I think you're doing really well to process all of this. Some of what FC has written about her daughter reminds me of me when i was younger. It's not that I didn't want to he help around the house, it's just I couldn't remember the next thing I had to do. I also was (and am) a reading junkie - there were many school nights I read til 4am.

The thing to break down is the situation and the reaction to the situation. I think this is what you're working through with him. OK, I might not like having my reading interrupted, but I'm not going to throw a tantrum about it (and I never did, wouldn't have dared ) But that's about learning emotional control. So the lists etc may help reduce the amount of frustrating episodes, but there's also the need to work on how to deal with frustration calmly.

If he does have ASD/ADD or whatever, it will be affecting school life as well as home life. So he will need to learn coping skills. Having him assessed also means the school will have something to work with. Good luck with it all.