Well I'm about to have my first kid and wasn't sure what to do about my alcoholic father. I wanted my kid to have a grandfather and was kind of thinking maybe I could just put up with him for the sake of the kid and then he'd probably die before the kid would be old enough to realise Grandpa had issues. Very cynical I know!

Instead for the first time ever I spoke to my dad about alcohol and called him on his behaviour. Said that he was welcome to be a part of our lives and see his grandson when he arrives, but it had to be sober. He was not to drink around me. Then I told him that he said mean and horrid things drunk and it just was awful.

It was a long shot - but he turned up with a bunch of flowers on my door step, told me he loved me and was sorry for any hurt caused. I mean, that doesn't cure 31 years of crap parenting, but he stayed sober the entire time he visited. And then asked if he could come back once every two weeks for the night. And so far...no drinking. Gradually I've started to relax around him and he's been busy helping me around the house. It's kinda like a truce and we eat takeaway and watch TV together and I'm quite proud of him for trying. My sister found out that is was going okay so agreed to meet him too - the day before her own first child was born. And then she's let him meet her child now and we took photos of him and the kid and had a family morning or it with no issue. Amazing.

So I've my fingers crossed for you - but in my situation I'd have no doubts of telling my Dad to stay away if he was drunk again.