I have one sister 10 years younger & one 4 1/2 years younger & am quite close to both, although I left home at 16 so wasn't with my youngest sister very long. I also have a brother who is 20 years younger than me (he is 4mths younger than my DS1!). Now that's a gap!
I wanted to have mine close together, DD1 & DS1 are 2 1/2 years apart... they don't really have much to do with each other though, they only really did when they were very young & before DS2 came along. I think gender has a bit to do with that... the 2 boys do more together (of course that means they argue more too! )
Now we have DD2, she is 7 years younger than DS2 and everybody of course adores her.. that is one benefit of a bit of a gap, much less rivalry & jealousy, they see her as a gift, not competition. And they are quite helpful to have around too
I think - just IMO - you are better off to work out when it suits you rather than worry about the gap. 5-6 years isn't too much, and as with my first two, even if you have them closer there's no guarantee they'll get on, kwim?
My brother is nearly 7 years older than me, my sister 4.5 years older than me. I hated it growing up, I was never allowed to play with them because I was too young and they didn't want to look out for me. They even left me wandering the streets of brisbane on holiday once when I was about.. 8 I think? They ran off and left me and I had totally no idea where I was so I sat in the gutter and bawled my eyes out They got into a heap of trouble for that though.. hehe
It was always like that growing up, so thats why I had my kids close together, so they would play with the same things, and one isn't too much older than the other one.
My brother and I get along good now (and I adore his wife!) but my sister and I have hardly anything to do with each other - but thats a personality thing - not an age thing
I guess it really does depend on the individual - so many factors to consider.
Going from personal expereince, my brother and I are 16 months apart - and were great mates growing up. My sister is 7 years younger than me and was excluded from many things we were able to do growing up. She still brings up her childhood memories of being spoken over and bullied, excluded and playing alone in her room. We feel terrible about it but, you just cant put an adults head on a child's shoulders. Its only now that she is in her 20's that I feel we can actually have a conversation on a similar level - iykwim..... however I'm sure the relationship will only strengthen with time.
So, for this reason and others, I don't want that for my children. I am also hoping to go back and study part-time - for my life's passion. However I weighed up my options/priorities some time ago and decided it would suit me best if I had my children close together in 'one hit' - (I am also very mindful of taking advantage of my fertility - I am in my late twenties, but many friends my age are now TTC and are finding it to be much more difficult than they imagined, some going down the assisted conception route etc), and that way I can get the whole night waking, toilet training, stay at home period over with in one fell swoop. Not to say that I don't enjoy this period - its wonderful, but my ability to study and work will be there later and for many years to come- my fertility will not. As I once heard someone say...."You can modify your life to work around your biology, but you cannot modify your biology to work around your life" - I think this is worth considering.
I guess what I keep telling myself is that, my patience will pay off- they are only little for so long, and once they are 'in the system' (school etc) they are on their way to becoming little adults and I am only going to get increased independence with time.
My sis is 2y4m younger than me. I didn't start liking her until I was 15.
My bro is 5 years younger than me, and I have adored him since before he was born. He was like a living doll to me (like Bath says) So I think if it suits you, go ahead and wait the 5 years.
Or get a bfp in the meantime! Good luck!
Oh wow! Thanks so much for all of the replies everyone. Your opinions are very much appreciated and it certainly has given me some food for thought!
I am inclined to agree with the overall consensus that whether siblings get on isn't so much about age gaps as it is about personality and the family environment in which they are raised. Especially when they are older, but I can see how small children with a close gap are much more likely to play happily together.
I do still need to consider my age though ie: being 35ish when TTC again if I wait til after I study.
What has bought this all to the fore for me is that i received a phonecall from the University midwifery course convenor yesterday out of the blue. And the more she told me about the course structure etc etc (it's a new degree for this particular uni) the more perfect it sounds. I also love the aspect of being able to do the latter part of my training and possibly then be employed by the Gold Coasts brand new first class University hospital which is due to open in 2011/12.
if I am successful in gaining a place in the first year offer round it will be very very hard to turn it down.
My bro is 5 yrs older than me. As kids.. it was nothing but tormenting me. When I was mid-late teens we hung out together quite well. I didn't expect to go out with his friends or anything (mainly coz they were over 18 and were out at bands and pubs & stuff) but we got on well and hung out at home together. As adults we've drifted apart but nothing to do with age.
My kids are 19mths apart. I can totally see how a big age gap would be easier parenting wise LOL. But they do play together and I *hope* they grow out of the current rivalry. I'm thinking perhaps it's just a big brother thing... they're all mean to their little sisters! LOL.
I'm sure you'll get whatever age gap you end up with to work
I dont think that the age difference is an issue...
But - dont shoot me for my comments, but something that you need to consider... which of these two points (below) you feel the most strongly about.
If you studied and then TTC and couldnt, would you regret it?
If you didnt study and fell pg and never ended up studing due to family committments would you regret it?
the world is full of what if's - you need to decide what is most important to you now and act on that. if its studdy - go for it, if its children - go for that
)
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They got into a heap of trouble for that though.. hehe
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