BIG problem! DDs dad doesn't love her

[Bathsheba]

How are things going Baby Socks?

[Isadora]

Oh you poor thing!!! What a horrible horrible person he is, and one you and your daughter would be much better off without. I really hope that your parents are supporting you through this rough patch, you will need all the help you can get. Your mum should not be feeling sorry for him at all!! Please try hard not to let a person like this back into your life. All the best.

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

Thanks, everyone.

We're still not together of course, I'm letting him see his daughter (they seem to have bonded now - I guess not having to deal with her being a miss grumpy pants as well as not being able to see her whenever he likes has made him appreciate her more), only when my parents are home though.

There isn't much more to it than that, I am not liking this single parenting business one bit though

[paradise lost]

Oh hun! I know, i'm with you, single parenting is HARD work, and my XP also suddenly became incredibly bonded with and a self-professed expert at parenting our DD when i dumped him. I sometimes in my meaner moments think of him as the Disney father. Disney holidays, disney toys, disnae (glasgow for doesn't) help! LOL.

Hang in there. It is stressful raising a child on your own, but it is MORE stressful wondering if your "dear" partner is going to put the baby to bed or beat the crap out of you.

Bx

[blizz]

I am not liking this single parenting business one bit though

firstly to you and your daughter you are totally doing the right thing,
I'm sorry is this comes out the wrong way but......well, sweets...You sound as though you've been doing the 'single parenting thing' for a lot longer than from just when you left him!!!!!....and doing it well by the sounds of it,
you've shown alot of strength to make the decisions that you have already, although I'm not a single parent I do have some understanding of the loneliness that can be felt when your on your own (my DH works away doing shift work and it's usually away for 5 days at a time) I have learnt to fill that void of loneliness by firstly spending time on BB and secondly getting out and about with my family and friends and getting back in to life, surround your self with positive friends who love and respect you and I'm sure life will have more to offer you than living in fear, abuse and neglect good luck and stay strong for your little girl and mostly FOR YOU!!!

[Jo+3]

Baby socks. I feel for you. Even a break up of a "normal" relationship is hard, but you must be going through hell. My best freind went through a very similar situation. We all knew her dh was no good but she kept going through the cycle of getting beaten, filing for a avo, dropping the avo and going back. I lost count how many times this went on. You must realise that men who abuse are usually master manipulators too. You said your ex was coming around and playing the father role now? I hope that he is sincere in wanting to be a part of his daughters life, but just have in the back of your mind that this could be a ploy to win you back and win the trust of your family again. If he won't see anyone or get help for his obvious anger issues you need to be strong and stay away. Hon, get yourself some counselling. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. My friend, ten years on is happily married to a wonderful man who is a great father to her daughter and the two children they had together. Funnily enough her partner hasn't evolved at all and has been in and out of jobs/relationships for years. What will make your daughter the happiest is to see her Mum happy.

[Lulu]

Do you have set times for him to come and visit? I'm not sure how you work it, but if it was possible for him to visit with bubs - whilst you sleep. Even one hour, 3 times a week could make a difference for you, and you need to rest!

Yeah, course he is now the parenting EXPERT. It's only to undermine your confidence bit by bit. Can you imagine how you would feel as a parent if you were well fed and rested and could swing by and spend a bit of time with the kids when you felt like it, and hand them back when they smell? (This is coming from someone with three littlies and NO SLEEP so you might not feel the same!).

If he comes to visit, let it be your terms (sounds like they are anyway) and beneficial to you too. I good way to gauge if he is bonding with bubs or doing it to manipulate you is to not see him when he visits.
My exH visits to my daugher (not his though) dropped off noticeably after I made myself scarce (also to avoid his stupid,"harmless" comments) during the visit.

Good luck with everything, I hope you have another good nights sleep tonight...xoxoxoxo

[Lil_Aussie]

Hi Hun

Just sending you and your precious baby girl a huge
You are doing such a great job protecting your family, and making sure your daughter grows up able to appreciate her father,,, as if you had stayed together,, she would have grown up knowing how much she was unloved by her dad,, and how badly he treated you, as being normal for men to treat women. She may have even sought out a partner exactly the same,, abusing, and totally self centred uncaring etc etc.... the whole "daughters grow up seeking partners who are their fathers " bit and and all.
Maybe take a copy of the photo of what he did to your face, and keep it where you need it,,, so whenever you are badly tempted to "forgive all" and take him back,, you can have a look,, and remember that this is what a person who is meant to be your soul mate, and treat you like the amazing beautiful woman you are,, did to you,,, and may have ended up taking out his rage on your precious baby one day too.

I am soo glad that his attitude has changed toward your buba now that you are separated. it may well be like the others suggested that he was just way too young to be able to cope maturely, and handle the pressures that having a young family have on you both. So, now that that pressure is lifted,,, he may be able to now appreciate just how spectacular his daughter really is, but i really would be wary of him trying to get back together,, as i have heard of this situation many times,,, and once the pressures are back on,,, they revert once again to abuse ,,, and sometimes,,,,it is too late and the ultimate price is paid for their rage.

All the best with this hun,, and pls let us know how things are going,,, you always have the support of everyone here on BB :