Tennykins-Just thought i'd also add.. My Ds doesnt listen at preschool either... They have asked me to solve the issue at home but after months of it they realise i have been trying everything possible but its not helping...
The latest is him pulling a nasty face when asked to do something and when he gets in trouble he yells back at us.
We have been having one on one time as he had been getting worse through out the pregnancy and now is worse now our DD has been around. I realise its probably the issue but its not like were not having one on one time... We have snuggles on the lounge. While i'm BF we sit all together, read a book while feeding. We eat lunch together i read to him at bed time. While DD is sleeping we do activity books, play dough, make train tracks... I have done everything i can to make him feel involved as well but his behavious still isnt changing... Its like he gets in moods where his ears arent connected to his brain and he is just plain defiant.
I do the kneeling down to speak to him, we speak calmly and do the whole run down of things. I get him involved with finding the things for shopping or what ever but now he runs off to find the things we normally get... (like milk he'll run straight off to that section grab 2 milks and try to carry them to the trolley just to run off to the next thing. i hate the arm straps but if things dont improve i'll have to resort to using one... My fear is that he'll get lost or worse get lost try to find me and end up in the car park... Have tryed walking away- but he's not scared to be alone at the shops... I'm hoping that its a BAD stage and things will improve soon... for the time being we just have to keep up being consistant with what we choose to let slide and what we dont. If i didnt ignore the little he'd be in trouble all day everyday.... I try to praise him when he's been good (even if its only for a short time)
Lulu - I wish someone would have told me this happens at around 3months. Lol. He was really really great with DS2 and I was thinking ' YAY! and telling myself it was silly to be stressing about it throughout my pg... but just this last week he's getting really really jealous now. Yeah, I knee down to him, and most of the time tell him our agenda and ask him to help me remember to get bread and milk and things like that since I'm still forgteful from the pg days. He's the opposite with me then with just DP. He behaves better when DP is around. Oh right! I haven't been making it a big deal about going out without DS2. Thanks for that. It should help.
Plonkee - I don't know how I would cope with double the trouble. Some days it does feel like all the day consists of is "do" and "don't" and "no". We've got the same kinda problem with DP's work like you do. My DP finishes between 5 and 6 and works most the weekend. The full day he actually has off we really like to spend as a family all together too - beach, picnics, etc. I really hope something starts working out with your boys.
Jess - The other day when the teacher at preschool was filling me in on his not listening, she did kind of say it as though we're not trying to fix it at home. She already knows he's the same at home as he is there, cause she's asked me if he has his own agenda at home too. I too am hoping it's a bad stage that will just move along very soon. He's starting big school next year so that surely has to help, right?
I recently did a parenting course called "Parent Effectiveness Training". I learned an awful lot. If it's available in your area, I would DEFINITELY recommend it.
It teaches you techniques for identifying problem behaviour, identifying who is responsible for the problem ,and techniques for dealing with the behaviour. The child needs to be told what the problem behaviour is, what the tangible effect on you is (ie money, effort, energy) and how you feel about it. You need to listen to the child and make sure they understand that their behaviour is causing YOU problems and if they change their behaviour, then you'll be happier.
For example: DS2 is kicking the back of the driver's seat in the car. I say "DS2, when you kick the back of my seat, I get worried that we're going to have a crash".
another example: DS1 is hitting his brother. I say "DS1, when you hit your brother, he cries, and I have to comfort him, which means I don't get time to make dinner/play games with you/read my paper in peace". Whatever is appropriate for the situation.
Would you believe that since I made this thread last week... DS1 has been reasonably good?? Coincidence or what?
I'm hoping he's finally realised that good boys get to do really fun, cool, exciting things and naughty boys don't.
The real test will be whether he listens at preschool this week though.
Fingers crossed this behaviour sticks around.
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