Defence Force Families

[Soph28]

Ah my hubby isnt actually a commando lol so he isnt away as much as the rest. He used to be when we first married but then he got sick of being away all the time. Now he has the best of both worlds - working with infantry units but in tech support.

Although TBH I miss him going away alot

Oh that would explain it! Hahaha people ask me all the time how I cope with my DH away and the truth is that I actually enjoy the time alone for the most part! Its hard having a 3yo who doesnt understand where Daddy is and dealing with all the tantrums that go along with it but I enjoy my freedom and just not having to deal with him. That sounds really bad! lol But with fertility issues and him never being here its virtually impossible to concieve #2. So we're looking into IVF in the next 6 months

[owens5]

lol DH isn't a commando either - he's a Q-e(sp?) , he goes away a bit as he supplies everything for them, but where he is atm, it's only a few days at a time. I'm loving that! He was in Artillery for 8yrs and was away all the time.

How I have so many children ......My middle 2 are twins Soph, and number 4 was an amazing surprise for us.

(story of number 4) ..... I think she was a gift from my Mum who passed away 2 months before A was conceived. We had trouble and it took a long time conceiving our first two pregnancies,my Mum kept saying, come on one more little girl , as that would make grand child #10 and even up the boy/girl ratio a little. DH was adamant we were not having any more. A week before Mum passed, I had my cards read and she said be careful in Oct/Nov if we didn't want another child. I forgot about it, Mum passed away Aug 31 09, we didn't use contraception one time (Oct 24th - yes I know exactly lol) and a week later I knew I was pregnant. She's a special little baby to us.

[Freya]

(story of number 4) ..... I think she was a gift from my Mum who passed away 2 months before A was conceived. We had trouble and it took a long time conceiving our first two pregnancies,my Mum kept saying, come on one more little girl , as that would make grand child #10 and even up the boy/girl ratio a little. DH was adamant we were not having any more. A week before Mum passed, I had my cards read and she said be careful in Oct/Nov if we didn't want another child. I forgot about it, Mum passed away Aug 31 09, we didn't use contraception one time (Oct 24th - yes I know exactly lol) and a week later I knew I was pregnant. She's a special little baby to us.

What a lovely present from your mum! Your little angel was just meant to be Its quite possible our Dh's might know each other.

[ezymay]

What a lovely present from your mum! Your little angel was just meant to be Its quite possible our Dh's might know each other.

Lol you guys do know each other

[Soph28]

Owens: That is a nice surprise! Our DD was a newlywed surprise when we werent trying and didnt know I had 'issues'. Who read your cards for you? Id love to know whats in store for me baby wise! My DH Is off overseas again mid this year so we dont have a very good chance this year with all the pre-deployment training etc to concieve. Oh well, IVF here we come!

[teresa]

owens5 - what a beautiful gift from your mum! i bet that really surprised you when you found out

[owens5]

What a lovely present from your mum! Your little angel was just meant to be Its quite possible our Dh's might know each other.

I know who you are! And my DH just said he thinks your DH is working up with them atm! lol

[owens5]

Owens: That is a nice surprise! Our DD was a newlywed surprise when we werent trying and didnt know I had 'issues'. Who read your cards for you? Id love to know whats in store for me baby wise! My DH Is off overseas again mid this year so we dont have a very good chance this year with all the pre-deployment training etc to concieve. Oh well, IVF here we come!

I was at Bankstown Centro with a friend and just decided to get my cards read , its a little place near Big W. I also had a (medium) reading done in October 09 by a lady whos little girl did swimming with my DS - she was amazing. Described where I grew up, my school uniform, my uncles that had passed. She told me there would be someone pass in September 09 from our family , my mum passed on 31st Aug. Really spot on with a lot of things. I want to have another reading from her soon.

everything goes smoothly with your IVF!

[Freya]

Ofcourse I know you, der. I was just thinking Annabelle looked so familiar in your ticker. Well I will see you saturday! (And yep they are working together atm lol)

Soph, my DH is off overseas very soon too!

Hmm might have to go for a wander to that card reader at Centro. Last psychic reading I had was at the MBS festival when Stelly was 9mths old. She told me like all the other readings Ive had that we would have a fourth (little girl!). Im getting a bit sceptical now that it will never happen We considered doing frozen sperm IUI while Dh is gone but depending on the test results on thurs we'll prob just wait til he gets back or stop TTC alltogether.

Soph, will you do IVF while DH is away?

[Soph28]

Freya: The plan is to keep TTC naturally until he leaves (but with all the pre-deployment 'hoo ha' DH wont be around much, as you know, especially given he is a commando) and then give IVF a go while he is gone. I really hope it happens naturally though because I really dont want to have to deal with all the stress that goes with IVF and all of the appointments will be hard to juggle with finding someone to babysit my DD. But you gotta do what you gotta do!!

[teresa]

DH came home last night from work to tell me that the RAAF are cracking down on its members and those who have been posted in one place for more then 10 years will now be moved onto another posting at another base within the next couple of years. this means us. adelaide is our home as we both come from here so we dont really want to leave. but i also see great opportunities in other places if we do. we have bought our house here which we would rent out and just rent a DHA house where we would be going. he doesnt really want to leave and is talking about getting out but i know that he doesnt really want to.

how did you guys go with new postings to somewhere else? how did you decide what to do? feeling really nervous here.

[Freya]

We have been posted 5 times in 5 years. I actually dont mind moving. I honestly think its what you make of it. I would like to settle in one place for more than 5mins now that Ds1 is starting school next year, luckily our next posting will be back to back (6yrs). By then Im betting Ive got itchy feet lol I love exploring new places, what a cheap way to do it as well!

[grub17]

Teresa - ditto what freya said. It can be hard, especially your first posting and sometimes it's very lonely but I love not living in the same place and changing every few years. A squadron leader told me that they are encouraging more back to back postings in locations now which is good.

I actually think it's really good to get them all moving, it gives others a chance to live in that location and gets the skills pool nicely rounded out iykwim.

I think it's really important to approach any posting with a good frame of mind cos like freya said, it's what you make it. If you go wiht a "i don't want to go, i'll hate it'" ... well it's a self fulfilling phrophecy.

The other thing i've learnt is not to be shy. to put yourself out there to meet new poeple. Not everyone you meet will become a friend but you might make a couple. Each location will have a DCO office and that's a good place to start. All the bases we've been at have playgroups and community houses and heaps of things for partners with children to do (not so great if you don't have kids yet but i see you'll be right). We've only been here since January and we are pretty much settled into a defence playgroup, a community playgroup, a coffee morning with defence partners, and a council-run fun morning for under 5s.

I have found mixing with the broader community as well as defence is also good for your sanity and gives you more than a defence perspective.

Your DH will have preferences through PMKEys thingy. So I'd go fill that out first cos then at least if there's a position in a location you want you have a better chance of getting it than if you just let them throw you out there.

Also when renting through DHA stick to your guns on your standards. the houses are getting better but they'll sstill try to pass off some sub standard grotty piece of rubbish to you cos there are shortages and they don't have to implement the new standards for a few years yet. But post again at the time for more advice, i strongly recommened that. We got dudded twice before this posting because I wasn't assertive enough and thought I was being a nuisance etc by not speaking out that i wasn't happy... I also accepted them telling me "that's all we have available in your entitltemtn" etc.

Maybe if you guys try one posting at least and see how it goes then at least you'll know whether getting out is something he really wants to do or that the military lifestyle really aint that bad. And look at the bright side, at least he's raaf and not army... they move all the time! Remember they pay for your removal etc and he discharges they pay for him to move wherever he wants as well. so it's not going to cost you anything if you don't like it and decide to return to Adelaide. If you get posted to one of the northern bases like Darwin or Townsville you are also entitled to extra allowances and subsidised airfares etc so seeing family is easier.

Personally, I really enjoy this lifestyle and we see it as our way of travelling australia except we're doing it over 20 or 30 years.

I hope some of that ramble helps you. I know it's scary, the first move is the worst but I must admit my DH and I are 1000 times closer than we ever would have been if he wasn't military. You really truly become each other's best friend because with each posting, you are all you have. I love that it has made us sooo much closer and we just love love love spending our time together... lol in other words you get him all to yourself and don't have to share with family or friends

[owens5]

Teresa, we've been posted in Sydney for 9 years, by the time this posting's up it'll be 11. I highly doubt we'll stay here after this posting and i'm really nervous about it too. The unit DH was in kept you if you were willing to jump so we were just never posted, then he corp transferred and my Mum was terminally ill so they gave us a posting here again. I have a friend who kept saying to me last year, "you don't know how lucky you are to not have to move all the time, you've got it so good". Yes, I do know how lucky we are that we have stayed here, but it's also terrifying because this is the only defence life we know. It's all very scary!

[teresa]

Teresa, we've been posted in Sydney for 9 years, by the time this posting's up it'll be 11. I highly doubt we'll stay here after this posting and i'm really nervous about it too. The unit DH was in kept you if you were willing to jump so we were just never posted, then he corp transferred and my Mum was terminally ill so they gave us a posting here again. I have a friend who kept saying to me last year, "you don't know how lucky you are to not have to move all the time, you've got it so good". Yes, I do know how lucky we are that we have stayed here, but it's also terrifying because this is the only defence life we know. It's all very scary!

that is so true! apart from DH doing his training in wagga, he has lived here in adelaide for his whole life. so this is so new to both of us. he really likes wagga and would like to go back i think. i think it will be hard to try and find new friends and work and stuff but i am really looking forward to seeing more of what australia has to offer!

thanks grub for all that info! will definately be asking you more questions when it comes closer to our posting.

[Melbournemumma]

The only thing I have found difficult with postings is going to smaller locations. I found it really hard to get a job when my dh was in albury.

I second everything Grub said. Get involved at the base with playgroup etc. It's made this move alot easier on us. I've made new friends and am actually really loving Melbourne

[teresa]

thanks everyone!

i shouldnt have an issue getting a job anywhere as i am a nurse so that should be reletively easy. we dont have any playgroups or things like that here at the moment at edinburgh so when we move i will definately get involved with that.

thank you so much for all of this. it has really helped.

[StrawberryFields]

Hi ladies,

Just wondering if anybody knows - can DH seek outside medical opinions if he's unhappy with the service he's getting on base without fear of retribution?

He's fed up with the deplorable service he's getting at the WRAP at Lavarack and I'm concerned that they aren't acting fast enough on some matters, so I want to take him to my civvy doctor for a second opinion, but I'm scared that if I do and the Army find out, they'll turn around and refuse to treat him anymore. He's got something seriously wrong with his knee, and there are other very concerning things going on with his head, blood pressure, and stomach, and the only thing they are doing anything about is the knee - and even then its taken them months to even admit there is a problem with that. At least they are doing their best to treat the knee now, its not their fault it takes forever to get into a specialist. But, he's had high blood pressure since October last year and they're doing nothing about it, he has constant headaches that not even prescription painkillers can soothe and they know that and just keep telling him to drink more water, - which he does and it doesn't help - and his stomach is constantly upset for no apparent reason according to them, even though they've done nothing to find out any kind of cause, or given him anything for it that I haven't already tried (eg. Maxolon, ginger ale, bland food, over the counter antacids etc).

And on top of all of that they can't even keep his records all together properly and continuously file them under other peoples names! He is the only person on the entire base with his surname how bloody hard is it to put a piece of paper in a damn folder!

I was told by many that the Army really looked after people when it came to health, but evidently DH is either cursed or I was severely misinformed! Has anybody else had really bad service before?