they say they can, they're lying. That's my opinion!

  13. #13

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    words of wisdom

  14. #14

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    Amen to that

  15. #15

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    Here's a blast from the past. You wrote this just a month before my world changed that first time. It's still so true.

  16. #16

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    Default Aren't we all good mothers?

    Naw. What an awesome bump. I wrote this a month after DS was born.

  17. #17

    Default Re: Aren't we all good mothers?

    Quote Originally Posted by Rouge View Post
    Aren't we all good mothers?

    Why the competitiveness? Aren't we all good mothers?

    If you birthed your baby naturally are you a better mother?

    If you sleep with your baby are you a better mother?

    If your baby never cries are you a better mother?

    If your baby sleeps by the time they are 6 mths old are you a better mother?

    If you breastfeed your baby are you a better mother?

    If you don't use disposable nappies are you a better mother?

    If your baby doesn't have tantrums are you a better mother?

    If your baby walks, talks, toilet trains early are you a better mother?

    If your baby is independant are you a better mother?

    If you never go back to work or put your child in child care are you a better mother?

    If your baby wears brand names are you a better mother?

    If you are always happy being a mother are you a better mother?

    If your house is always clean are you a better mother?

    If you are a good cook, and always bake are you a better mother?

    I look back at my childhood, and I look at my mother and I don't think any of these things would make me think "Gee I love my mum, look what she did for me". When I think of the things I wanted from my mother, I wanted love. Pure plain and simple, to be loved unconditionally, to be thought of to be a priority in her life. I was bottle fed and I slept alone in my cot from very early on, I was smacked, I tantrumed and I can even remember having accidents as a kid. Now none of these things make me look back and think... I had a bad mother. So why do we think that of ourselves or others?

    We are all good mothers no matter how we parent, and just because some people do things differently doesn't make it wrong it just makes us individuals and a product of choice, thank goodness for that. We all want whats best for our children and I don't think anyone thinks "I'm going to give my child a bottle because I don't love them enough to breastfeed" Nor do I look at someone else and think "She mustn't love her child because she puts him in childcare". I thought we were trying to become more tolerant not less.

    We are all good mothers!
    Great list.....You got me thinking!!

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