family timebomb warning its long!!

[Sweet Bliss]

Honey, I know how you feel, my Mum has had quite a LOT of issues relating to alcohol too.

Can I tell you something, and it may not be right for your situation, but it has worked for me...

I had a LOT going on when I was pg last year too.
My parents were seperating, I had HG morning sickness, and then my Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer also, on top of this I was working 12 hour days in 45 degree heat and dealing with a 5yr old also.

My mum was like a rollercoaster.... up down, drunk, angry, sad, depressed, happy...you name it every emotion. She had been like this for about 7 years.


I was slowly and surely building up a whole lot of repressed anger, frustration, GUILT (this is the one that is the hardest to deal with), I was ashamed, I was hurt. My heart would skip a beat when the phone would ring at night, because I knew it would be Mum with another "episode"...she would threathen suicide etc, we have had to call the police to do a welfare check on her numerous times, she has lied about terrible things that she has said have happened to her etc.

I always kept a barrier between us because this was the only way I could cope. I would try and give her advice, but she took this as me attacking her etc. I would cry myself to sleep praying that I could have my Mum back again...my normal one.

I then just gave up......I thought about not having contact but then realised she is my Mum, and she has some problems and issues, and that we are all probably a few bad decisions away from being in the same position...

I then had to do the hardest thing that I have ever done......JUST LOVE HER UNCONDITIONALLY.

When she called ranting and raving, I didn't try and judge, or give advice, or fight back, I just listened. I would make the effort to call her, and to spend time with her. I bought her some little gifts, and if I NEEDED ADVICE I would call HER to ask...
I didn't let myself get angry or upset, I made a decision to not take her issues personally, they were her issues not mine. I realised that while I was not responsible for her or her actions, I did have a responsibility as her daughter to just love her no matter what.....if I was in her position I would expect the same from her.

I still put my family first in a lot of instances, but made sure I made time for her. Luckily my DH has always had a lot more patience with her than I, so he was supportive also.

6 months on, and our relationship is the best it has been in years. She doesn't drink as much, she hasn't called all drunk and upset for ages and ages, and the time we spend together I really enjoy. She has always been an excellent Grandma despite her issues, but now she is even better. I have realised that she just wanted to be loved. Pure and simple. It took a lot to swallow the hurt, and believe me there are lots of things that have hurt me deeply, but it was worth it to get my Mum back. She has actually got her life back on track in other areas too, and I think that this is because she no longer feels alone.

Anyway, this is just my story, but I hope it helps. I have a real "peace" in my life now.