This baby that's still cooking will be our last, when I was younger I always expected I'd have three (I am one of three), and DH and I always talked about having children (eg 2+). But like Miss B, I met my husband later in life (31) and that together with infertility issues has meant that our baby making journey hasn't been the easiest. Had we not gone down the IVF path chances are we might have already had No#2 and be ready for No#3. But the reality is here we are, expecting our last baby at age 38 for me and 40 for DH. This baby will complete our family. I would happily go again, but DH struggled to come to terms with having No#2, so there is no way on earth he could go through all the fertility stuff again. I can accept that as I know this is the right decision for our family unit, but it wont stop me feeling that pang as others go on to have more babies when we have stopped.
Toomanyshoes: my wife had many plans, ideas and rules about having children back when we got married. One of those silly rules was she would be done by 30. She gave birth to our 3rd child at 31 and suddenly turned into a baby machine.
The thing is she realized the 30 rule was an arbitrary number that wasn't nearly important at 30+ than it was at 20+. Although PG's in 30's are not the same as in 20's, your body should handle just fine. Outside of special circumstances there is no reason to assume pregnancy issues through your thirties.
What I am trying to say is don't hamper your family's happiness over an arbitrary number. If you are struggling with this, maybe wait a little longer. If you have next baby at 36 who cares so long as you and family are excited and happy. My wife and I are gearing up to actively try for our sixth and I can honestly say we are very excited and hopeful. She is 37 right now and obviously nearing the end of reasonably fertile expectations. But if her body is still functioning well enough we will take advantage of it and enjoy the opportunity to make our family better, more complete.
BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
Jun 2004
The Festival State
3,008
i had one child and she arrived when i was 39. Lucky to even have her. Every reason you can think of, is why i don't have another, to give her a sibling.
financially, physically, no partner or liklihood of that happening, and i've realised, with my health, there is no way i could cope with more than one child. So it was meant to be. Doesn't stop me dreaming and wanting, another. I see babies in public and sometimes tear up.
I've been single for six years. It's hard to have more kids without a bloke
I always wanted five kids. In fact, with the right man, and in the right circumstances, I'd love to have another three. It is possible, given my age, to have another three - but the whole partner thing is an issue.
We wanted 4 or 5, both of us even we still had two kids. Then reality hit in a big way, my body doesn't like carrying babies to term everyday after 34 weeks is a struggle. Having two little girls to look after and having dh trying to run a business and look after all of after was difficult then the fast labour on top of that I knew I was done before ds was even born. Dh supported me and came to the same decision and was thinking about a vasectomy which he had once ds was 1. It took us a while to settle into a routine with three kids and further confirmed that three kids was enough for us. I still look at babies wistfully but I know we aren't having anymore.
After getting married young and separating at 31, I was single for most of my thirties. I hadn't really thought about children or how many I wanted in my twenties but realised time was running out when I was in my mid-thirties and single.
After having DD1 at 38, I wanted heaps more but it took me a long time to recover from that pregnancy/birth. I was virtually housebound for six months after her birth because I couldn't walk very well and am still feeling the effects five years later.
My second pregnancy was even worse physically - was in a wheelchair and had gestational diabetes to boot.
The only way I could have another baby is to wait until DD2 is around three years old. Physically, I can't lift or carry DD2 for very long which is troublesome when there are definitely times when I need to lift/carry her.
If it wasn't for the physical issues, I think I would have had three by now. Despite my age, I got pregnant both times within a couple of months of trying.
How do I reconcile myself to this? I just think back of the lonely and worrying times in my thirties when I didn't think I would have ANY children and that makes me feel incredibly blessed to have two.
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