10 things breastfeeding advocates should stop saying

[wysiwyg]

Interesting I am a BF'er but from observation/conversations with others I do agree with most of the points on the list, in particular agree with point 2, 3, & 5 (as in agree they are things that should not be said) - however also as a BF mum I think it would be great if the article also showed the opposite and have a list of 10 things breastfeeding advocates should say (or just any BF mum can say)- as unless you have walked in someone else's shoes is difficult to know how they feel and what are useful/helpful things to say.

Number 9 - about it coming naturally and finding it easy, I find interesting, as I hardly ever hear this said, and personally I think sometimes the impression that BF is always difficult does put some people off - when for some people (probably not the majority though) it can be easy. If you believe something is going to be difficult it often is, but also the better informed you are the better you are able to cope with the difficulties so it is a tricky one.

[Tinks]

Number 9 - about it coming naturally and finding it easy, I find interesting, as I hardly ever hear this said, and personally I think sometimes the impression that BF is always difficult does put some people off - when for some people (probably not the majority though) it can be easy. If you believe something is going to be difficult it often is, but also the better informed you are the better you are able to cope with the difficulties so it is a tricky one.

For me, I think what they're getting at are the comments about BF being convenient. You can just lie your baby in bed ith you for a night feed, it's always available 24/7. Those kind of comments.

[Jellyfish]

Interesting thoughts, definitely understand most of them.

In regards to the convenience comments Tinks (which I personally don't see falling under any of the above points but wouldn't want to offend unintentionally so am trying to clarify), is breastfeeding not convenient? Would it be better for people to say "I found breastfeeding convenient because..."? I just don't see how denying its convenience helps anyone or how highlighting some of the benefits of breastfeeding detracts from formula feeding. What is it about those comments that is offensive and how would it be better to phrase them?

[Mad Scientist]

Interesting thoughts, definitely understand most of them.

In regards to the convenience comments Tinks (which I personally don't see falling under any of the above points but wouldn't want to offend unintentionally so am trying to clarify), is breastfeeding not convenient? Would it be better for people to say "I found breastfeeding convenient because..."? I just don't see how denying its convenience helps anyone or how highlighting some of the benefits of breastfeeding detracts from formula feeding. What is it about those comments that is offensive and how would it be better to phrase them?

I think it's more that many people do actually believe that ff is more convenient than bf (I don't agree but anyway). Many people have made comments about ff mums being lazy and taking the 'easy' way out by ff when in reality bf can be extremely convenient...once you and baby get the hang of it
I think it's the intent of the comments rather than the phrasing most of the time (and no I don't mean comments being taken the wrong way!!) some women will say outright that ff mums are lazy. Others say it in a roundabout way. I think the best thing to do is just not comment unless it's brought up. Each to their own and all that jazz

[BellyBelly]

Interesting that it been posted in the formula section Do you think this may foster more of the us vs them attitude? Not all breastfeeders read this forum too, myself included.

[Tinks]

Which section should it have been posted in Kelly?

I'm always getting into trouble for posting threads in the wrong area, I actually thought that since this was related to FF it should be posted here. I'd love it if you could move it to a more suitable section.

It had nothing to do with Us v them. Why is there always an us v them???

[BellyBelly]

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...t-best-120301/

This was posted in 2009.

[Mad Scientist]

I hope not Kelly. I think it's just giving awareness. I think if it was posted in the bf section it would be more inflammatory to be honest even though the intent is perfectly good. It would be lovely to have a list from bf mums too.

[mel_cur]

Interesting that it been posted in the formula section Do you think this may foster more of the us vs them attitude?

There IS already.

[delphmoon]

Interesting that it been posted in the formula section Do you think this may foster more of the us vs them attitude?

Interesting it is YOU that makes the comment Kelly. Where else is this post meant to go? This is a formula feeding SUPPORT group after all isn't it. I find this post empowering to the FF mother..is that such a bad thing?

For the first time I was enjoying reading through a thread relating to FF without the usual banter between FF's and others not so keen on FF and then wham- your comment. Thanks for drawing attention to the 'divide' (in a thread that was actually supportive and smooth) when you could have been supportive and said 'interesting post' or something.

Dissapointed!

[Jahzara]

I LOVE this article !

Thanks for sharing Tinks

[Jewel]

Thanks for sharing.

xox

[RainbowBrite]

Thank you for posting.
I have done both BF and FF.
I did find it came naturally but my tiny prems did not thrive on it (they got 7mths) so had no guilt swapping to high fat formula.

[~ Mylitta ~]

Number 9 - about it coming naturally and finding it easy, I find interesting, as I hardly ever hear this said, and personally I think sometimes the impression that BF is always difficult does put some people off - when for some people (probably not the majority though) it can be easy. If you believe something is going to be difficult it often is, but also the better informed you are the better you are able to cope with the difficulties so it is a tricky one.

I'm glad you've written this. I also believe that if you think something is going to be hard it often is. I had only done a little research on breastfeeding before DS was born. I'd read the basics about attachment and positioning etc... and had information on lactation consultants just in case we had difficulties. I was determined that breastfeeding was going to come naturally and easy for both of us, and I am so grateful that this turned out to be the case for us. I've often wondered if things would have been different if I had known how hard breastfeeding could be for some people. I was amazed when I started a mother's group and found out that almost all of the mothers had had some kind of problem with breastfeeding. I'm thankful that I hadn't heard those stories beforehand and that I had a completely positive outlook for my breastfeeding.

For that reason I'm happy to share my "easy" breastfeeding journey with others. Obviously I am careful with how I word things because I'd hate to make anyone feel inadequate or guilty (because they aren't!), but I think it's good for expecting mothers to know that breastfeeding CAN come naturally and easily to some, and that it's not something to be feared. Being prepared to ask for help is wise, but if you want to prepare for the worst case scenario, then you should also prepare for the best case scenario

[Samcougar]

Tinks thankyou so much, I have been beside myself with guilt so much these last few weeks because i have been unable to supply my DD with enough breast milk to satisfy her, I now have to FF thanks again i feel a bit better about it now

[Kazbah]

WYSIWYG - here's the other article :


Top 10 Things Breastfeeding Advocates SHOULD Say
by AMY on MAY 28, 2011
Because of the overwhelming response to my post on The Top 10 Things Breastfeeding Advocates Should Stop Saying, here’s a companion post on the Top 10 Things Breastfeeding Advocates SHOULD Say.

1. “You can do it!”
I know, I know: isn’t this directly contradicting #1 from the things breastfeeding advocates should NOT say? Well, bear with me: while we shouldn’t assume every mom can breastfeed, being positive and encouraging with our fellow mamas is awesome. Support and positive affirmations can give a much-needed boost to an expecting mama’s confidence and that’s a great thing! We just need to be mindful that sometimes positive thoughts and will to succeed won’t enable a mom to nurse her baby.

2. ”Use a cover if that’s your personal preference for NIP (Nursing In Public).”
This is a very divisive issue in the “lactivist” community. On the one hand, using covers can send the message that breastfeeding is something that should be concealed. That adds stigma to nursing in public, no doubt, and can be a way to shame moms. Commitment to the idea that a nursing mom should not use a cover can’t interfere with actual breastfeeding, though. If a mom prefers to use a cover when she breastfeeds, she’s breastfeeding. Encouraging her no matter how she chooses to do it is really important.

3. ”You can have a drink or two and you probably don’t have to ‘pump & dump.’”
The facts on this one are clear: if a mom wants to have an alcoholic drink or two, that’s compatible with breastfeeding. If she’s not comfortable and doesn’t want to, that’s okay, too. Most of the time, it’s not necessary to “pump & dump,” either. Alcohol metabolizes out of breastmilk the same way it metabolizes out of blood, so as mom becomes sober, so does her milk. Milk expressed *while* mom is inebriated should be discarded and moms should pump if they’re missing nursing sessions while they’re away from baby.

4. “You need to supplement? These are the options.”
If a mom is saying she needs to supplement, giving her ALL the options are key; not just the ones we want her to use. That means discussing milk banks, milk sharing, maybe even wet-nursing, AND formula. Because as much as we want all moms to have access to breastmilk for their babies, not all of them will (or will want to). Accepting choices for supplementation that aren’t aligned with what we would personally do comes along with offering any advice in the first place. (And of course, if you suspect a mom might not need to supplement, you can always back into the conversation about her reasons for thinking she needs to — after you give her the info she asked for on supplementation.)

5. “Breastfeeding is natural, but it’s not always easy.”
Giving moms a realistic picture of the learning curve of breastfeeding is important. Because we’ve lost a generation of breastfeeding moms, we haven’t grown up seeing it. We don’t know how it works. So giving moms a realistic take on what it will be like is key, and it sets the expectation that they’ll need to prepare for breastfeeding (take a class, see a mom breastfeed in person, read a book, watch a movie -anything that prepares her to be successful at nursing her baby). She should know that there are Booby Traps out there before any of them are staring her in the face.

6. “You don’t want to breastfeed? That’s okay.”
I know some of you are cringing right now. But hear me out: meeting moms where they are means we’re going to meet a lot of them in that exact place. We live in a formula-dominated culture and a lot of moms expect to use it; they are uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeding and they might not want to. (Ask me, I was one of them!) Bringing a mom who’s on the fence to a place where she actually wants to try breastfeeding means honestly accepting her thoughts and feelings on the subject – whatever they may be – and moving on from there.

7. “You want to breastfeed? Here are some resources.”
Encouragement will only take us so far and awesome resources need to pick up where that leaves off. When an expecting mom shares that she’s going to breastfeed, it’s good to have a few resources to offer: a great book or website on breastfeeding (like Best for Babes), the local La Leche League chapter info, etc-. Having the number of a local IBCLC is great, too!

8. “ANY amount of breastfeeding is fantastic!”
We aren’t doing ourselves any favors by setting the bar impossibly high. For some moms, exclusive breastfeeding is something that circumstances might not allow. In those instances, encouraging moms for the breastfeeding they are doing is key. Second-guessing them, judging them: these negative reactions are going to discourage mom. Could she be doing more to be exclusively nursing? Maybe, but tread lightly: answering “I breastfeed and supplement” with “Here’s how to breastfeed MORE!” leaves mom feeling like she’s not doing a good enough job. Instead, answering with encouragement and then giving her more info on how to nurse more if she wants it, is the way to go.

9. “You used formula? That’s okay.”
I can already see the fingers hitting the keyboard to tell me that’s most certainly not okay. Again, bear with me: If we can’t accept what a mom has already done, we’re not helping her. If she’s used formula, it’s done. Giving her the space to talk about that freely and without judgment is the biggest favor we can do for her. If a mom has used formula in the past and we slap her with a knee-jerk judgment at the word ‘formula,’ we close the door to any further conversation (like how she might breastfeed her next baby, if she’s interested in discussing it). We don’t necessarily have to condone it, but at least meeting sans judgment is a must.

10. “I am proud that I breastfed my child.”
Breastfeeding is an amazing thing! Mamas should own their successes and be proud of them. It’s an accomplishment and it’s okay to talk about it! Sharing our successes is one way to let moms who are on the fence know that this can be done. Like any other accomplishment, there are tactful and acceptable ways to brag on the wonderful thing we’ve done by breastfeeding. It’s a feather in the cap of motherhood; not a parenting trump card.


I particularly like # 9, 8 & 4.

My local ABA asked me to be the demonstration BFing mum at the education session - fully aware that I comp feed with formula! Now *that's* what I call acceptance

[BellyBelly]

Well is this something you just want FF mothers to hear? From my perspective, it's like saying, 'Yeah, them bf advocates, they shouldnt say this to us!' whereas if it was in the general forums its sharing with all, and saying, hey I agree with this, its great info... But it's just my own thoughts, not a judgement, I was asking a question.

All the support groups have been kept private (i.e. you need to be a member or request to be in the group, not a random internet visitor), as before we even started the group (yes we did it so FF'ers could help support one another) they felt attacked and judged and wanted their own space, so I did my best to have a little place for you here on BB.

Everyone seems to be focusing on how they're being treated and not appreciating the efforts we do make to help. If you look at it from our perspective, it was something we did to help you and provide you with what you need, but then you're just disappointed for whatever you get.

I have no problems in making it open. But it was done that way from the VERY beginning for a purpose to support YOU from what you said you were sick of. I never contribute to any threads in here bar this one.

[Tinks]

Well is this something you just want FF mothers to hear? From my perspective, it's like saying, 'Yeah, them bf advocates, they shouldnt say this to us!' whereas if it was in the general forums its sharing with all, and saying, hey I agree with this, its great info... But it's just my own thoughts, not a judgement, I was asking a question.

All the support groups have been kept private (i.e. you need to be a member or request to be in the group, not a random internet visitor), as before we even started the group (yes we did it so FF'ers could help support one another) they felt attacked and judged and wanted their own space, so I did my best to have a little place for you here on BB.

Everyone seems to be focusing on how they're being treated and not appreciating the efforts we do make to help. If you look at it from our perspective, it was something we did to help you and provide you with what you need, but then you're just disappointed for whatever you get.

I have no problems in making it open. But it was done that way from the VERY beginning for a purpose to support YOU from what you said you were sick of. I never contribute to any threads in here bar this one.

Like I said earlier, I am happy for you to move this to a more suitable forum.