Raising a one and only child chat thread.

[mako]

Hi I hope you don't mind me joining in too I have DS who is 2.5 years old and he's currently our one and only. I'm wanting to try for another but DH isn't all that keen considering our pregnancy success rate
I'd love for DS to have a sibling but I'm slowly slowly slowly coming around to the idea that a sibling just may not be possible
If that is the case then so be it but I do want to see what my specialist has to say next Monday after my last D&C in March.

I did always want 4 children by the time I turned 30 but that never happened and DH and I agreed on 2 babies but with our history of m/c's it is slowly taking its toll on me,him and us as a family unit.

So for now its just the 3 of us and we should know more next week and if things turn out the way DH is talking about then I think I'm going to need lots of support from all of you who are very happy with your family of 3

[Starfish]

Yay, so glad to hear of other 1 child families - everyone around me seems to be having several children and I sometimes feel like the odd one out.

I fully understand the "will I love another baby as much" issue. I feel that too. Also, DH and I are both kind of worried that if we have another child they won't be as "good" as DD. This sounds awful, but DD is very advanced in her speech, she is very healthy, well behaved, had no problems breastfeeding, etc. I am scared if I have another one who is not a "dream baby" like Diana, I will always be comparing them to her. Or is this just an excuse because I think that having one is enough, but don't feel that this is good enough for others? I've only ever wanted one, and the way we live at the moment, I am not sure how another baby would fit in. E.g. we co-sleep, and have no real rules or routines. This is fine with one well behaved child but would most likely not work with a more challening one...

And then there is the financial implications...

[Miss.September]

Wow, great thread!

DD is 13 months, and our one and only. Neither DH or I are convinced we want another, but we're not ruling it out either. Like Mummy Naomi, DD was born with hip dysplacia and to have another in the same boat scares me. DH works really long hours so I've pretty much done it solo, can I manage two? DD isn't the greatest sleeper and some days are a real struggle. I don't know any only children as adults, so I don't even know how people feel about having no siblings. I grew up with a brother and two stepbrothers, and DH grew up with two brothers and we both have very large extended families. There is no pressure from anyone on us to have another which is lovely. AHHHHHH what to do!!

Corelly x

[widdly]

mako - sorry you have had such a hrad time trying for anohter bub xxx

starfish - We dont really have rules and routines either which is something I worried about when considering bub 2. We like not having to stress about routine too much.

corelly - having a first bub with 'issues' makes the decision to have another 1 even harder doesnt it. DS had an op at 3 weeks old and then got severe reflusx til he was 2 years old. He constantly vomited, I mea every 5 mins his clothes would be saturated. If we went out for the day I had to take ALL of his clothes, bibs and spew rags with us. It was gross and looking back I dont know how I got through it! As far as sleep goes, DS turns 4 tomorrow and has only just started sleeping thorugh in his own bed, well actually he still often comes into my bed for a cuddle during the night! There is no way I want to go through all of that again. People tell me "Oh the 2nd wont be that bad" but how can they guarrantee that?

Also, finding a babysitter for 1 child is so much easier!

[Miss.September]

People tell me "Oh the 2nd wont be that bad" but how can they guarrantee that?

widdly - don't you HATE that!!! I was the first born, and then came my brother. Mum has always said that if he had've come first, there would've been no me!!!

What's the saying - if you get a good one, stop at one!!! I don't know that I agree with that, but sheesh! It's a better thing to say than the other!

Corelly x

[Nettie]

I asked someone the other day who mentioned that they were an only child - if they felt they missed out. They said 'I didn't know anything else - iykwim' She also mentioned that there were lots of cousins and neighbourhood kids which meant she wasn't lonely... I think that's they key.

[Malyna]

DS is only ever going to be an only child. I'm 40 and while I probably physically could have another child, I can't mentally cope with another child. He doesn't have any close kids and I struggle to make friends at playgroup etc, although he does got to the gym creche.

MIL and DH hint at having another baby, but I know I can't cope with another one. Bit tired of people saying that I shoudl have another child because of some perceived social requirements to have 2+kids.

[Gigi]

wow, i was going to hit "REPLY WITH QUOTE", but there were SO MANY posts i agreed with, i just coudln't put them all.

Like DaniellaBella, i had a traumatic delivery and a bad first year.
Like Nettie, i am petrified of what would happen to bilby, if i was unable to care for her.
I am older, recently out of toxic r'ship, finding it hard to trust anyone, not even looking at men, so the possibility of getting pregnant is zero.
Not in a financial situation to provide for another child.
Feeling guilty about not providing bilby with a sibling, especially when we have so little family. (her dad and one elderly aunt).
Took so long to conceive, i am very fortunate to have had one child at all.
I am so grateful we both survived the delivery (bandl's ring happened during delivery).

bilby is definately an only child.

[MummaSue]

Gigi

I'm still pretty traumatised by our first few months - although things did get better after time...... but we're still pretty sure that DD will be an only child. I have weird panic like feelings when I am around new babies.

[widdly]

mummasue, I shudder and feel a little panicky still when I see a heavily pregnant woman or someone with a tiny baby.

gigi, I am divorced as of tomorrow from a toxic relationship, I dont think I will ever look for another man, I am open to one if i happen to stumble across one, but the thought of being single forever sits very well with me, that mixed with my infertility = 0.001% chance of me having more babies. I feel guilty occasionally that DS wotn have siblings, but there are plenty of worse things on life.

I work at a childcare centre in the nursery, I love it and get all my baby cuddles and cluckiness out, then I come home to a quiet home with my only Perfect balance

[Loveinamist]

Hi all just wanting to subscribe (although not sure if this thread is even still alive??)

We are 99% sure DS is an only child forever. Practically, we cannot afford more IVF or another child as DH is unemployed and there is a recession etc etc and I am now 38. Emotionally I have a big stumbling block when it comes to the thought of another child. I really cannot imagine loving another child and actually resent the thought of a new child muscling in on DS's time with me. That does sound rather extreme when I see it written down but I must face that that is how I feel. And if that is how I feel now, I guess I am in no way ready to have another child. So it would be wrong for me to consider it at all just to fulfill some societal expectation or some concern for DS's future with no siblings.
I have also seen no joy in having more than one child amongst my peers and my family. My mother had a nervous breakdown trying to cope with my brother and I when we were 2 kids under 2 (which could explain my deep seated resentment of a 'second child' i.e. my own feelings as the first child losing my 'happy mummy') and all my friends my age who have started having babies late and who have then rushed to have two kids before they were 40, are all struggling with two kids. My DH is also against having more since he had a horrendous childhood being the youngest of 5 where he was bullied mercilessly by his older siblings.
So that is my story! On a side note I watched a comedian the other night who was talking about having children. He said his wife and he decided to have another child to provide a playmate for the first. He said little did they realise they were actually creating the first child's arch nemesis!!!