MIL and feeding Olive solids

[Crystalwings]

I'm going through this thing with my MIL which makes it really difficult as DH says 'just leave it' but it really annoys me. My MIL fed Olive her first banana mixed with my bm while I was at work about 2mths ago which I was annoyed about then snuck food in to feed her while I was at work the next time she came over. She made the comment to DH that she will be "in trouble cause she fed her pineapple and banana" so why do it. I find it so frustrating and it wouldn't be such a big deal if she wasn't sneaky. I mean there was actually a reason that I was introducing things slowly, Olive was allergic to apples and pears and if I leave a certain food for her thats what I expect her to be fed. I'm recovering from an operation ATM so she came around yesterday. I had a sleep and when I woke up she had the bib on Olive and was hiding some mashed banana with orange juice mixed in on the bench and was acting really guilty. Now I wouldn't mind if she asked but why hide it? I explained that I hadn't tried Olive with orange juice as she had the reactions and it's quite acidic and she doesn't really like banana but she went on about vit C then fed it to her and made so many comments about how much she liked it even though she was screwing her face up. She also made some food for us and some vege mash for Olive which she said had sweet potato, turnips, swede and brocolli in it. She fed her some for lunch even though she had already had breakfast and the banana and Olive seemed to like it. Then later on when I decided to put the rest into a container to freese I niticed that there was chicken in it. WTF why lie? Why not just say there is chicken in it? It's sneaky and makes me not trust her.
DH says that she thinks that she is doing the right thing and that Olive needs it in her eyes but i'm over it. I'm the mother. A couple of months ago Olive was really sick and the doctor told me to water down her formula as we were weaning off the breast and it was to strong for her while she was sick which was about a week. Well my MIL asked the other week if we were still doing that as she was worried Olive wasn't getting enough nutrition! It makes me think she thinks we are stupid or something.
Thanks for reading this far and listening to my vent.
Should I say something? How can I nicely say "butt out!"

[boobaloo]

what is it with men who wont stand up to their mums??

i would just say to her that you appreciate that she's trying to help, but you are following dr's instructions on how to feed olive and they need to be stuck to. maybe mention that if she can't do that, you'll have to find someone to look after her who will.

good luck!

[MantaRay]

I know how you feel - I have similar issues with my MIL. Your DH is right, that she does THINK she's doing the right thing, but that's not the point. It's fine for her to think you are doing the wrong thing - I think most MILS do think that about their DILs, and part of it comes from the difference in recommendations and medical advice from when they were mums. I understand that. But it's NOT ok to act on it and do things against your wishes. My MIL feeds my boys things I'd prefer she didn't, and mostly I let it go as it's minor (but I do pull her up for spoon feeding my 4yo who is quite capable of feeding himself but knows that nanny will cave, and then expect all of us to feed him at the next meal!!). But I would not have let it go if she was feeding a baby those things. I would be livid in fact.

I know how hard it is and your DH probably feels like he can't win. But you do need to make it clear to both of them that there are things that are acceptable (such as grandma giving a toddler or pre-school kid a chocolate or similar treat), and some that are not (introducing a new food to a baby without your permission). Grandparents will be grandparents, which is why I pick my battles and let some things slide. But with most things, every member of the family knows where the line is that they are not to cross. I hope that makes sense.

GL hun. It's not an easy one.

[Ginger]

it's the sneakyness that annoys me the most.she is deliberately undermining your parenting.
your dh really needs to speak to her about it or it will keep going on with all types of issues about olive over the next few years (not just with regards to food) and will reach boiling point.

[Lulu]

I would just ask her why she insists on doing it when she knows it upsets you...

[lauren22]

what is it with men who wont stand up to their mums??

i would just say to her that you appreciate that she's trying to help, but you are following dr's instructions on how to feed olive and they need to be stuck to. maybe mention that if she can't do that, you'll have to find someone to look after her who will.

good luck!

:yeahthat:
My DF takes his mothers side too and i believe shes had her babies and she raised them how she wanted to this is your baby and you will feed her what you want to. DH needs to help you. Goodluck

[NaeNae]

Hmm, it makes me mad when I read posts about parents butting in like this.

Rather then getting DH to say something, i think its high time YOU had the conversation with her.
Be nice but firm " MIL, thank you for helping me so much with Olive, I know you have quite a bit of experience with babies so it is reassuring to know that she is in capable hands. Can I please ask you to not feed her anything that I don't know about. She gets plenty of nutrition and is perfectly healthy. We will decide when we want to introduce different solids into her diet."

If she comes back with any excuses you can always add the threat " I have asked you nicely not to feed DD food we have not introduced her to, if you cannot respect our/my wishes, we simply will not leave her in your care."

She needs putting back in her box and as Olives mother, you need to be the one to do it obviously your Dh isn't strong enough to stand up to his mum.

Nae x

[Winter]

My MIL would be scraping herself off the floor if she did this to me!

I think it is the height of disrespect to you as a mother to feed YOUR child food that you haven't approved.

If you DF wont say anything, I think you have to, being calm but firm.

Good Luck!!

[sirenz]

geez, next she will be shoving peanut butter down your dd throat! I know exactly how you feel. when my MIL came to visit, i came downstairs only to find her trying to teach ds how to give the finger!!! I LOST IT completely with her, i mean wtf?? why would you teach a then 15 month old that??

I think you need to put her in her place, and you need to do it now. I think if you are polite about it to her, she just won't listen, so you really need to be firm. Do what NaeNae said and refuse to let her look after your dd if she continues to disobey your rules.

GL with it, i know how frustrating and annoying it can be, ESPECIALLY when your dh won't stand up to her!