she phoned again having massive spew and that it's ok if i discipline them... WTF ... i don't understand.!
Be prepared for more of that!!! We had "she is not touching MY children" to change nappies, bath, dress etc, "she is not driving MY children around" but her ALCOHOLIC DRUG TAKING boyfriend could.

It took quite a lot of DH telling her "They are also MY children and I will make decisions about when they are with me!!"

She then has had phases of being thankful I am there to "help" with her children and now after 10 years despising me more than ever. She was having a go to DH about me and she asked "Well I suppose you think she is a better mother than me" And DH responded with "yes"

Just learn to stand your ground and also make sure DP stands up for you.....It has taken DH a while to develop that though!!!

Best of luck!