thread: Would you be doing the same thing or am I too harsh?

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  1. #1
    Administrator
    Add Rouge on Facebook

    Jun 2003
    Ubiquity
    9,922

    I wouldn't be tossing the dummy over this, as I think its better to give up comfort items as a "growing up stage" not as a punishment IMO. It would be like removing night time snuggles because he was naughty, quite a big punishment IMO, and one that doesn't fit the crime. I personally would go and sit with him and talk to him as Nessa suggests. Still keep doggy out of reach (on top of the fridge or something so its still visable to him). I like to these situations as an opportunity to communicate, or show them how to communicate through you explaining how you feel, and to offer an analogy he might understand. To a 26 month old a hard drive would look like a funny little box, and would be hard for them to see how it could be so important. I dunno just my thoughts.

  2. #2
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    Jun 2003
    Ubiquity
    9,922

    Ok been thinking a bit more, I can't think of a time I ever used either of my kids comfort items as a form of punishment. Have you thought of explaining to DS that what happened would be similar to you putting doggy in the toilet. Ask him if that would make him sad if doggy got all soggy and yucky from being in the toilet, and would he want you to say sorry. Also explain that even when we do something that is an accident its also nice to say sorry. I'm just worried that taking away his most precious thing without him knowing that was going to happen is like saying to him, if you destroy something of mine I'll take something of yours. I would definitely be saying he has to stay in his room until he can say sorry and talk to you about it, and I would keep going in periodically but I'm not sure I'd be keeping any comforters, and I definitely wouldn't throw away the dummy.

    I know I'm totally in the minority here, and I am not passing judgement so please don't think that. Just my thoughts...

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Sunny Qld
    14,682

    Thanks guys

    I did sit with him - all throughout the tantrums, and just kept on repeating... if you say you are sorry, you get puppy back... tipping the water over was naughty and dangerous, you could have been hurt... please say sorry to mummy .. but he just kept on screaming dogggggg... dogggg.. myyyy dogggg...

    He got over it eventually and cheered up a bit. Realised why he was so quiet - he had stolen the puppy back.. LOL... little bugger... so the screams started again.. but I never left him just scream it out (unless I was tending to her cos I'm only the one person and I comfort who I can!)

    I caved in cos he was being a little bit of a PITA when I had visitors so I gave him his dog and his dummy and he went to sleep

  4. #4
    Registered User
    Add aussienic on Facebook

    Feb 2005
    Boyne Island
    6,327

    honestly I would have given then back.. My 2 middle boys have comfort items and they are night nighta (blankets) and while I have put them up high to get them to tidy thier rooms or if they have done something super naughty I also find they get really upset and its not worth the unsettled household

    I thiknk I would have got him to mop up the water from the floor and table (if it was safe) and then continued talking about why it was naughty to tip the water out..

    While I also like kids to apoligise I think if you demand it then it isn't a proper apology cus they are just apoligising to shut you up (at least mine do lol) Maybe next time you do something make double sure you apoligise and make it known you are apoligising because you did someting wrong..

    I hope I am making sense here......

    I would ask for a apology right away but after a while its useless because I don't think at 26 months they don't get the whole thing.. After a while they do forget what they have done..

    anyways Mrs Ramble will head off now as I have a screaming child sigh

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Feb 2008
    In my own little world
    719

    Aw Mel! Unfortunately, the dummy is the only thing that works as ransom for Master K!! I can clear every single toy out of his room and he doesn't care .... he'll even sit on his bed if we put him there (sure he is nearly 3, but still!!) but as soon as it's bed time... tanties unless he has his dummy!

    Don't worry hun, I think we (as in you and me! LOL) are both as crazy and stubborn as each other!! But yeah, at that age, after a while, they have absolutely forgotten what they have done wrong!

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Jan 2006
    8,369

    I'm in a minority too in that no matter what DS does, he keeps Herr Hare. I may turn Thomas off the TV, I may tell him I'm not playing any more, I can't shut him in his room because toys are in there... but I don't take the comfort toy away. DS only needs it to sleep and I need him to sleep!

    I know it's hard when you lose your temper, but for us the punishment must fit the crime. DS doesn't destroy my favourite things nor does he hold them hostage (partly because they're hidden LOL) so I don't do the same to him. I do take away my expensive make-up and give him my old cheap stuff, but that's not really something to cry about. I tell him to stop crying, he knows the rules, no he can't have a hug until he says sorry.

    If DS destroyed a computer, he could have no electronics. Including train sets, TV, DVDs, computer games... and I'd ask Nursery to do the same. It would be a finite punishment, for 2 days maybe, but that's what happens if you break electric things.

    Having said that, I'd be insiting on not only a sorry to me but one to DH too. And warn DH first so he didn't go loopy. I'd explain why it's naughty/wrong to do that and talk about dangers.

    But that's assuming I could have kept calm! Whatever you say there's always a better way to say it and way to do it... the heat of the moment is never the time to realise that though. Sticking to your guns is always the best response though, no matter if you later relent.