Step-parenting General Chatter

[saslia]

Another Step mum here

I have 3 step kids Georgia who is nearly 13 and Bonnie and Noah are 10 1/2.

Georgia lives with us and the other 2 with their Mum and we have them every 2nd weekend and half of the holidays.

Stewart and I got together just before the twins turned 1. We now have our 2 gorgeous munchkins Sascha who is 7 and Liam nearly 1.

[~ Mylitta ~]

Hi my name is Krystie and I have two stepsons. Jesse is 11 and James is 8. My DH and I got married in March, and have been together for over 4 years. The boys spend about 1/3 of the time with us at the moment, but we are currently in discussions about Jesse coming to live with us next year when he goes to high school (he actually brought it up with his mum a couple of days ago!). We would love it if he comes to live with us We're working on a schedule which would still allow the boys to be spending 4/7 nights together though.

I'm very lucky because both the boys are very close to me, and I also love them dearly. I was amazed when I realised that I have been a part of James' life for over half of his life now!

We are currently TTC (unfortunately lost our fist angel recently), aand I can't wait to give them a little sister or brother.

[Amity]

Wow there are a few of us!

I'm in a weird situation - I'm a former stepmum lol! My XH has a 16 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I'm taking her to Queensland next week for a 5 day holiday with the boys and I. She keeps in contact with me rather than her father, for various reasons.

She still considers me her stepmum and I still say she's my stepdaughter, we just don't talk about my (lack of) relationship with her Father!

[Krizzy]

Well I have 2 x step-kids that live with my partner & I permanently... We've had Kyle (10yrs) for about 3yrs & Cassie (13yrs) has only recently moved over about 3-4mnths ago!

I couldn't imagine my life without them now, especially the youngest, he has become my whole life but that doesn?t help the fact that everyday is a challenge? I don?t have that maternal instinct as we don?t have our own kids just yet & I struggle with handling different situations when they arise? My partner is 9yrs older than me & I am only 24yrs old so I?m learning more about this parenting thing everyday with each new situation? It really is the hardest thing I?ve ever done in my life but with each challenge is a lesson learnt & I remind myself of this every time it gets a bit much!

Their mum lives overseas & she doesn?t make much effort to see/talk to the kids which I think is the saddest part... :-( When my step-son moved over he hadn?t had much schooling & was about 3-4yrs below his peers (no joke) - we got him a private tutor about 2yrs ago & with a lot of help & persistence @ home aswell, he is now right up there with his mates!! Watching this happen has made this journey all worth it for me? There is nothing better than watching a young child?s confidence start to climb & to see the look on his face when you tell him you?re proud of him when he comes home with awards from school? I feel sad for them that their mum doesn?t make enough effort but I feel happy for me when they go to bed at night & tell me they love me - their mum doesn?t know what she?s missing out on?

Anyway I better go before I write my whole life story but it somehow makes it easier knowing that there are many more of us out there coz there?s times where you feel like the only one. Thankyou everyone for sharing your stories!!!!!

[mustangsachy]

hi everyone - not much action in here lately.

name: mustangsachy
state: SA
DP + 2 Stepsons, Liam 12 & Kieran 10.

we see them every fortnight weekend and try and have them as much as we can during hols - partner works 6 day weeks plus doesn't get holidays much due to type of work but we try. certainly been a learning curve becoming a 'step parent'. i find it difficult to ascertain boundaries. i.e. have put foot down on kids 'can't do that' and DP's ex partner phoned a few days later having a go (so much so that DP and i almost broke up), then a few weeks ago boys misbehaving (i home alone with them) so told DP, he told them off when got home and was decided with my BP problem ... from now on they come on Sat, not fri night otherwise they home alone with me. she phoned again having massive spew and that it's ok if i discipline them... WTF ... i don't understand.!

anyway i love my step kids and think they will be so fabulous with their bro/ sister.

[saslia]

she phoned again having massive spew and that it's ok if i discipline them... WTF ... i don't understand.!

Be prepared for more of that!!! We had "she is not touching MY children" to change nappies, bath, dress etc, "she is not driving MY children around" but her ALCOHOLIC DRUG TAKING boyfriend could.

It took quite a lot of DH telling her "They are also MY children and I will make decisions about when they are with me!!"

She then has had phases of being thankful I am there to "help" with her children and now after 10 years despising me more than ever. She was having a go to DH about me and she asked "Well I suppose you think she is a better mother than me" And DH responded with "yes"

Just learn to stand your ground and also make sure DP stands up for you.....It has taken DH a while to develop that though!!!

Best of luck!

[mustangsachy]

Hi saslia

oh - we had that at the start - no WAY was I allowed within an inch of them when we were first together... it took about 6 mths before i met the kids and because of what she was saying at home the kids acted up BIG TIME in a bid to break us up - they actually told DP that's what they were doing (he didn't tell me until way afterwards as he didn't want to hurt my feelings) ...

now they realise i'm not wicked, or mean, or mean to their dad (we hardly ever argue - and i have a rule of not in front of kids) they love me. so now she says things like 'oh darls i'm so glad you're in their life, they've changed for the better' ... but then her actions are conflicting. it's very confusing. not to mention stressful.

my saving grace is wonderful DP and his kids are great.... i don't really care what happens to her LOL.

Saslia - thats so cool your DP said yes to you being a better mother - 1. Prob true 2. would have loved to have seen her face - she wouldn't have expected it! LOL