was this to harsh

[kawazuki]

I think you've made the right choice to not let him go camping - follow through is very important with rule setting (so I'm told) BUT I think banning the Xbox, DS etc as WELL as not going camping is a little too much. When you discussed the action and consequence type rule system with him, you said there would be one punishment if he gathered three strikes. If you don't let him go camping AND you take away his computer stuff, that's two punishments for the one crime, iykwim?

Otherwise, good on you and good luck with your study today!

i feel bad forcing that rule aswell, but we limited xbox to weekend use only. so i can go back on that rule because he has been rude and is being punished and made to stay home.

we did this so it encouraged him to use his imagination with his toys or go outside and run around etc. otherwise during teh hollidays we found he would just sit and play computers all day. so it isnt a "punishment" as such, and i prob should of explained that better before its a house rule,

[bubno.3]

i pm you did you receive it?

[kawazuki]

thanx FC that is exactly how i feel.
we are just confused and lost as to what to try next.
maybe a list system would help, then it also helps stop the you never told me to do that as its written down and easy to understand.

we will try this.
he is being alot better today after his small outbursts this morning we sat down and i said, why do it? why get cranky because you have been asked to do it. his reply was, i dont know? the usual reply but i said just think no rush for an answer you think about how you were feeling at the time what was going on in your head and why you reacted that way? as it is just a reaction and 99% of the time i think he reacts before he thinks.

thinking back when we had the list up on the pantry door we had less issues with him doing hsi morning chores, but with teh new kitchen teh list never went back up and thats when things started going down hill.

he is also very into reading and will read and read and loose track of time and then get cranky at us because he si frustrated for him running late to school, or for training or getting to bed etc, its like everything si always our fault.

we tried alarms but eh turns them off, lol cheeky little thing.

tomorrow we are going to teh library i plan on signing him up and letting him choose some new books, i go every friday with DD for story time, so he will be tagging along but i know once he is there and sees all the new cool books he will love it and want to bring 1000 home to read lol.

but yes lists are going to be implemented i think.
as this morning i asked him to put new clotheson and dirty one sin teh wash, well we did number 1 and forgot number 2 and his excuse i was doing something else, that something else being number 1..

[Inanna]

I truly understand K it sounds so much like some of my DD14's behaviours. The books she is the same with that's why I mentioned taking him to a book store or library - I was fishing a bit to see.... My DD was so committed to reading (it was a bit of an ocd thing she HAD to finish or she felt something bad might happen to her) that she would take torches to bed and read until they went flat and then get anoter torch... One morning I found 4 flat torches and she couldn't get out of bed as she was so tired...

Something that helps me and I will share it as it may helpyou. Just step back. Physically step back. Get up now and take a step back. Look at him (or imagine it) and just see him for what he is. A little fella with a big heart and lots of his Dad in him. He is just a boy. He needs loving. He needs guidance. He needs boundaries. The other thing. Consciously lower your voice to lower than your normal speaking voice when you talk to him if there is conflict etc. It helps. Remember always that you are the grown up. That doesn't mean this is bloody hard. I think you are amazing for being so committed to him. If you were my sons step mum I would be happy. So please know you are doing great. These things are hugely challenging.

[kawazuki]

that si so him FC he is obsessed to finishing the page the chapter, if he is asked to do something mid page or even if he has read teh first page, wow its explosion time lol. or if he looses his page its tears and all.

he is and is a great kid 99% of the time, its the mood swings and the inability to focus on tasks and listen to direction.
but i think with teh list system it may help the mood swings i can deal with as its hormonal not hsi fault but he needs help in knwoing how to manage and relaise whats happening.

his brain is so grown up yet he is stuck in a little boys body.

[kawazuki]

i pm you did you receive it?

yes thank you reading now

[LionsandBears]

I think you're doing really well to process all of this. Some of what FC has written about her daughter reminds me of me when i was younger. It's not that I didn't want to he help around the house, it's just I couldn't remember the next thing I had to do. I also was (and am) a reading junkie - there were many school nights I read til 4am.

The thing to break down is the situation and the reaction to the situation. I think this is what you're working through with him. OK, I might not like having my reading interrupted, but I'm not going to throw a tantrum about it (and I never did, wouldn't have dared ) But that's about learning emotional control. So the lists etc may help reduce the amount of frustrating episodes, but there's also the need to work on how to deal with frustration calmly.

If he does have ASD/ADD or whatever, it will be affecting school life as well as home life. So he will need to learn coping skills. Having him assessed also means the school will have something to work with. Good luck with it all.

[Inanna]

Absolutely Tash - there may be a reason for his outburst but there does need to be work done so he realises it's not okay to yell, shout, slam etc.

[Liviam]

I think it's great!!! Stick to your guns!!

[kawazuki]

well little update.
day 2
attitude still no better
even after a huge talk last night about why he is acting out etc and yelliong and cant speak nicely to people.

he is now sulking in his room because i told him if he can speak nicely dont speak at all.

off teh library we go, lets see if that cheers him up or if he just brings his foul mood with him lol. i know me and tay will have fun.

will see how teh rest of the day goes. but im exhausted today, hips killing from spd and bubba didnt let em sleep she decided to party in my belly all night lol. and i still have a crap load of study to get through today aswell

[Inanna]

Big hugs honey...

The thing is: he probably doesn't know himself why he reacts. The trick is to find a way to communicate your needs without pressing his buttons.

The best thing I invested in was a white board. I say: I really want to take you guys down to the ice cream shop. If a can do this, b can do that, c can do this and R can do that we'll go at 4pm. Put the timer on the stove.

YOU take the you out of the equation then. It teaches him responsibility abd you are not breating down his neck.

I truly empathise & whilst every situation is different I understand some of what you say.

I think you are doing a great job my love...

[kawazuki]

thank you

thats a great idea.

gosh i love BB just for some ideas and perspectives on things, i have to remember im not the only one going through this lol he isnt teh first boy to resist and miss behave lol.

library went well, he just stayed with us and ended up joining in with story time with DD and making puppy dog puppets after the books were read..

think we need a white board and some lists..
i love lists lol lists are my fav thing and put the task adn reard up so its a visual for him not something he has to remember.

as he couldnt even remember sitting down talking about the punishment and our expectations lol