So... have you talked about it with your kids?

**Footsteps** · November 27th, 2009, 07:52 AM

i havent got children yet leash but quite a few of my family are in same sex relationships so all us have been brought up knowing that its perfectly normal and to me. i think as long as two people love and care about each other nothing else should matter. xox

**AnyDream** · November 27th, 2009, 08:04 AM

Yep, we've been talking about it for years. It came up again during primary school a couple of years back when DD started to hear other kids saying "how gay" (by way of a put down re something that's weak or lame)

. I explained how offensive that is, because gayness is just as important as any other sort of love, the more ppl in the world who love each other just the way they are is a good thing. I compared it to when a boy says to another boy "you (run) like a girl' - which is actually more of a put down for girls that it is for the boy, she understood it in personal terms then. She has since joined in with explaining to another visiting friend why we don't say 'how gay' - so I guess it's embedded at a pretty core layer.

**Party-of-five** · November 27th, 2009, 08:04 AM

i've tried my best to explain to DS about same sex relationships he was very surprised and couldnt understand why its seen as ok for boys and girls to get married but its not the same for boys and boys and girls and girls kwim.
DS has never been around any one thats gay and its not something that is really talked about in our family

After i had the talk with DS a not very open minded DH said to me "What do you want him to be gay" I just wanted him to understand that if he or anyone else is its ok.
Its hard to teach kids about something that lots of ppl still have issues with.

**New Dawn** · November 27th, 2009, 08:04 AM

yep I slip it in every now and then, but been married to a typical aussie bloke I dont normally talk much about it when he is home... its not that in homophobic ( sp?) its just that he know as I do in the back of our mind that DS could very well be Gay, this is just something I have a " feeling " about for quite sometime now, just little things he has said, I was actully going to pm and ask you about it, like what age you knew and stuff, coz Ds is 9 so I think he might be starting to work things out is he is, and I dont want him to think its a bad thing... BHL just think if we talk about it, then I am putting ideas into his head lol like I said typical male...

Anyway I have told both Ds and DD1 that sometimes its a mum and a mum or a dad and a dad who marry and have kids, ( well I hope by the time they are grown they will be able to marry ) not always a mum and a dad... Ds was very thoughtful DD ( who was 5 at the time ) just said I going to marry a Girl coz boy are yukky lol a year latter she has already had 2 boyfriends so I guess she doesnt think they are so yukky anymore lol..

Ds I am just not sure, but like I said it would shock anyone, if he does turn out gay...

**Spring Angel** · November 27th, 2009, 08:09 AM

When the time comes I'll have no worries whatsoever explaining the different types of families to DS. Just like we use the words penis and vagina (not made up pretty ones) we will talk about hetero and homosexual couples (not just the nuclear family). I'll explain to DS that love comes in many forms. I won't be making a big deal about it because as you say, it isn't a big deal.

**Lisa** · November 27th, 2009, 08:11 AM

Yes, I have discussed it with my children (well, the older 2 that are old enough to understand) actually, my kids think it is disgusting that same sex couples aren't allowed to marry!
I have good friends of mine that are in a same sex relationship and I also have my cousin who has been in a relationship with his partner now for a number of years. I am so happy that my kids don't see them in their relationships as being anything other than normal... I think it is disgusting that my eldest son has had to defend our friends and family to wrongly opinionated kids. It makes you wonder what they've learned from their parents and sad for all involved.

**indie24** · November 27th, 2009, 08:30 AM

I have talked about it in basic terms for DD who is only one. We were looking in a magazine and pointing out pictures. There was one of a same sex couple with a child. Basically I said "That baby has 2 mummies. How lucky is she?"
I have a very good friend who is gay and we spend a lot of time with him. So am pretty sure DD will be educated about it all

***TripleJ*** · November 27th, 2009, 08:48 AM

DS is very young so i obviously cant tell him about it now
but i do know that he will be told about it later on the only problem is he probably wont understand coz where i live there arent really any same sex couples or parents so when he sees it he might not get it even if i explain it to him KWIM?

**briggsy's girl** · November 27th, 2009, 08:51 AM

I think it is disgusting that my eldest son has had to defend our friends and family to wrongly opinionated kids. It makes you wonder what they've learned from their parents and sad for all involved.

possibly a similar upbringing to what we had (and possibly the reason my bro still struggles with his homophobia) - my dad is very racist (and thinks his comments are funny) - but only against certain groups. he is also very opinionated about homosexuals and thinks it's hilarious to tell my lesbian cousins jokes that are just wrong (but becuase they're gay and they're about gay women, they must like it wtf?). he shows them respect and truly loves them cos of who they are, but that's a unique situation - if he were to see a couple holding hands in the street he'd snigger

as a child from that sort of upbringing, it makes it damn hard to NOT let that stuff stick. thankfully, we started having a lot of contact with h and j when i was maybe 12 i think - so it was at a point where i was young enough to form my own opinions on their relationship - but old enough to know that dad was saying the wrong thing. my bro was a couple of years older, and a lot of what dad had said had rubbed off on him and he still struggles. he isn't negative towards people - he just isn't comfortable, esp with PDA's lol as a teen though, he was one of those kids making the nasty comments cos he didn't know any better

**Daydream Believer** · November 27th, 2009, 09:30 AM

We have a few gay &/or bi friends so it's something that is openly discussed in our house

Leash, do you know of any picture books with same-sex parents in it? I haven't been able to find any at bookshops & would like to get some for DD

**~Kim~** · November 27th, 2009, 09:35 AM

One of D's godparents is her 'fairy godfather' (lol his words not ours), and he and his partner have been together since well before she came along. We talk about different families sometimes and I'm glad to see that at the tender age of 3, she's cool with different families.
We also have friends in same sex relationships who have kids (separate and together), so I guess for my kids it's not something that is seen as too 'out there'. I make sure we get books and stuff to reflect all situations - just to normalise.
DH finds it all a bit confronting, but since his best mate came out, he's getting better at either changing the way he thinks/or keeping it to himself. He's acutely aware of not biasing the kids. I'm quite proud of him actually. When my nephew was born, he loved to play with dolls, so I was going to get him one for his birthday. BIL said outright - my son is not having dolls, he's not gay. Idiot.
The other day DH asked me if I was going to get our little guy a doll for christmas as he just loves dragging D's around and giving them bottles. Once upon a time he would have had the same reaction as BIL.

**Indadhanu** · November 27th, 2009, 09:46 AM

You guys are fantastic!

Hi Daydream,
I sell a few (and can get a lot more in if you have a specific title, just let me know), and theres a BIG GLBT book store called Hares and Hyenas in Fitzroy, Vic (they are also online, google the name, the kids books are in the "Parenting" and the older kids/teens book are in the "Youth" section. They have ages on most of the young kids books so you know what age they are aimed at

).

**aussienic** · November 27th, 2009, 10:56 AM

My bestest friend in the whole wide world is Gay.. He and his Partner are my DS2 and 3 Godfathers (or Fairy Godmothers as we like to say) ( no offence intended there its just the way we are with them. We call them aunty so and Aunty So and they call us the nasty breeders)

I have talked to my children very openly about this as I don't want them to think it is anything out of the ordinary as I sure don't think like this. I used to but not anymore

My eldest asked me why Aunty S was living with such and such.. So I explained it just like I would explain a man/woman relationship. I don't even act like it is anything special KWIM??

I hope I explained myself clearly then

**Freya** · November 27th, 2009, 11:17 AM

Great timing for this thread Leasha, I actually just had this conversation with Ds1 the other day after he brought up the topic of different types of families (I think they were talking about it at kindy). Unfortunately exDh is a bit homophobic (

) so Ive had to pull him up on some silly comments he's made infront of J because he's old enough to take things like that in now, so I was going to have a chat with him about it all soon anyway.

I explained to him that girls & boys can fall in love, but sometimes so can boy/boy or girl/girl. That everyone should grow up and fall in love with someone who makes their heart happy. I also explained that just like mummies and daddies having separate houses like his dad and I do, and mums dads and kids living together; some kids have two mummies or two daddies in their house. He thought the idea of two mummies was awesome, but he also asked if everyone could have two mummies AND two daddies cause that would be 'the coolest ever'

**Indadhanu** · November 27th, 2009, 11:30 AM

Hehehehehe, we have some friends who call themselves her "Fairy Godfathers"

I cracked up when they said OMG I spent a good 10 minutes in stitches. So no offence here

lol!

**~breeze~** · November 27th, 2009, 11:39 AM

funny this thread is here today. I actually spoke to DD about it last night. She is another child obsessed with "being married".

She said "Mummy, will you marry me?"
I laughed & said "no, sweety, I'm your mummy, we cant get married"
She said "ooooh, because we're 2 girls"
I said "No, because I'm your mummy. 2 girls can get married if they love each other, but you cant marry family"

LOL she doesnt understand that getting married to someone involves a different kind of love that a daughter feels for her mother. It is sweet that she asks me though

I have always explained to her that people come in many different colours, shapes etc. We have a friend (he's 13yrs old now) & he has a deformed face, is blind & deaf. I like the fact that she knows "thats ok" because we're all different from each other, there's no "normal" as such.

Great thread Leasha!!!

**Indadhanu** · November 27th, 2009, 11:44 AM

I just want to reach in and hug each and every one of you

you seriously make my heart sing reading all this. You're all changing the world you know, one little person at a time... never underestimate the power of educating a child xxx

"When you teach a child, you touch the future". Thank you all

rhyb · November 27th, 2009, 11:52 AM

DS has been exposed to the conversation many a time but lets be honest, it aint sticking

Most people assume myself and my best friend Hollie are partners as were both so hands on with one anothers kids when were out and about, and even had an old lady scold us for bringing kids into 'that kind of family'

(we had J (3), S and A (2) and my DS with us and this was recently so I was sporting the baby belly). Hollie quite loudly announced to the kids that love is what a family is all about and if 2 people love one another and want a family together, mean comments just make others look silly. I was very proud as I want my son to see GLBT parents/families as just another option of a family not a 'freakshow' like some people make it out to be.
On the upside he sees it alot as I have many GLBT friends and have never told them to hide this fact from my kids.

thread: So... have you talked about it with your kids?

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