Oh. I did forget to mention that a few weeks ago she told me she wanted to die. She was in trouble when she said it. & I turned around & walked out coz I didn't want her to see that she got to me, coz I know that's why she said it.
She knew anyway & started yelling it out over & over again. I didn't know if I should give her what she wanted by going in & sympathising with her coz she said it or ignoring her.
I ended up leaving it til the next day & talked to her about it then.
Bjrose, from this post and your previous one it sounds like you and your DD have fallen into a pattern of behaviour that isn't working. At six, I doubt she is actively trying to upset you. I think it is more likely that this is how she gets your SOLE attention. I gather it's pretty hard to deal with the other kids when her tantrum is monopolising your time and attention. And siblings do compete for their parents love and attention, especially when they're close in age. I remember doing it with my two sisters (we were similarly aged apart to your kids).

It sounds like you try really hard to ignore her bad behaviour, but I wonder if you could pay more attention to her good behaviour? When you're really busy (as I imagine you would be with three kids!) it's easy to not notice that she's been quiet and well-behaved for 15 minutes, but it's probably when she deserves a special cuddle and a thank you for being Mummy's big girl when you needed to do something. And when she did do her homework as you had asked, despite the tantrum (and IMO it's much harder to calm down and then do the right thing than just doing it in the first place), did you tell her you were really pleased she had done as you asked?

I also think it's really easy for a particular child to be labelled as being the 'bad kid' or the 'good kid' and that generally makes the competition amongst siblings even worse. Jaz's behaviour is probably going to be viewed with less lenience because you're so used to looking out for when she misbehaves.

Anyway, don't mean to lecture - I'm certainly not an expert!! Thanks for so honestly sharing your story, it gives me (and no doubt others!) some great insight into how other people manage difficult situations in their families.