Thank you all for your replies. It is a long story and there is some more background to the whole siuation (I didn't want to write too much before). I just want to do the best thing for DSS and I find that DP judgement can be a little clouded by his ex-wife and what happended between them and being a man he does a great job at being a dad but at the same time he is not very maternal and nuturing. It has taken me awhile to bond and be maternal with DSS but its not the same which makes me sad sometimes.

My DP must have been with his ex-wife for around 1 year after DSS was born then they spilt. After court case finished DP only received visitation while ex-wife had full custody. DP moved in with his sister and husband for around 3 years. Then DP and I moved in together until now which has been 2 1/2years. DSS lives with his mum and lives with us every 2nd weekend, sometimes visits on Tuesday nights, and has a week in school holidays. DSS calls his birth mother mum.

I have told DP clearly what I think about the whole situation and when it upsets me he lets me vent my frustrations at him. He wont say anything back to me, which is what we agreed to do, because once I have had a winge I feel better.

We found out that he also calls his grandpa dad and I know that my DP does not like that. DSS does that possibly because his little sister's father is not in the picture at all and calls the grandpa dad. I had pointed out a similar siuation to DP once when we wehre discussing the whole thing. I asked him how he would feel if DSS called the ex-wife's new partner dad or how he calls grandpa dad, at least it kept DP thinking about it.

When DP, DSS and I have been on outings together, often a stranger will say to DSS a comment like "Go and ask your mum 1st" or "are you having fun with your mum", and DSS pipes up "thats not my mum". That kind of hurts me a little bit.

When he does talk about his aunty around DP and I DSS will call her aunty, but when we are in a family siuation and he is trying to get her attention he will call out mummy. Although I did notice on Friday night DSS call his aunty by her 1st name. The sister will not say anything to DSS about calling her mummy. DSS made the comment to DP the other day that aunty had asked DSS to call her mummy. DSS then asked DP if he had two mummies and he had agreed.

I thought about the step-mum thing and it just sounds weird. He calls me by my name which is fine by me. It broke my heart when he asked me if he could call me mummy to me that meant that he thinks alot of me.

I am interested to know what DSS birth thinks of this as now she has a new partner and I am curious to see if DSS calls him dad. It is all very confusing its like poor DSS has to remember one thing at mums house and then another at dads house and then he cant speak of either. I should have asked her last night as DSS had his end of year school concert and I has a few moments with her. Anyway there will be another time and I might ask her if DSS has been asking why his has 2 mums. What is it going to be like when DP and I have our own child (fingers crossed for next year)? Our child will be calling me mum and DSS by my name, how does that effect our family?

Maybe it is just best to let it sought itself out and he will realise who is who in due course. I believe DSS knows who is who and yes DSS is trying to fit in as the whole situation is frustrating for him. I think that it might be a bit of a habit for him as well. Unless I have the courage to say to the sister for her to remind DSS to call her aunty they I will not say anything and let things run their own course. What do you think if I said to DSS that he can call me mum instead of calling his aunty mum? I think I would feel a bit guilty and manipulative about that and I am not really sure if I feel comfortable about DSS calling me mum.