Wow, just WOW

[*Sparklez*]

Well I just got off the phone to my dad and I'm in shock, I'm literally pinching myself!!
Abit of background my mum and dad split when I was 6 months old and my mum was 16 and dad 21 and I lived with my nan while my mum went and lived her teenage yrs
I had a very distant relationship with my dad somewhat bad, he came and went when ever he felt he even kidnapped me for 3 months till the courts ordered mr back to my nan
We had a huge fallout when I was 16 over my choices to be pregnant and my partner etc
I'm now 26 and last yr we found eachother after 9 yrs on fb and I have never looked back I don't hate him or even wish it was different cause I had the one person I loved my nan
So tonight my dad calls all worked up on the verge of a break down an I thought something bad straight away he kept saying I don't know how to tell you etc and he finally spat it out..
I have a sister one yr older then me!!
He had been off and on with my mum an during that time had slept with someone else and apparently that's how she came along..
I don't know how to feel I'm shocked I can't blame him he didn't know..
This girl is my sister and I feel betrayed I have never had the chance to have her in my life but I also don't want her in it neither.. I don't want the complication and the feeling of being put aside jut when I got him back myself (my dad) his shocked and doesn't know how to tell my yep mum who is the best person in the world I also have another jess who I have met who is now 21 but u haven't seen since we were 9-10
My dad keeps apologizing and saying sorry but it's not all his fault or is it? I just don't know I'm just shocked!!


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[Catastrophic]

Hugs xoxoxo


Love MN ;-)

[Purple Penguin]

Wow that's a lot to take in!

[Just Me]

That is pretty full on

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

hun, thats a lot to take in.
Whatever you decide regarding having her in your life there is no right or wrong, please just don't make any hasty decisions.
I'd suggest meeting with your dad and discussing things, by the sounds of it he's as shocked as you and might need some support.
Maybe even discuss that your worried about loosing him.

Massive i have no expertise in the area at all, just don't want you to rush anything.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

hun, thats a lot to take in.
Whatever you decide regarding having her in your life there is no right or wrong, please just don't make any hasty decisions.
I'd suggest meeting with your dad and discussing things, by the sounds of it he's as shocked as you and might need some support.
Maybe even discuss that your worried about loosing him.

Massive i have no expertise in the area at all, just don't want you to rush anything.

Exactly this.

[ubba82]

I dont think its anyones fault, or that any blame be placed. Your sister has only just found out about you too - there will be feelings of all sorts but iys not like either of you had a say in the matter, so i wouldnt hold anything against her, you know.
I think you just need to take it slowly, you never know, she could be the bestie you never had xxx

[*Sparklez*]

thanks ladies i really appreciate everything.. any advise even support..

the more i think about it the more i am getting angrier and upset.. i feel like i have to tell my mum and i feel like ive been burdened with my dads problems... and i know thats wrong.. i feel like he told me in case i find out and to obe the one who told me so i dont get angry..
but i am angry and i have to tell my mum cause if sdhe finds out and knows i knew and kept it quiet it will make our already strained relationship worse..
i just dont know.. i feel so sick like ive been punched..
but shouldnt i feel happy??

[Glamoreyez]

I think you will go through a whole range of feelings. It's a situation that's going to shake everyone up.
I would suggest not making any decision till you have worked through the stages...
My mum just recently found out she has a younger sister that she never knew about. It took a while but they now keep in touch and are working on a healthy relationship...

[*Sparklez*]

berry i think you are right, right now im upset and not angry but then i feel the anger creeping up..
im not going to rush into anything and i think my dad is literally sorry but it doesnt change the fact that my whole life has changed and that the storm is yet to come,
apparently my cousins all went and looked her up on fb and she looks just like me... crazy huh...
i was telling my dad that its funny cause my whole life i used to have people asking me if so and so was my sister and id look and say huh? sorry no,, and they would say you look exactly like her, like they say you have someone identical out there etc...
now im curious as too if this is the one everyone has been asking me about..
aaahhhh i dont know i just feel like screaming and chucking a tantrum but i cant.. and i dont know why i want too i just do..
i have to talk to my dad tomorrow but im scared im going to lose it at him and i know my mum is going to be furious not only cause of the whole situation but that its now going to effect me..

[Glamoreyez]

You have every right to kick, scream and throw a tanty - your whole life has been turned upside down and that's going to take some getting used to...
Just remember your dad didn't do this to you on purpose. I think he was rather brave fronting up about it (not that I profess to know him...) My grandmother kept her lips sealed. We only found out about my mums sister because mums sister got her adoption papers sent to her and she found my mum.
Also - while right now everything is up in the air, chaotic and emotional, a sibling can be an amazing gift. She might be able to give you far more than she takes from you...
Hugs...

[Taurean]

Wow! Embrace it but I understand it's so overwhemling! DH (and his two sisters) found out roughly 7 years ago that they had an older brother!

DH's mum phoned us one day and just blurted it all out - she had a child, out of wedlock, while nursing in a capital city after leaving her family home, on the farm in the country. She adopted her eldest sone out at birth but signed papers to say he could contact her if he ever wanted to. Nearing his 40th birthday, he did just that. It turned out he lived in Perth too and only a 15 minute drive form us! DH's two older sisters and his mum flew over for the big 'meet up' and boy was it amazing. He and his family are increcible, we are SO glad we met them! They are just part of our extended family now, for all of us, and as DH and I now live only 5 minutes away from them and we spend an awful lot of time with them and their extended family. They are all family to us now!

I come from a big family that is very similar to this 'new' family on DH's side. It's awesome, we have a huge extended, fun family now and we are all so much richer for it.

I know you're probably in shock right now, we remember clearly how shocked we were with the 'news' of a brother let alone actually meeting him but it was so worth it. Don't write it off just yet hon but definitely take your time

PS: and yes, he is a dead-ringer for my DH. Yes, that spooked both me and DH to the core! Oh, and another thing, they are SO similar personality wise and so are me and BIL's wife

[Taurean]

double post

[tellytubby]

Oh I agree, wow!

Totally agree with Berry, you're bound to go through a range of emotions - try not to make any decisions until you have your head wrapped firmly around things.

FWIW - I think yes, you should be excited. I know I would Congratulations! You're a little sister! hehe

[*Sparklez*]

well just an update,

after much tossing and turning and a very hard night i woke up still confused and shocked lol!!
i went and seen my dad today and checked out pics of her and my new nephews!! yeyy first nephews i have that i know about from my own bro's or sis's
omg we look the same!!! she and i are two peas in a pod!!
i nearly started crying and my dad was visibly stil shocked and understandably nervous.. he still hasnt told my step mum..
we are exactly 9 months apart soooo weird and yes i am a little sister, dad spoke to her and she is apparently over the moon when she seen pics of me and her dh cant believe how similaar we are and how we are so close in age
the hard part i toild my mum.. and she already knew?? she said she found out about her while she was pregnant with me through a letter.. and another shocker, apparently there is one more out there?? another sister?? still confused but i just dont know..
im still on the fence about it all but i guess i will have to speak to her to know how i truely feel, i still am a little hesitant but i guess thats normal..
im going to my dads tomorrow for the day and i will speak to her then.. im not sure what im expecting but i am remaining open minded about it all
thank you ladies for helping realise that its not soo bad after all even tghough i still feel that way a tad

[tellytubby]

Wow another sister out there?! Bet you're feeling relieved now you've spoken to your mum.

A lot to wrap your head around! And your very first nephews!!

How unreal that you look alike! I'm so excited for you!

Why are you feeling bad and upset about the whole thing?

[*Sparklez*]

yeah i know, my mum said this girls mums name and another lady too... she said there is definently another one too
and yes my very own nephews and they are soooo gorgeous!!!
i guess i just feel like i have missed out on things and she has too, i just feel like i have been cheated out of something that was meant to be there itms?
im angry because its unfair on what she has to go through and her's is so similar to mine that it hurts knowing the similarities we share and didnt know we shared..
i sort of didnt want it to be true so i didnt have to worry about it all and just continue with what i did know..

[tellytubby]

Ahh yes I understand.

A sister who you could have grown up with. I completely understand.
Nephews, who don't know who you are.... (yet!)

But try and look at the silver lining in the cloud.
I would rather find out now, as opposed to in another 10 years time when your nephews are well and truly grown up
You sister and you are both at similar places in your lives - motherhood. You have so much to share, it will be nothing short of magical

This is a good thing. Try and swallow the knot in your stomach and just live in the now Easier said than done, I understand.

Will you be meeting her in person soon?