So... have you talked about it with your kids?

[*EJ*]

Growing up i never really had anything like this explained to me by my parents, i just figured it out along the way. I still remember when i found out what 'gay' was. My cousins were laughing at me because i didn't know what it was and i said... 'doesn't it mean you are happy??' I can't remember how old i was but i would say older than 10. Even though it was never fully explained to me it was never looked down upon either. Just not discussed.

Reading your post has made me realise that it is important to discuss this with my children in a relaxed manner so when my children do come across a friend who is gay, has same sex paresnts (all of the varying relationships there are) he will understand straight away and it will not be such an unknown as it was for me.

I am one of the ones who has not thought of discussing it with my child yet but they are still too young. I thank you for bringing such a thing to my attention and i will do my best to make a point of ensuring my children are aware of all the diverstiy in the world and to accept each and every person the way they are.

[Gigi]

Daydream believer, there's a great series of books by TOdd Parr, google that name and you'll find heaps of titles. Very colourful illustrations, naive art drawings, great to look at, easy to understand for the very young too.

One of the titles is "families" - great for showing your child ALL sorts of families.

the message in these books is basically "everyone is different in SOME way, and that's fine".

Leesha, bilby knows a two mummy family, it's normal to her. She hears me and her dad talking in positive ways about that family, so has no reason (from us) to be homophobic. I'm sure once she goes to school and hears lots of other views, we'll have conversations about ethics, fairness etc. i grew up in a family where all the adults verbally slagged off anyone who was different to them.

[Laranna]

I haven't actually specifically said anything to DS mainly because I haven't felt the need to. SIL is in a same-sex relationship with two beautiful children of their own and it's the NORM for us. I don't even think of them as 'gay'. To me they are just like any other couple so I don't make a big deal of it kwim...so I don't imagine DS would think any different.

[fionas]

DD is a bit young yet but yes, I'll be having the conversation with her when she's a bit older and asks.

Her guardians (if anything happens to DP and I) are my XSIL (long story) and her girlfriend. We don't see them very often right now as they're working on the mines but when they move back to Melbourne and we see them more often, that will be the perfect time I imagine.

[Inanna]

I don't think this is something you "have the talk" about. It's just part of life yeah?
My kids are fully aware and always have been. My exh is a homophobe - and interestingly timing wise came home on Wednesday night telling me Dad said I'm gonna be gay if I keep sleeping in your bed with you and Immy".... Yep that's how it happens...

I am interested to know Shel why you thought that parents don't talk to their kids about this? My DD7's teacher is homosexual. Gorgeous gorgeous woman who the kids and parents alike love to bits. The kids all know she is in a relationship with another woman... It's just the way it is. I have not heard one person be it child or adult do anything but take it on board the same way as the knowledge she was in a relationship with a man...

I have to say I think in the community I live in homophobia is just not a cool thing. Just as racisim or vandalisim or sexisim isn't cool.

I believe that we have a sacred role to model the oposite of the "isms" above to our kids and to the wider community.

My son has a friend (who is a challenge to me ) who talks about " that just looks gay"... I say really "you sound like an unkind and intolerant person"... Whats that? Someone who doesn't accept that we all are different, with different thoughts, likes, beliefs and loves. No - one is better or worse just different... *boy makes a grunt* - but slowly I think I am chipping away at him...!

He has a father that is a fairly basic human with very sexist, racist and homophobic views. I hope that I and my children can model how unacceptable that behaviour is...

[Indadhanu]

Inanna ... we have some 'friends' who haven't talked to their kids, and asked us not to either as they prefer not to talk about "that kind of thing". This is THREE seperate couples who have actually said this to us over the course of 15 months. And couples who actually ask us not to act like a couple (now, PDA I understand to a point, but it goes much deeper than that since they don't ask straight couples not to act like a couple etc), and one who kept calling Shel "Aunty Shel" when referring to her relationship with Jazz, despite repeatedly saying "no, Shel is mummy"... I know, its not much, but its enough for us to wonder how many people just ignore the subject. Not many on BB I think but I couldn't help but ask.

I think its harder to see that there are people who don't talk about it, if you're a person who does talk about it with your kids. There ARE people who prefer not to have to face it. As much as we'd like to not be around them, its reality in our community, I just thought maybe this thread could reach some people who think it's 'too hard' and get them to think about it more.

ETA: oh yeah, and by talk I just meant 'mention in passing, like I said, not make it a big deal, but at least mention it as many just don't even acknowledge that sane-sex parented families exist, and thats disappointing and frustrating for me.

[C~Q]

My kids have always been aware having lots of friends in same sex relationships. Earlier this year my best friend (C) who is gay came to live with us and his boyfriend would stay the night 3-4 times a week. His boyfriend (M) is Bi and would often talk about xgirlfriends and I could see the kids, esp the elder 2, taking it all in.

Then when C moved out my girlfriend L moved in, L had always been straight but just after moving in met T who is a lesbian and they started a relationship and T was over and staying the night a lot.

A couple of weeks ago DS came up to me and said "So C is with M but M also likes girls, and L is with T but she also likes boys..." I said "yep that's about the size of it" and he said "sheesh who cares, what does it matter if they all love each other".

Yay!

[Rouge]

Leasha that's disgusting about your "friends".

We don't have "talks" its normal to us, one thing a good friend of mine said to me about being gay is why do we need to make a big deal about it... in doing that you're causing as much fuss as ignorance. Which makes sense really. My DD has books with same sex couples, and we've discussed it but I don't harp on about it if that makes sense.

[Indadhanu]

Yes, we don't see those 'friends', if we do its here, so our house, our rules But still, knowing they 'exist' is hard kwim.
I guess I underestimated BB, or maybe I just needed to see that there ARE good parents out there

[kirsty_lee]

Yes, we don't see those 'friends', if we do its here, so our house, our rules But still, knowing they 'exist' is hard kwim.
I guess I underestimated BB, or maybe I just needed to see that there ARE good parents out there

I am sorry but this has been naggin at me since I read it, so I have to ask. Does that mean that your not a good parent if you don't talk about people being gay?

[~clover~]

It always feels better to know people out there support you Leash. Even if it is only online.

My parents never went out of their way to put anyone different down, just made it obvious that it wasn't seen as normal. Mixed race relationship might be what ever for anyone else, but I don't think it is ok for us. My SIL is Maori & mum & dad hated it at first. I was really disappointed. How immature & nasty they were. Dad's mates in front of SiL, mum hoping they wouldn't last & always saying it to me. I still can't believe it.
They were together 8 months & engaged when my brother rang my dad & told him SIL had a 2 year old daughter.

Thats how my parents are. DH was white trash coz his parents chose to live in a small town with no cops. It was so they could be druggo's, not coz its a small community MIL grew up in & full of people who give a crap! I can imagine what they thought when we moved there. & when we buy its going to be there!

Some people are just so...sad. But then there is alot more of all of it around now than there was. It is more normal now, so I can't really blame them. Well I try not too...

[Indadhanu]

Kirsty Lee, I mean teaching kids about diversity, tolerance and respect, be it race, religion, disability, or sexuality etc.
But yes, I'll stand up and say that *I* believe anyone who doesn't teach their kids about diversity and differences, and respecting and celebrating diversity/differences, is not a very good parent. For me, thats something that is important to do when you raise children. Of course, thats just my opinon on parenting, and I'm sure there may very well be a few people who disagree.

[briggsy's girl]

Kirsty Lee, I mean teaching kids about diversity, tolerance and respect, be it race, religion, disability, or sexuality etc.
But yes, I'll stand up and say that *I* believe anyone who doesn't teach their kids about diversity and differences, and respecting and celebrating diversity/differences, is not a very good parent. For me, thats something that is important to do when you raise children. Of course, thats just my opinon on parenting, and I'm sure there may very well be a few people who disagree.

i think this is a really important thing - the topic has come up based on sexuality because this is the aspect of tolerance (or lack of) that most impacts Leash - but i think the main thing is to be able to teach your children that different doesn't mean bad. respecting people is one of the most important things you can teach your children (IMO).

you may choose not to discuss same sex families - and that's fine as it's a parents choice - but i think most people i've come across on BB would try to ensure their children understood differences aren't a bad thing

hmmmm "normal" is such a relative term

[Junglemum]

Just part of life in our house too.

Speaking of books about diversity, i recently got a book called ten little fingers, it is the most divine childrens book. I love it. It's not about sexuality though, more about race.

[Daydream Believer]

Just part of life in our house too.

Speaking of books about diversity, i recently got a book called ten little fingers, it is the most divine childrens book. I love it. It's not about sexuality though, more about race.

We have that in a board book & its just about falling to bits because DD loves it

[Inanna]

We too! We have another called "around the world" and it takes you on a trip around the world and says we all bleed the same colour etc etc... It's absolutely gorgeous and beautifully illustrated. I know that again it's about diversity of race - but it's a similar vein to BG very eloquent post.

I don't like the terms "good" and "bad" much! However I "heard" what Leash was saying. I do think that balanced and informed parents teach about acceptance of diversity - weather that is sexual, racial, gender etc etc... I believe that's what Leash was saying.

[~Saram~]

We have mentioned it a few times when it comes up - all families are different these days so it's just another mix like some families don't have a dad or a mum for one reason or another. And yes there are quite a few books out there that we have seen that have two mums or two dads in a same sex relationship at the library. One of my cousins is also in a same sex relationship with 2 daughters so I guess our family has some background there - but it's also a downside as the other members of the family are quite stupid about it.

I think these days it is less of a stigma than say 10 years ago but you're right in that there will probably be issues that arise more in middle primary - younger kids are a lot more accepting ofthe situation so if DD stays at the same school she may never get that reaction.

[paradise lost]

My DD is another who is going to marry me, her dada and her stepdada when she grows up, and also a bunch of friends we know. I can kind of remember during one conversation she said "will i be able to marry a man, or a lady" and i said "either sweetie, but it has to be someone you love". It's not really a big deal in our house, as we know plenty of gay people and couples.

Our lesbian friend's DD (4) met us all out in the street a few weeks ago and saw me an DP holding hands. She sid to her mums "Aunty B is holding Uncle G's hand!" and one of her mums said "Yes, they love each other like mama and mummy" and she turned and said to me "You kiss a BOY!? EWWWW!". We were in tears with giggling, so so cute. Her mum then had the other "talk" (about how sometimes a man and a lady love each other and get together as a couple).

Bx