Do you enjoy being a SAHM?

[Artechim]

Surely I am not the only one that finds being a SAHM the most boring thing I have ever done?

All I ever hear is people saying it is the 'most challenging but rewarding' thing they have ever done. The only challenge I face is to not be literally bored to tears every day.

There is obviously an up-side being that I get to spend a lot of time with my DS and I know that he is always looked after well and being taught what is important to us. For those reasons DH and I think it is best that there is a stay at home parent. But that doesn't change the fact that it is understimulating, lonely, repetitive and I am completely bored out of my mind.

I do go out to mothers group, I take DS to play at a daycare centre a couple of times a week (stay with him), occasional playdates. None of it is particularly fulfilling or rewarding. The highlight of my week is now grocery shopping, which I clear an entire day for to savour the experience lol.

So am I a freak or are there other mums out there that stay home because they think it is best for their kids even though it is slow painful brain decay for you?

[MamaPan]

oh arte - you poor thing. at least you are a FABULOUS mum - even if you are bored.
TBH i dont think i could do it, i know i would struggle with it... thats part of the reasons i havemade the choices i made (which i know are not for you).
Have you thought about an online course or smething like that? or something in the evenings?
would it ever be apossibility to share sah and working with DH - if it is important to you both that a parent is at home with your kids maybe you can share that?

[Meo]

I don't have kids, but I KNOW I will be in the same boat. I was unemployed for a while and that was bad enough! I'd love to not work now, but a) we need the money atm and b) I still remember how lacking in motivation I was to do anything as I was just so bored!

[Leemar]

Oh Art your a fab mum.

I am sure you will be kept busy when the new baby comes.

[Trillian]

I was at first. When you only have the one, it it pretty easy to stay on top of your game in regards to the housework etc, so once that's all done and bubs is asleep, you do find yourself at a loose end sometimes. I took up cross stitching to help keep my mind active and there were various committees that I got involved in too so I had an interest outside the home. Once more babies came along there was less time for boredom, but again, from time to time it was still there. I still had my committees etc so it hasn't ever been that bad where I really get in a rut over it though. I think going back to having only one child at home and not having preschool for 12mths before Alister starts will bring the boredom back though.

[AliBaby]

I LOVE it!

However, I have only been doing it for 4 months! So a newbie.

I am finidng that I am wanting to do some things to challenge my brain as sometimes I feel like it is going to mush.

I dont want to go back to work but at the same time I want to keep my feet wet so I am still familiar with what is going on in the workplace.

[~Trish~]

I do enjoy it, but like you I got bored not long after I had DS1. I ended up starting my business just to give me something else to do, challenge my mind and to give me more opportunities to interact with others. I would have gone crazy if I didn't have the business!

Bub #2 made life busier and less time for boredom though and I'm sure when #3 comes along I'll forget what the word "boredom" is LOL!

So no, you are not a freak and you are not alone .

[Amaunet]

Thanks for starting this thread! I am on day 2 of my mat leave and am already missing work! Work was my social life too and I felt so fulfilled by it. I know when Blake arrives I will have more to do - but am already getting "criticism" for my plan to work PT after 6 months. People keep saying things like "you'll never get the time back" or "its time to sacrifice your career for your family". I may surprise myself and lov being a SAHM -but there is nothing wrong with not finding it to be "enough". Everyone is different and has different needs - I am lucky that I won't "need" to go back financially - but may need to for my own sanity and sense of self IYKWIM.

FWIW - IMO - having something mentally stimulating for you (work or otherwise) even if it means some time away from your children, does not "harm" your kids. I subscribe to the "happy mum, happy kids" school of thought.

[Astrid]

I find I am busy, but at the same time bored and stressed. I really do not find housework stimulating, I do enjoy cooking and I am not very good at "play" with the kids. I agree with you about the loneliness. To me whilst playgroups, ABA etc are helpful for that, I am still home alone without adult conversation most of the week. It was something I really noticed when we stayed at MIL's for 2 weeks. It was so nice to have other adults in the house.

[aussienic]

I have my days where I love it and then there are the days I hate it..

I like being able to be home with my kids as I would miss them heaps if I worked. (I quit work when my eldest was 11 months old)

I like being able to go to all the school things. I don't think I would find the time to work now. hats off to those mums that do (and the dads) My Dh has said if I could get a job that paid the same as his we would swap roles but that won't ever happen

[DoubleK]

i enjoy it. i was so excited to give up work back in March, i was only casual, 4 nights a week. (ok, i miss the $$ but i loved not having to 'go to work')

im a real homebody.. i enjoy being home and just doing things at my own pace.... i get satisfaction out of housework. and yes.. grocery shopping is the highlight of my week as well!!

im just at the beginning of a mini business venture (nothin major, just a hobby.) and i plan to sell my crafty things at markets. i dont plan to make big bucks, but it something i enjoy, and i will treat my time at markets as 'work'

i do plan to go back to work after xmas... my old boss has said she will have me back when im ready! the only thing i will be changing is instead of working 4pm-9pm 4 times a week.. i'd rather do like 5pm-8pm.. which is more convienient.

[Sagres]

Firstly I want to say good on you for posting this. I think many people are not loving what they are doing but don't always have the confidence to say so, feeling they need to say it is all wonderful to justify their decisions and lifestyle. Good on you for being honest.

I don't have kids (yet) but I think the lifestyle will not necessarily suit me and my preferred way of being. I operate well when I have lots of pressing things to do, deadlines, pressure etc. Give me a day packed full of appointments and a to do list and I'll go like the clappas and get it all done. Give me a day with a few things that might need to be done and I am hopeless, I'll leave everything to the last possible time and probably not get half of it done. I think I need a bit of structure and the pressure of a deadline and I'm not sure if being a SAHM will give me that. I could be wrong though!

And thank you to those who have said you get no satisfaction from housework - I am not alone!!!!! My life has been reduced from super busy, working, travelling, socialising (whilst living overseas) to pretty much housework and thats all. I hate it. Because I have nothing I 'need' to do I have no motivation to do anything. Grrrr

[JellyBean]

Interesting thread!

My answer.... yes, but. Yes, but I do crave mental stimulation and contact with the outside world sometimes. It can get boring at home - for sure. I am also a person who is at their best when they are busy. I mean- the more time I have, the more time I waste. Then I get frustrated at myself!! I feel guilty for not having a perfectly clean house when I have so much time on my hands. I really hate housework.... and I'm certainly not ashamed to admit it!!

Then again, if I actually imagine myself going off to work, dropping DS at his nannas or daycare, it makes me sad- and a bit jealous, and I don't want that either.
So for now I find it useful to remind myself of this simple fact in order to get a realistic perspective; he/they will only be this little for so long. A really short time, when you consider the potential life span we have ahead of us. Once my kids are 'in the system' - kindy, school etc - there's no going back. I will have time to work and not feel guilty, and then soon enough they will become young adults, and they wont rely on me for much, therefore I will have 3 decades to work if I so choose. That's a long time!!

Sometimes doing the 'flash-forward' really helps me to appreciate what I have now. I imagine myself sitting in an office etc, being answerable to a boss and collegues etc, traffic, rushing to get dinner on, not feeling as though I have time to stop and smell the roses, and I think whoa- that's whats coming, so enjoy the now. Enjoy the boring. Because once the boring is over, its going to get bloody hectic for a long time to come! So long as I continue to get out once a day - even if its just a walk around the suburbs, I figure I am probably adding years to my life with the absence of stress - that everyday, busy routine, deadline stress that work brings.

On the other hand - I only have 1 child at the moment! I'm sure that when #2 (and possibly #3) arrives I won't have time to be bored and I will long for the time I once had.

[Lolli]

I am, most days, bored, lonely and restless. i miss feeling like I was doing something important, I miss adult company. I get so frustrated with the constant trvia of dealing with a little kid.

At other times, i feel grateful and blessed that I am able to do this, to be at home and watch my little man grow. I'm lucky I don't have to go work, plus have all the responsibilities of running a home that i have now.

Indeed, a double edged sword.

Rory, I love that passage too. That's the way I think of it- this time in my life is my 'mummy and little kids time' and soone neough that will flow into something else.

[BeautifulMadness]

Yes i do love it but i do miss being out in the real world with adults. But my studies now give me some sort of being. so by the time my boys are @ school and kinder i can get a job

[Mak]

Love it some days and hate it others. I am on leave and am headed back to work in October so am trying to squeeze as much as I can into this time (and remember that there is only one shot for each moment). For me it is important to get a break from the kids occasionally and also have some company during the week....sometimes harder to do than others.

[SammyRo]

I love being a SAHM ...but I dislike the mundanity of every day! I hate housework (I'm glad I'm not the only one!!) so my house is always not the tidiest around, I frequently rely on ABC Kids or the Wiggles to grab some sanity , and I feel my brain is way past mush - I get really nervous meeting DH at work things (he's a lawyer) and I rarely talk! I have my moments when I think that it would be much better if i go back to work and put DD in childcare - because surely that would be more beneficial than yet another stint of the wiggles and I think that I'm no good at being a SAHM because the house is never tidy, dinner isn't always cooked, and the washing is not done.

But, in another moment, I think I don't want to hand the raising of my DD to some one else (and this is in no means a personal attack on anyone who does childcare - like I always say, you do whatever works for you and noone else - everyone's situation is different). Its hard and I really don't feel I get the same respect I would if I'd gone back to work, but being with DD and watching her do something new is fantastic, and knowing I'm the special person in her life is priceless - she's started calling most of the men in our family Dad- and DH was saying earlier that he wonders when she will realise that he is a bit more special than say my dad - because he's not always around (he works really long hours and plays sport on top of that). But there's no chance that she'll get me confused with someone else because I'm her primary carer.

DD is begining to get more interactive (although it can still be reptitive - sorting shapes gets boring after 10 minutes for me!) and I'm looking forward to doing crafty stuff and painting and baking. And I'm really not a SAHM - if I can find an excuse to get out of the house, I do!

[kelebek]

I am, most days, bored, lonely and restless. i miss feeling like I was doing something important, I miss adult company. I get so frustrated with the constant trvia of dealing with a little kid.

At other times, i feel grateful and blessed that I am able to do this, to be at home and watch my little man grow. I'm lucky I don't have to go work, plus have all the responsibilities of running a home that i have now.

Indeed, a double edged sword.

Rory, I love that passage too. That's the way I think of it- this time in my life is my 'mummy and little kids time' and soone neough that will flow into something else.

:yeahthat:
I also think Rory hit the nail on the head as I was often bored being SAHM and was relieved when I first went back to work parttime for the past 4 mnths. But I found I hated work most of the time and idealised being at home. Now that I am a SAHM mum again I am a little daunted. I hate housework, I don't cook, I hate washing... love spending time with DS but it can be very boring haha all the things I forgot about.

Does anyone know how to find that motivation for housework - how to find that satisfaction?

This time I have set some ground rules about having 'me' time at least once a week, if he gets a weekend then he can share it