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Thread: Step-parenting General Chatter

  1. #1

    Join Date
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    Default Step-parenting General Chatter

    I've noticed more step-parents around of late and I guess it's going to be more common with the times so here's a thread of your very own! Feel free to discuss any challenges and triumphs, ups and downs.



    If you would like to have your details included at the start of this page, please post your username, state and how many step-children you have, with their ages and anything else you want to include. Enjoy!
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

  2. #2

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    kelly2202
    WA
    I have two step DD's - Sian 11 and Bree (Brianna) 8.

    Just wanted to say Hi and let others know that I am here but find it difficult to find time to post LOL!

    I have met Sian and Bree once since I have been with Ryan. They live in Queensland with their Mum and we flew to Queensland a couple of years ago (before Asha) to spend 2 weeks with them. That is also the only time Ryan has seen the girls since I have known him (6yrs). He did try to get to see the girls a while ago but he was on the last Ansett flight from Perth to Sydney. When he got to Sydeny Qantas told him he could get a return flight that day or he would have to pay $$$ to organise ongoing flights. Sadly he had to return that day ... we didn't have the money to get him there.

    There is lots more that goes with this story but I am going to leave it there for now ... we have a rather complex family!!

    Looking forward to getting to know other step parents.

    Cheers

  3. #3

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    Wow no one else wants to chat ... our families are such a unique experience and one that can be discussed by others but can really only be understood by people who have been there ...

    I thought there would be plenty of people in here chatting away!

    Cheers

  4. #4

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    Wow, I just found this thread, thankyou Kelly this is a great idea

    Username: deejoy17
    State: NSW
    Stepchildren: Michael 13 and Alister 12
    Have been in the boys lives since they were 8 and 9

    Kelly I find that very sad that your DH has only seen the girls once in 6 years. I bet he misses them.

    I`m in a different situation we have the boys every second weekend from School Friday afternoon till school time Monday morning then we have them half of the school holidays, they are currently with us atm.

    Take Care

    Dee

  5. #5

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    Dee

    He misses them like crazy but we can't afford to all fly over. Work has also prevented him from flying over to see the girls. We have offered to pay for the girls to fly to Perth so that they can see their Grandparents (who have never met Bree IRL) but his XW won't allow it. As soon as we have some money saved up I will be organising for him to fly over to see the girls, but he has just started a new job so getting holidays maybe tricky!

    Em & Jack see their Dad ever holidays, usually a week except for June when they are supposed to go for 2 weeks and Christmas where they go for 3 weeks!

    Cheers

  6. #6

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    Kelly - Sorry for neglecting you, I forgot about this thread

    How`s everything going?

  7. #7

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    Aug 2006
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    Perth WA
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    Hi all. I have a step daughter Chloe, who is 6. I also have a daughter, Jasmyn, also 6. Both the girls live with us and they see their other parent during the week after school 2 days a week (most weeks) and every other weekend. For this year, things have been working out well with this arrangement, although with the girls doing more now with school and after school activities, it can be difficult.

    We are now expecting our first child together, and both the girls are getting very excited. They call each other sisters (not step), and DP and I are mummy and daddy, even with their good relationships with their other parents.

    I have found the blended family relationship very challenging at times, but I wouldn't change what I have. Chloe brings so much to my life, and I am very proud to be called her mummy.

    Look forward to chatting in here more! Maybe this thread should be in the larger family/blended family section? I have posted in there before.

  8. #8

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    Wow there isn't much chat in here at all! Surely i'm not the only step parent out there...
    I'm Cassie, Live in Queensland, have 2 step children Locklan 5 (lived with us for almost a year now) and Noah 3 1/2 (lived with us for 3 months)... We have custody of the boys as off a couple of weeks ago. They are with us full time and spent one weekend (from saturday morning until sunday afternoon) at their mums house.

    I must say that i have found this step to step-parenting much harder then i did becomming a mum to Izzabella. But i wouldn't have it any other way i love the boys so much and glad they are apart of my life.

  9. #9

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    Nov 2004
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    Another Step mum here

    I have 3 step kids Georgia who is nearly 13 and Bonnie and Noah are 10 1/2.

    Georgia lives with us and the other 2 with their Mum and we have them every 2nd weekend and half of the holidays.

    Stewart and I got together just before the twins turned 1. We now have our 2 gorgeous munchkins Sascha who is 7 and Liam nearly 1.
    Last edited by saslia; November 14th, 2008 at 01:44 PM. Reason: spelling!

  10. #10

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    Hi my name is Krystie and I have two stepsons. Jesse is 11 and James is 8. My DH and I got married in March, and have been together for over 4 years. The boys spend about 1/3 of the time with us at the moment, but we are currently in discussions about Jesse coming to live with us next year when he goes to high school (he actually brought it up with his mum a couple of days ago!). We would love it if he comes to live with us We're working on a schedule which would still allow the boys to be spending 4/7 nights together though.

    I'm very lucky because both the boys are very close to me, and I also love them dearly. I was amazed when I realised that I have been a part of James' life for over half of his life now!

    We are currently TTC (unfortunately lost our fist angel recently), aand I can't wait to give them a little sister or brother.

  11. #11

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    Wow there are a few of us!

    I'm in a weird situation - I'm a former stepmum lol! My XH has a 16 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I'm taking her to Queensland next week for a 5 day holiday with the boys and I. She keeps in contact with me rather than her father, for various reasons.

    She still considers me her stepmum and I still say she's my stepdaughter, we just don't talk about my (lack of) relationship with her Father!

  12. #12
    Krizzy Guest

    Wink Everyday is a challenge!!!

    Well I have 2 x step-kids that live with my partner & I permanently... We've had Kyle (10yrs) for about 3yrs & Cassie (13yrs) has only recently moved over about 3-4mnths ago!

    I couldn't imagine my life without them now, especially the youngest, he has become my whole life but that doesn?t help the fact that everyday is a challenge? I don?t have that maternal instinct as we don?t have our own kids just yet & I struggle with handling different situations when they arise? My partner is 9yrs older than me & I am only 24yrs old so I?m learning more about this parenting thing everyday with each new situation? It really is the hardest thing I?ve ever done in my life but with each challenge is a lesson learnt & I remind myself of this every time it gets a bit much!

    Their mum lives overseas & she doesn?t make much effort to see/talk to the kids which I think is the saddest part... :-( When my step-son moved over he hadn?t had much schooling & was about 3-4yrs below his peers (no joke) - we got him a private tutor about 2yrs ago & with a lot of help & persistence @ home aswell, he is now right up there with his mates!! Watching this happen has made this journey all worth it for me? There is nothing better than watching a young child?s confidence start to climb & to see the look on his face when you tell him you?re proud of him when he comes home with awards from school? I feel sad for them that their mum doesn?t make enough effort but I feel happy for me when they go to bed at night & tell me they love me - their mum doesn?t know what she?s missing out on?

    Anyway I better go before I write my whole life story but it somehow makes it easier knowing that there are many more of us out there coz there?s times where you feel like the only one. Thankyou everyone for sharing your stories!!!!!

  13. #13

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    hi everyone - not much action in here lately.

    name: mustangsachy
    state: SA
    DP + 2 Stepsons, Liam 12 & Kieran 10.

    we see them every fortnight weekend and try and have them as much as we can during hols - partner works 6 day weeks plus doesn't get holidays much due to type of work but we try. certainly been a learning curve becoming a 'step parent'. i find it difficult to ascertain boundaries. i.e. have put foot down on kids 'can't do that' and DP's ex partner phoned a few days later having a go (so much so that DP and i almost broke up), then a few weeks ago boys misbehaving (i home alone with them) so told DP, he told them off when got home and was decided with my BP problem ... from now on they come on Sat, not fri night otherwise they home alone with me. she phoned again having massive spew and that it's ok if i discipline them... WTF ... i don't understand.!

    anyway i love my step kids and think they will be so fabulous with their bro/ sister.

  14. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by mustangsachy View Post
    she phoned again having massive spew and that it's ok if i discipline them... WTF ... i don't understand.!
    Be prepared for more of that!!! We had "she is not touching MY children" to change nappies, bath, dress etc, "she is not driving MY children around" but her ALCOHOLIC DRUG TAKING boyfriend could.

    It took quite a lot of DH telling her "They are also MY children and I will make decisions about when they are with me!!"

    She then has had phases of being thankful I am there to "help" with her children and now after 10 years despising me more than ever. She was having a go to DH about me and she asked "Well I suppose you think she is a better mother than me" And DH responded with "yes"

    Just learn to stand your ground and also make sure DP stands up for you.....It has taken DH a while to develop that though!!!

    Best of luck!

  15. #15

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    Hi saslia

    oh - we had that at the start - no WAY was I allowed within an inch of them when we were first together... it took about 6 mths before i met the kids and because of what she was saying at home the kids acted up BIG TIME in a bid to break us up - they actually told DP that's what they were doing (he didn't tell me until way afterwards as he didn't want to hurt my feelings) ...

    now they realise i'm not wicked, or mean, or mean to their dad (we hardly ever argue - and i have a rule of not in front of kids) they love me. so now she says things like 'oh darls i'm so glad you're in their life, they've changed for the better' ... but then her actions are conflicting. it's very confusing. not to mention stressful.

    my saving grace is wonderful DP and his kids are great.... i don't really care what happens to her LOL.

    Saslia - thats so cool your DP said yes to you being a better mother - 1. Prob true 2. would have loved to have seen her face - she wouldn't have expected it! LOL

  16. #16

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    Hi guys, I thought I'd join in.

    I'm step mum to two girls and a boy - Pippi (11), Jack (8) and Nelli (6). We have the kids two days a week and they are great. I was amazed at how welcoming they were to me from word go. DH and I have been togerther 2 years and the kids accepted me right from the start. Pity about the ex though - she doesn't look at me or acknowledge I exist in any way! She actually said to the kids when we decided to get married, that the only reason we must be getting married is that I'm pregnant! (I wasn't). Luckily for us the kids can see through all the horrible things she says about us, but it's so sad that they have to. They shouldn't have to filter what they say to their mum but sadly they do as they know she will just get angry.

    But the kids are super excited about having a new sibling in a few weeks and I think it will bind us even more as family.

  17. #17

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    Nov 2008
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    How can i only have just discovered this thread!!

    Im Amy, 22 and step mum to the very gorgeous Miss K whom is now the big 5! I've been in her life since she was 3, DP and i have her every weekend from Saturday night to Monday night she cracks me up!

    Claire i know what you mean about the ex...DPs ex is the same with me, although she still tries to hit on him 2 years after we've been together silly silly woman!

    Looking forward to getting to know you ladies, its great to find people in the same situation as me as none of my friends have kids!!

    Be prepared for A LOT of venting tho as DPs Ex drives me batty with the things she comes out with!! I apologise in advance!

  18. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ammaki View Post
    How can i only have just discovered this thread!!
    I was just thinking the same thing??!!

    I'm Nicole, 27 and have been married to DH for just over 2 years and been together for just over 5 years. He has 2 gorgeous girls - Sam who is 14 and Tannah is 10. We have them on a rotating schedule working out at 7 days a fortnight.

    The girls are awesome - we have worked very hard to find a balance with their mother ( who at times is a psycotic witch ) but it's generally all veyr civil - we do Christmas breakfast at her place with the girls and we are pretty much all on the same page when it comes to raising the girls.

    Can I just ask - I have noticed lately that the youngest in particular talks about her mother ALL THE TIME!!! I am now thinking it is just a relating thing - we went to DFO yesterday and she brought her mother up a good 10-15 times... just randomly throughout the shopping centre... the only thing I think of is the fact that her mother has taken her there.

    We've actaully tried explaining to her that sometime's it's not appropriate and it makes us think that she would rather be at her mother's than with us... (can't really tell her that I'm sick of hearing about the silly woman can I??) It got to the point this morning while at Target that I just ended up walking away and leaving her with DH - I had just got off with my mum and was telling DH about the conversation... "oh, and she said to say hi" to which DSD2 turned to me and said 'why would my mum say hi to Daddy?'... I looked at DH, rolled my eyes and just walked away before I snapped at DSD2...

    Does this happen with anyone else's step kids???

    Quote Originally Posted by Ammaki View Post
    Be prepared for A LOT of venting tho as DPs Ex drives me batty with the things she comes out with!! I apologise in advance!
    Yet again Amy... I was just thinking the same thing!!!

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