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thread: to the single parents....

  1. #1
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Aug 2003

    to the single parents....

    Hey, i have been thinking alot lately and going through some [email protected], and been really down about things like having no family around, feeling alone and stuff. Up until recently i lived with a friend after Ashlea's dad and i split about 2 years ago, and am now living by myself. I've been seeing great guy for a while, so i guess i started to depend on him alot since moving out alone, and it was all great. Now he is heading overseas in a few weeks for a year or something so obviously all thats ending soon. Its been really hard this past week knowing he's going. We see each other and its all perfect, but then every time he leaves its really hard for us cause we know soon we will be saying goodbye for good. I've never had any type of relationship end on a good note where we arent together anymore cause we dont want to be, but because of circumstances like this.
    During the day everythings great, see friends, play with Ashlea, study and the rest, but im finding sitting at home with Ashlea in bed is starting to get really hard. I've never felt like this before, and just wondering if any other single parents ever get like this?

  2. #2
    Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

    Jan 2005
    Funky Town, Vic

    When I was on my own with DD, I always found nighttime the hardest. After she was in bed, tidy house, then what?? I was alone without a child hanging on me, and no-one to play with. My phone bill was enormous. You also have lots of quiet time right now to really think and ponder how sad you are going to be when it's time to say goodbye to your man.

    I began to invite a girlfriend or two around for "Wednesday night drinkypoos". We'd just sit around, have a beer or three, cook up a snack and have a gossip and a laugh. If anyone had a child, they would sleep over. It really broke up the week. Soon there was "Friday night drop in", a few people would drop by after work. My home ended up being a very cheery place, full of good vibes. It socialsed DD perfectly and the kids benefitted from the occasional sleepover. Nothing over the top though, just lots of laughs. It changed everything for me, the loneliness was awful before. A few years down the track, more kids, more hrs at work and that doesn't happen anymore. I really really miss it.!!

    Hope the crap goes away soon.


  3. #3
    *Yvette* Guest

    Hi Dee,

    Yay the single Mums, some of the gutsiest, most resourseful, self reliant and loving mums I've known have been single Mums, me included.

    I've spent a fair bit of time as a single mum on and off between husbands. Just think of all those mums in dud relationships out there who would absolutely love to be you and not have anyone to answer to.

    You can control the tv remote, keep the house exactly how you like it, never be obliged to seek anyone's opinion when you make a decision. And being online is a great link to the outside world.

    If you can afford a baby sitter so you can get out and do something for yourself with other grownups outside the house on a regular basis, that helps a lot. I used to go to choir once a week to keep me sane.

    It's amazing what you can do on your own when you have to isn't it? Enjoy the advantages and take your sweet time browsing for Mr Right. Some people get to like their independence so much they never want to give it up.

    And do you ever get annoyed at the current affairs shows having a bit of a single mother bash from time to time?.....Don't get me started

  4. #4
    BellyBelly Member

    Mar 2005
    Bunbury, WA

    Id like to be able to help people out with a bit of really low cost baby sitting... I like babies.. and I know how much I can help people by giving them a chance to get out...

    but sorry.. I live in WA

    (the other prob u can encounter.. is if you're too nice.. u can get taken advantage of..)

    Single mothers can do amazing jobs bringing up children.. My mother was single until I was 13... and im just fine... (well.. better than fine I guess.. im the first in the family to go to uni.. and my aunt told me the other day that I was a good example for my young cousin.. lol)

    Just try and think about the wonderful things you're doing.. Could craft help to keep you busy? It feels wonderful creating things.. If you make gifts etc too.. it can save money... and make wonderful personalised presents.


  5. #5
    Chi-Chi Guest

    Kellie, so wonderful to read your post. Praise the Single Mothers =D> =D> =D> =D> =D>

    As much as it is important & necessary (& fun sometimes) to have a vent & whinge & bag men & complain about it being tough...

    It is so wonderful & liberating & confidence building to share & celebrate the great things about being a single mum.

    *I love that I don't have to answer to anyone & can make decisions by myself & for myself & my daughter

    *I love having my bed to myself to sleep in, to read until 2am if I want, to have cups of tea & eat toast in bed...to sleep on the diagonal

    *I love being messy when I feel lazy without feeling like I have to tidy up before 'he' gets home (without having to hear "what have you been doing all day?"

    *I love that when I tidy up & clean it stays that way

    *I love not having to pick up after a man & the resentment that goes with it

    *I love being able to go where I want & come home when I want

    *I love to take the credit for doing it on my own & doing it well!

    And I'm sure there's more...
    Let's be sure to accentuate the positives ladies \/

  6. #6
    BellyBelly Member

    Aug 2004

    great post cheech, you are a very strong lady, that is obvious, i really admire the attitude you have - good on you!

  7. #7
    Chi-Chi Guest

    Min, that is so sweet, thankyou.

    I don't always have a positive attitude. In fact I was upset this morning having to send my child to family or friends on the school holidays so I can work, when I'd really rather spend the time with her.

    But as much as I can, I am trying to be grateful for what I have!

    "Always look on the bright side of life!" :whistle: :whistle: :whistle:

  8. #8
    *Yvette* Guest

    Onya girls! Single mums are brave & strong. Lol @ reading til 2am, I always feel guilty when I'm engrossed in a book & DH feels ignored.

  9. #9
    Chi-Chi Guest

    OK, I thought of something else...

    (only a little thing, but hey, it works for me)

    I Love that I can watch "crappy" tv like Neighbours or the OC without being picked on or having to justify it. And I never have sport on my telly, ever!

    Also, I can read NW or Who Weekly or whatever & gossip on the phone with girlfriends about who's skanky & who's on with who & who looks fabulous...without be interrupted, or getting this :roll:

    Ladies, if you other single mums want to add to my list, feel free!

  10. #10
    Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

    Jan 2005
    Funky Town, Vic

    I was on my own for about 8 yrs before I got married, when I left him I was SSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to being on my own again. I'm still finding it hard to re adjust with current DP.
    I have always thought a perfect world would have boys living on one side of the street and girls on the other.

  11. #11
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Aug 2003

    Lulu, i miust admit, now that things have settled dowm im back to loving living on my own, and doing my own thing when and how I want.
    Thanks everyone for all your replies!! My friends have all been fantastic lately, they've been all coming here when there is no one to look after Ashlea, and its great to have some adult company around, but then its also nice to have my own 'me' time when they're gone
    And after having freinds over this weekend, and having to share my bed, i remembered how much I HATE sharing my bed and love having it all to myself!

  12. #12

    Nov 2004

    thanks for making me feel strong again :)

    I've just beome a single mum again (i was on my own with DS, who's now 2, until he was 10 months old) and after leaving my abusive husband (who was abusive because he thought i was 2 independant, and tried to squash my spirit) im now living at my parents with my 2 gorgeous boys. And Looking forward 2 bringing them up on my own. I dont ever want another relationship, i thought DH was special, he used to treat me like a princess, until he realised i was exactly the perfect little wife. NOw im saving up to get me, declan and xander our own place, and going to get my life back on track. No more men dictating my life to me. As it was said before (and its just perfect) "I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!" Who needs men? GO THE VIBRATOR hehehe

  13. #13
    Chi-Chi Guest

    Simone, I'm so pleased to hear your kick-ar$e attitude! It is a wonderful, courageous thing you're doing. Honestly, more power to you!

    I've been where you are now & you can do this.

    In time, when you look back...you'll realise how far you have come. And you'll be so proud of what you've done on your own. Your children will grow up proud of their strong mama too.

    It has taken great strength to get out & more strength will be required from you as you go about creating a new life for you & your children...but you will rise to the challenge. You will find an inner strength that you never knew you had!

    Single mothers are the strongest, more resourceful & compassionate people I know!

    You are on your way!

  14. #14
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Aug 2003

    Hey there everyone

    Kellie, hope things get better for you really soon!!

    Simone, you and your DH are back together again aren't you? Hope everything is going well for you and your family

    Chi-Chi, I agree with everything you said, I love looking at what i've done and how far I have got and being able to say I have done it all on my own.

    Its funny, cause i look back at the original post here and can hardly even remember all that [email protected]!

    Lately I'm loving everything, having a ball, and couldn't be happier. Met this great guy, he's fantastic, but he wants things to get all serious and all I want is to stay single! I can't imagine being in a relationship right now cause I love things just the way they are and don't want to change that for anyone.

    Ashlea is being so precious and grown up lately, i've only got 2 months of my course left to go and I have the most beautiful friends in the world.

    I wouldn't have it any different

    Woohoo to us single parents!!!

  15. #15
    kerry Guest

    You girls give me so much hope. Just reading your posts and feel more confident and sure of myself.

    I'm not a single mum yet but will be once my little bundle of joy is born. I still suffer terrible guilt over this as it was my decision to end the relationship however in the long run I think it is for the best. Part of me feels like a failure because I couldn't make my relationship work, because I have shamed my family and I am bringing my baby into the world without the happy family society tells us is necessary.

    Then again part of me knows that staying with my XP would not have meant a happy family. It would have meant a miserable me who constantly felt that everything I said and did was wrong. I would have had to work myself to the bone both at home and work so he could sit around with his mates and get drunk or blow every cent we had at the pokies.

    I know deep down that on my own I can be a better parent and family to my child than I could ever have been had I stayed with the XP and you girls show me how to be even better than I thought.

  16. #16
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Aug 2003

    Hey there Kerry, just wanted to say that I hope evrything is going well for you. The who thought of being a single parent is a very daunting thing to face, but like kellie said it is much better to figure things out now and do whats best for yourself and your child.

    I stayed with my baby's father for a while after having her because I couldn't stand the thought of my daughter growing up in a split family. When I finally asked him to leave I couldn't have been happier. Sure its tough, and its tiring, and sometimes you wonder how you'll cope, but I am so happy with everything, I love being a single mum, i adore my little monster and we are so close because its just the two of us. She see's her dad, he doesnt live far away, and she is certainly a well adjusted little girl.

    Its not the 'family' unit the kids need the most, its just stability, love and happy parents, whether they be together or not.

    Like Kellie also said, we are always here to chat and support each other, so come and join in anytime

  17. #17
    kerry Guest

    Ok Question Time... Am I being selfish and unfair/unreasonable by not having the XP at my morph scan?

    He is having a big sook about this at the moment and I am feel guilty. However why should I have him there?

  18. #18
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Aug 2003

    hello again, here is my opinion on the scan thing.

    I think that even thought you guys aren't together, if he is going to stick around and be involved in the baby's life then you should let him come. I know that when you split up there is always a lot of anger and resentment and things, but its not really fair to stop him being there when it is as much his baby as it is yours. I think you should encourage his involvment. I don't completely understand your position or relationship, and i can see where Kellie is coming from cause I remember speaking to her a while ago about her situation, and that Paige is better off the way she is, but like I said, if he is going to be in the child's life I think its better to leave the adult problems to the parents and let the child know both the parents love and want the child regardless of whether the parents are together or not. In the end, its up to you though, just my thoughts.
    Good luck with the scan!!

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