Motherless Mothers

**Khaleesi** · December 13th, 2012, 06:31 AM

I always start feeling down around certain times of year.
Mothers Day, Birthday, Day of death & Christmas.

It does get easier but those days still make me sad lots of <3 & hugs xx

**ll80** · December 13th, 2012, 01:08 PM

It does at this time of year even after so many years. Coming up to 14.

Christmas, New Years, then anniversary of her death a week later.

I find it very hard to have any Christmas cheer, but do my best for the kids. Just not the same for me without my mum.

**~Gee_Whizzy~** · December 13th, 2012, 01:32 PM

24yrs next Feb for me and I still wish I could sleep through Christmas, New Year, Her anniversary, Her Bday and Mothers day.....

the only reason i make an effort now is for my girls...

it does get easier but you can never escape it and for me that's what i find the hardest

big

K the "firsts" are definitely the hardest...

**Beautiful Disaster** · December 13th, 2012, 01:35 PM

thanks gorgeous ones

**Tuesday's Child** · December 13th, 2012, 10:07 PM

More hugs hun. It doesn't matter how long it's been, certain times are always hard.

I put a lot of pressure on myself last year to fill my mum's christmas shoes. That was a big mistake and resulted in a massive meltdown (or several) on my part. This year my only aim is to not have a meltdown. Rather than trying to be my mum, I'm just going to enjoy my girls and what family we will have around us.

**Beautiful Disaster** · December 25th, 2012, 04:56 AM

merry Christmas everyone. I'm not sure how I feel yet. I don't think it will hit me till lunch when they arent there.

hope u all have a lovely day xxx stay safe

**~Gee_Whizzy~** · December 25th, 2012, 12:04 PM

Merry Christmas to you too BD

**Neoma** · February 13th, 2013, 07:22 AM

Today marks 25 years since I lost my mum. Today I feel sad and angry that she was taken away from me when I was just 9. It's not fair that she missed seeing her three children grow to teens and adulthood. It's unfair she never saw her 5 beautiful grandchildren and its unfair that I am older than my own mother. Time makes the pain easier to deal with, but it will never leave.

**LimeSlice** · February 13th, 2013, 07:25 AM

Neoma. It must have been incredibly difficult losing her so young.

**~Gee_Whizzy~** · March 15th, 2013, 08:47 PM

Mum would've been 62 today

10th Feb this year marked 24 years since she left this earth. I miss her more than any words could ever, ever express.
Feeling very fragile atm and just want her here

**Beautiful Disaster** · March 15th, 2013, 09:09 PM

I give you big squeeze on 2 weeks xxxx I'm feeling same G just suckful

**~Gee_Whizzy~** · March 15th, 2013, 09:30 PM

I apologise in advance for any tears that are shed when we catch up

just feeling really ***tful atm

**Beautiful Disaster** · March 16th, 2013, 12:44 AM

No need love I'm sure I be the same

**~Gee_Whizzy~** · March 16th, 2013, 09:21 AM

No need love I'm sure I be the same

We can laugh and cry together

**Snacks** · April 30th, 2013, 12:10 PM

I've seen this thread before & shuddered. I couldn't imagine raising my kids without Mum.
Mum died on 16th March this year, 9 months after her diagnosis of myelodysplasia, and a mere 3 months after it progressed to acute myeloid leukemia.
Obviously the loss I feel is still very new and raw.
I know everyone says they carry on to be the best they can be for their kids. I am really struggling to do this though. My poor kids. I am so impatient, so cranky, lacking in motivation. I just really miss my mum & want to selfishly grieve.
How long will this go on? I know that I will never stop missing Mum, but how long will I be so absorbed by it? I'm wondering if I need to get some help? Did anyone else have counseling or something? I mean, when the kids are behaving nicely it is easy to love them. I'm just finding that when they fight or get overtired I lose my cool so easily.
Perversely I find I miss her most when things are wonderful. Like when the kids do something so funny or so gorgeous... I sometimes find myself in uncontrollable tears when I should be laughing. I really want to share these moments with her - I can see her face as I tell her, I can still see her laughter as she enjoys those moments with me. The loss of that reality is sometimes too much to cope with.

**LimeSlice** · April 30th, 2013, 04:02 PM

s Snacks.

For a long time the hardest times were the good times. I kept reaching for the phone to send her pics, or adding her to messages. I kept her phone connected for a while too just so I could call and her her voice on the voicemail. :/

This may be morbid, but it helped me... I find i do much better when I talk to her. When I actively set out to scream at the sky or something. I go through periods of being so angry with her, with those around her, for not recognising there was a problem, to periods of intense grief and sadness that she is gone. And this still is in swings and roundabouts, 4.5 years on.
I have her ashes so she sits on my bookshelf... LOL... And I talk to her, I know it isn't really her, but I know she is still around, listening.

I think if you feel you need to unpack some emotional stuff, then absolutely go and see someone to help you do that. It will take a long time to process everything and get to a place that is more...comfortable. But in my experience, it never goes away. I know I will be sitting at my girls' weddings, and part of me will be devastated my mum isn't there. Or at their graduations, or their debs.

Anyway, we are all here, we know what it feels like to do this without her, and some of the lovely ladies in here have been doing this for a long time. Nothing you feel or do is wrong, there is nothing you *should* be feeling or doing either.

I'm so sorry you are now in this with us.

**Khaleesi** · April 30th, 2013, 04:20 PM

I'm so sorry you've had to join us Snack

I'll BBL

**~Gee_Whizzy~** · April 30th, 2013, 04:23 PM

first of all my deepest sympathy to you Snacks on the loss of your beautiful Mum

my only suggestion at this early stage is that what you are feeling is completely normal. i was young when my Mum passed away (11 turning 12) and whilst I did have counselling i don't think it was particularly helpful for me only because i was so young and didn't really have the coping skills and just kind of brushed it off. it wasn't until i was in my late teens that it really "hit me". and boy did it hit with avengeance. it was then i sought counselling again and really benefited from it because i was older and better able to articulate my emotions.
My best advice is to seek a counsellor who specialises in loss and grief.

also, two big helps for me were two books.Motherless Daughters and Motherless Mothers. both by Hope Edalmen(sp).

Everything is very new and raw for you hun, so you are allowed to "not be coping". i wish i could say it'll get better soon but honestly the first 6-12mths are hell. allow yourself to feel and process your emotions - i bottled mine for so long (moreso due to immaturity and inappropriate coping mechanisms and my Dad was a very stoic man so it was all business and getting on with raising my sister and I) that when it all did come to a head - the proverbial did hit the fan and it wasn't nice.

and it's not perverse to miss her when things are going well. i miss my mum everyday but moreso when my DDs do/make or say something that i know she would've loved/laughed at. and honestly that ache that she missed out on meeting and seeing her granddaughters has never gone away and i don't think it ever will

here if you need to vent/chat/rage or anything and so sorry you've had to join this thread