I know it's very early days and things might change but I want to be able to enjoy my daughter (19 days old) without this constantly and often unexpectedly popping into my head.
My husband and I both feel like this is the end of our family, it just seems right, like everything has come full circle beginning to end.
The problem is no matter how right it feels it is tearing me apart an even getting to hubby a little. I feel like I might be addicted to being pregnant.
In the last 6yrs I've been pregnant 5 times to 6 little babies (only 3 survived), I've travelled 12hr round trips interstate to see doctors, fertility specialists. For all the anxiety and heartbreaking lows it has been my entire life for so long and let me feel such love and value.
How do you let go of that and move on to the unknown?
How do you break this "addiction" when people so close to me are pregnant?

The other thing I'm struggling with is that my SIL is pregnant pretty much the same age as I was for the first time. It's hard knowing that people will she her as the young mum that I was. But that because my first 3 babies died even though one was stillborn, people don't see that. They just see a person that chose to wait and have kids later and only has 3 kids.
I'm not even sure this makes sense, I feel like I'm going crazy and just want to make peace with this so I can properly appreciate my girls.
Any help would be most appreciated, TIA.