How do I do this??

[kiwidolly]

I split with DD's dad a while back, a mutual decision between both of us and I did tell him that there would be a possibility of me seeing another guy. I have started seeing this new guy and my DD loves him, talks about him all the time etc in front of her dad. Ex-P is ok with the new guy.

This guy and I will be moving in together at the end of February and my DD will be there. How do I get them being comfortable with each other? They have spent days together and she trusts him. I don't think there will be any problems with that, but how do I make it a smooth transition for them both??

TIA

[Doula Kelsey]

Hey kiwidolly, I so get where you are coming from. I have 5 kids (well 3 teens and 2 under that now) and i split
from their dad 7 yrs ago. I met a man, and he was awesome (you are lucky your ex likes him, mine did not as
he felt replaced!!). When we got together (nearly 5 years ago now) my youngest was 3. My now hubby, moved in and
there was not really any change in the way life was. The kids embraced him and accepted him into our clan and he
has been and is very loved. The kids did not need to be prepared, as they were always going to just take it in their stride.
As long as i did not lose my focus as mum and they felt loved and adored by me and knew nothing had really changed,
they felt safe and all was well. We just got married (nov 11th 2011) and are a very happily family. If he is a good
man (your kids let you know) then dont worry about it. She will be fine, he will be fine, you will be fine and together
you will create a beautiful new family together.

[Doula Kelsey]

Oh, and excuse my title...i so keep putting the CAPTCHA in the title...sigh

[kiwidolly]

Thank you! You are right. I believe it will work, just feeling a little nervous about it all!

[Doula Kelsey]

Thank you! You are right. I believe it will work, just feeling a little nervous about it all!

Perfectly normal to feel that way but from what you have expressed, all will go beautifully.
So good that you will also have the support you need

[kiwidolly]

Thank you. I guess I just needed to hear it from other people. Feeling a little fragile at the moment.

[Doula Kelsey]

Thank you. I guess I just needed to hear it from other people. Feeling a little fragile at the moment.

Fragile because of the move, the change...or something else?? PM If you need...I am a good listener!!

[kiwidolly]

Thanks. More just the change. I've spent the last 3 years feeling put down and struggling to stay sane (if you know what I mean) whereas now, I have a man that loves me and would do anything and just finding it hard to trust.

[carolinaw]

Cherish what you have now dear. Don't think of unhappy things. Let nature take its course. Lucky that your girl loves him. Hope you could work it out.

[Doula Kelsey]

Thanks. More just the change. I've spent the last 3 years feeling put down and struggling to stay sane (if you know what I mean) whereas now, I have a man that loves me and would do anything and just finding it hard to trust.

I sooo get you. I have been there too and sometimes it's almost hard to believe that you deserve better, if not...the best!!
It might take time but you will get there. Trust...or at least have faith in him and see where things go. Sending you big hugs...take a leap of faith, you deserve him!!

[Jellyfish]

DP and I got together when DD was almost 2, we moved in together about 9 months ago and now have another DD together. Before moving in we had sleep overs both at his place and mine where I would step back to let him be involved in caring for her needs. We also discussed our parenting ideas early on as DD is the most important thing in my life so wasn't about to waste time with someone whose thoughts didn't align. When we moved in DP just continued to be active in her care and I just let them work out their relationship together with minimal involvement. Now you could never tell by looking that they aren't related, he is equally good with both girls.

So the main thing for me was just giving them space to work it out in their own time. You really do need to trust someone a lot to bring them into your child's life so that you are able to take that back seat. We never had any problems once we began living as a family, I hope things go smoothly for you also.

[kiwidolly]

thank you for all the replies. I feel so much better!

I guess I need to stop stressing about it all and just let it happen, I can always step in if it gets away from me. I'm also lucky that my new partner is always talking to me about things and asking me how I want things to work out. Complete opposite to DD's father.