Hi all. Its been such a long time since Ive come on here, but now Im finding I need support from somewhere...anywhere.
I have a major issue in that I am concerned that very soon my husband and I may be heading toward divorce. The issue is that he is emotionally abusive - doesn't show me any respect, regularly puts me down, is ALWAYS angry with me, regularly states that he 'owns' me, treats me like an object (there is no emotional input into the relationship at all), only grants me an 'allowance' (I know nothing about his general finances), I can never do anything right according to him, he constantly criticizes my parenting, shouts at me and expresses extreme verbal hostility toward me frequently in front of our little boy (who is only 2, to the point where my little boy is saying 'stop it Mummy and Daddy' all the time - I feel so sorry for him), and he just generally he does not express any love or respect for me - basically I get the impression on a daily basis from him that he just 'puts up with me' and that he would rather not be married to me at all (I dont know why he stays, I have asked him why he stays but he cannot give a response) - I stay only because of my own religious beliefs at the moment, purely and nothing else (I have fallen out of love long ago). Basically, I believe I could move on if he is the one to make that first move..
The issue I have is that I have had several episodes of depression pretty much as a result of the build up of (emotionally blocking my own responses) a result of his behaviours and emotional abuse - it seems the only way I have been able to deal with this sort of relationship is to become emotionally numb and detached on a day to day basis -which then seems to come out in an annual depression (because obviously I am not effectively dealing with my emotions very well daily).. Im not sure how to fix this but will be seeing a counsellor soon - its just so hard to put up with emotional and verbal abuse on a day to day basis and then not end up depressed at some point.
I am really concerned that if my husband and I do separate (which mind you I am going to try and prevent to the best of my ability by taking him to counselling with me for the next year!!)... but if we do separate - I am really worried that he is going to get my mental health records and use them against me to obtain custody of my little boy.. he already criticizes my parenting all the time - he is an 'always/never' person - so if I have done something wrong once, it becomes that I 'always' do this or I 'never' do that (in his mind). So because I had some times of sleeping in whilst I was experiencing some post natal depression, he has built it up in his mind that I am 'lazy' and that I sleep in 'all the time' and that I am 'always tired and depressed' and that 'he does everything around the house' and that basically in his mind 'I do nothing' (none of this which is true at all!!!, its all lies and the way that he has built it up in his mind). He is generally very narcissistic and extremely good at projecting all his own emotional problems onto me, and then convincing others that its me that has the problems - he is so manipulative, he totally convinced the psychiatrists at the hospital that I was a total loser (I couldnt speak for myself due to being so depressed). I am very worried about how he will probably be quite successful at convincing a court that he is an 'exceptional' parent (when it is really quite the opposite because I am very worried about how his negative, angry and disrepectful comments at me all the time are impacting my little boy and how he is generally learning from my husband that you don't have to respect women at all).
I guess I just dont know what to do. Has anyone been through anything like this before? and have any advice?.. can I prevent the courts accessing my medical records? (because they are an inaccurate portrayal of me and tell none of my side of the story)..
I know my husband would become so terribly nasty if we were to divorce because he has an extremely nasty streak and would do everything he possibly could to not give me any money and to get full custody of my little boy - basically he is the type of person that would want to do everything in his power to completely ruin me... because he is such a narcissist and would never want to be seen as being a failure himself.
Please, anyone??