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thread: to the single parents....

  1. #19
    kerry Guest

    This is so hard.

    Ok since we split I have only heard from him directly once and then it was because he wanted me to do something for him. He didn't even ask how the baby was going and has said "the baby doesn't even count because its not here yet". Its been nearly 2 months. He expects to be involved in the baby's life (which I am all for) but only as a presence, when it suits him and not financially. Even when we were still together he refused to cover any of the cost associated with the baby (ie pram, cot, car seat) let alone medical expenses. Hell he didn't even pay the specialist bills for his son (with someone else), I used to do all of that.

    He wants to be at the scan and at the birth. I have told him when the scan is but I will not be reminding him and due to the time and the fact that he never gets up before noon I doubt he will show. There is no way I could have him at the birth, even for the babies sake.

  2. #20
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Aug 2003

    Hey Kerry, good idea, mention the scan, but don't remind him. Then its completely up to him if he remembers or not. I think you know your situation the best, and what will be best for you and your baby. You don't need the extra stress! Like I said, do what you htink is best for your situation.
    Ashlea's dad is great most of the time with her, but wont help out financially except what he has to pay for child support cause he doesnt want to think he is helping me out. Stupid Males (no offense to any!)

  3. #21
    kerry Guest

    Had my morph scan today and feel much more relaxed now. Bigfoot is a healthy little thing, even if his/her mum isn't. XP was a no show but that didn't really surprise me.

  4. #22
    Registered User

    Jan 2004

    Kerry, Just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you and YAY for Bigfoot being nice and healthy.


  5. #23
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Nov 2003
    Kilmore Vic

    I want to tell you all I think you are doing a wonderful job, well done.

    Just wanted to share another perspective of pg and not wanting to offend any body, cos all situations are diff as are all X's.

    My brother and his X split during early pg, and he did not see much of his X throughout. SHe allowed him to attend the ultrasound, and when it came to the birth he was at the hospital during the labour but not actually in the room. At the last minute my X SIL decided dshe would like him to see the baby as close to birth as poss and she asked him to come in, where he stood away at the head of the bed and saw his daughter for the first time, freshly born. My brother is one of those Dad's that loves his child and supports her financially even though child support says he doesn't have to. Him and his X have been on and of and are currently off, but either way he has his daughter every 2nd weekend and has since she was about 4 mths old. It is so good that they get along and we are able to be a part of my nieces life and that my kids get to see their cousin, and also that she is able to bond with her grandparents as well as her father. While this is the ideal set up it hasn't been an easy road, and ti has been stressful for both parents along the way but my niece has all the advantages she is entitled to. My brother is not indicitive of all Dad's though I understand this, but it is nice to see that some Dad's are in their child's lives and support the mum's who are doing it tough being the one and only for most of the times.

    Jo I hope you find the arrangement that suits you boith but most improtantly find the best arrangement for your child. If that is that your child's father is not around then that is not a bad thing, but I know that as Mum's we want what is best for our bubs. Don't feel guilty if you decide that not having your ex around is best cos you know that you are making that decision for the best interest of your child. Some parents use their children as pawns in a war with their ex and this is the saddest thing that they could do.

    I hope things continue to go well for your pg, good luck.

    Best wishes michelle

  6. #24
    kerry Guest

    Thanks Michelle. Your brother's story really is wonderful and I just wish my X was half as good as him. I want to ba able to offer my child what your brother has which is why I persist with maintaining contact with my XP's family, even if not so much with him (more his choice really).

    Kellie, I loved your wake up call this morning. You really do have a beautiful little girl there.

  7. #25
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Nov 2003
    Kilmore Vic

    Jo- I think you are doing well, cos it's not easy staying in contact when things are not working out.

    Kellie- she is gorgeous!

    Cheers michelle

  8. #26
    kerry Guest

    Staying in contact just got harder... I did dinner at the X's Dad's last night and then offered to drive him and his sone home. When we got there he tried to kiss me good bye. I freaked and pulled away knocking my head on the car window. Its all pretty funny now but at the time I was just so "ok how do I deal with this?". I settled for "I don't think thats a good idea, I have to go now".

    X's mum is causing some dramas atm. Told XP's son that I am some very unflattering things (or to quote him, rude words you don't let me say) and that I was just using his dad and wrecking their lives.

    Other than that everything is fine here. I am doing the house hunting thing atm as while I can stay with my parents for a while it wont work once bigfoot is here. I am looking at the best place tonight and really hjope I get it but will have to just wait and see.

    Hope you are all well and your little ones are behaving.

  9. #27
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Aug 2003

    Hello everyone again,

    Kerry, sorry to hear things are complicated, there is nothing more frustrating than having to deal with Ex stuff and knowing that there is going to be no end to it all anytime soon. Thinking that I have to deal with AShlea's dad and his gf for the next 15 years at least makes me furious!
    Hope everything calms down and works out for you. Great news to hear bubby is doing well!!!

    Ashlea's dad and I have finally come to an agreement and have the papers being written up this week. He is now having Ashlea every tuesday 3.30 til 8.30pm so she can have dinner with him, and sundays from 10am - 7pm. This is what he always had. He has also agreed to every second weekend sat 10am til sun 7pm. For so long he wouldnt have a bar of having her overnight on the weekend cause he couldn't stand to think i was going out and having fun. Anyway, obviously his lawyer told him to grow up and get over it.

    He also tried to get Ashlea every second year for christmas eve once he found out nothing would upset me more than waking up christmas day without her with me. I ended up telling his lawyer no way, not now, not in a few years, not ever ever ever happening. She always has spent christmas eve with me and always will. Once i said her dad is welcome to come over and spend christmas morning with her aswell she realised that Ashlea's dad was just trying to get me where it hurts and told him to drop it
    So, in the end, everything worked out exactly how i wanted it too, and he had to pay a lawyer to organise all this, and i didnt even bother with one! His lawyer would call me to see what i did/din't agree with, what i wanted changed, blah blah blah, acted like my own lawyer. She was fantastic.

    For those who know about all the crap with his ex, his lawyer put some extra clauses in the papers to basically say that if his Gf starts emotionally upsetting Ashlea again like last time or if Ashlea chooses not to go to dad's then she can't be forced to go. There are alot of little extra clauses to make sure everything that was concering me has been addressed and its all fantastic!

    Kellie, how is Paige going? I was reading your other post about being a nasty mum putting her to bed without dessert! haha, i do exactly the same thing, and Ashlea knows that i mean what i say and i wont go back on my word. Its much better for the kids to know that from a young age and learn the lesson when they are younger, rather than turning into monsters (like my friends kids) who at 6 years old still have huge tantrums when they cant have what they want cause they know their mother will then give in. I find it so frustrating because Ashlea see's them geting what they want cause they turn it on, and yet she knows i would never let her get away with that.

    Michelle, thanks for the post earlier, its always great when parents can get along well even if they arent together. I tried to explain that to ASh's dad, and said Ashlea would really like it if you would come over for her saddle club party next month, or if we could take her out for dinner together for her b'day, or come over christmas morning and open her santa presents blah blah blah and he could not comprehend such an idea cause his moron gf would have a melt down if Ashlea's dad and i spent more than 10 minutes in the same place together. He even made one of her friends go with Ashlea and her dad to drop her home last week cause she knows better than setting foot herself on my property.

    I have almost finished my incredibly long and draining year of studying massage therapy, just finished my very last assignment, have 3 weeks left with classes, then its just assessments and exams and i'll be finished. Looking forward to working again part time and having some extra money around! Its been a tough one but well worth it!!

    Hope everyone is well and happy

  10. #28
    kerry Guest

    Dee - Congratulations on finalising custody issues with your X. I hope his gf grows up a bit and realises that you and Ashlea are no threat to her. Its just so silly really the way she behaves (have read some BooHoo posts) especially when she involves Ashlea. Some women are such cows. I think your X is silly for resorting to a lawyer but hey its his money and you still got what you wanted so he is a looser twice over, well thrice if you count the gf.

    Kellie - You are raising one hell of a fantastic little lady, she even has people she has never met wrapped around her little finger, what a star. I hope you are on the mend from the flu soon. Touch wood I'm not in for a visit from that lurgy as everyone around me seems to have it or have just recovered from it.

    I found the perfect little unit last night and have put in an application for it. I haven't mentioned the belly bulge to the agents and feel a bit bad about this. I really hope I get it though as it is just too good to be true. Oh well should know for sure in a few days.

  11. #29
    kerry Guest

    kellie - hope you are feeling better today, not necessarily back at work but at least on the mend. (I was going to say 'not necessarily back on the job' but realised that sounded very wrong, but funny none the less)

  12. #30
    kerry Guest

    Yay for me... I got the unit.

  13. #31
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Aug 2003

    Kerry, fantastic to hear about the unit!! Woohoo!!

  14. #32
    kerry Guest

    Hi Dee, hope you and Ashlea are well.

    Kellie - Hope you had an easy work free arvo yesterday even if you were stuck at work.

    Wishing you all a great weekend.

    I have yet another full agender (I really have to cut down on the too busy to rest weekend thing soon). Tomorrow I pick up my ebay rocking chair in the morning, sign the lease and pay bond etc then in the afternoon I am fabric shopping with the X's SM (although I am fairly sure she is about to becomne his XSM as her and the FIL are having bad times, this is not good as she is the nicest person in his family). Sunday is a bbq at a friends which will end up running all day and into teh early night.

    Ok off to work.

  15. #33
    EarthMama Guest

    Greetings All

    Thought I'd share my story and see if anyone here is able to suggest any advise or thoughts.

    I've just discovered I'm 4 weeks pregnant...so I am to be a single mum, I think.

    The father is a beautiful man, but a young man, 4 years younger than me, 23 years old to be precise! He's a very good friend, and someone I have loved deeply this year...and we were only together a few times, and that was it. We're still very close friends.

    I only just got the news, and haven't told him yet. Sure, a huge part of me can only dream that he will choose to be with us both...but I am 100% ready to have this child, and know I can give the little one everything they need, I'm very independent and self sufficient, always have been that way.

    I'll be doing this alone if I have to, but I won't really be alone, I've got wonderful support around me from friends and family. Lucky me!

    This will be such a beautiful baby. I'm very excited!!! There's a bit of confusion inside in regard to it all, especially the father's role in regard to me and the baby...but above all, I'm flying inside at the concept.

    Good on all you single mums out there, go girls!!! Women DO NOT need to be in a relationship to be a fantastic mother!


  16. #34
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Nov 2003
    Kilmore Vic

    Earthmama firstly congrats on your pg and also on your wonderful attitude. I wish you well with your future. I hope that you find happiness with or without your babies father. I guess you need to give him the opportunity to decide what he would like his role to be in the babies life and then you can decide where to go in that respect. My bf (now DH) was 19 as was I when I got pg and he knew that regardless of his decision I was going to have our baby. I didn't put pressure on him to stay because of the baby and I think that made him able to decide what he wanted in life. We are now 11 yrs down the track with 4 kids and a house and are married. Either way though I would have cherished my baby and gave them everything I could just as I know you will.

    Good luck

  17. #35

    Nov 2004

    just a quick update to my post on july 4... i am once againa single parent, put a complaint into the police after i was strangled to within an inch of my life. as well as that i suffered very slight bruising, and a dislocated kneecap. i wish i could escape this place for a while, just travel abit. thinking of chucking in my job and driving to eastern aust, there seems to be so many more of you over there! but XH wouldn't let me leave the state with the only thing he gives a toss about, declan. so im stuck, alone, and sooooo depressed. i cant even find a place to live. life sucks.

  18. #36
    kerry Guest

    Simone - you need to get a restraining order or aprehended violence order or whatever it is called against the XH. If you have one and he breeches it then you do not need his permission to leave the state with Declan. Also (have read your punhing bag post) I would be heading back to the poilce, and demanding to speak to someone else. I would be seeing my doctor for a report to.
    Scratches show instently (and bravo there babe) but bruising takes a while. Get photos, get medial reports, note swelling (ie your knee).

    Have Xanders tantrums improved?... do you think the home situation has made them worse?

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