I am lucky 3rd time around & am still feeding DS at 7 months. It keeps coming into my mind to decide when to stop, but I freak out about stopping. I am no where near ready yet, & I am ok with that, but I'm scared I'll never stop. I'm making up for so much lost time with my girls.
I fell pg with DD1 at 17. I was way too young, I knew nothing, & I had no real support.
In my favour I had the fact that I was quite mature for 17 & I did know that I wanted a natural labour & to BF. & I did read alot.
The labour went reasonably well. I did have gas & pethidine, & t was kinda long, but I birthed vaginally & ended up with no stitches.
I put DD1 to the breast about 20 minutes to half an hour after birth. The pain was instant. In everything I had read, there really wasn't anything at all about BFing & I just assumed as it was natural & something the body is made to do that it would be easy. I was definetely not prepared.
So the MW checked my attatchment & said everything looked fine. Just said that sometimes women with fair skin can have pain while feeding. I don't have fair skin, its quite dark, but I do have very light coloured nipples & areola's. They are also quite small - they did get bigger whilst pg, but only maybe 3 - 4 cm across the areola & still only faint pink colour.
I kept feeding her. I think 2 more times I was checked for attatchment & all looked fine, but the pain was there every feed. The feeling like a needle/pin being pushed through my nipple at all angles.
When DD1 was 2 weeks old I was at the MCHN. She also checked attachment. All good again.
By the time she was 6 weeks old I was in tears feeding her. It hurt & it was getting worse. I went & bought a manual breast pump.
For about a week I spent about an hour expressing, then about an hour BFing & giving the EBM. It was taking forever to express & I wasn't getting very much at a time. Around 20 mls.
So I bought FF. I did BF/FF for a couple of weeks. She was mostly on the FF.
I gave her her last BF at 10 weeks old.
I felt so guilty. I think the fact that I was only 18 added to it. I wanted to prove to everyone that just because I was a young mum didn't mean I couldn't do the best for my child.
I was diagnosed with PND, offered counselling, but I wasn't too worried myself, so I didn't go.
3 years later. DD2.
I had a great labour. It was long with pre labour, but so calm & relaxing & drug free.
DD2 went to the breast almost instantly. It was amazing. There was no pain.
I had read about BFing this time around. How to toughen them up & prepare your nipples for feeding. Things were great!
Till she was 4 weeks old. I had no problems feeding in front of people I knew, but when a friends BIL was at her house I felt a bit awkward. I tried to attatch DD2 under my shirt so noone would see. BIG mistake. I put her on wrong & was cracked & bleeding.
The pain was excruciating. This time I was cracked. I don't know what the pain was last time, but this was pretty much the same except I could see why it was there.
I was scared of pain while BFing, so I gave her a few FF's. The next day I went to feed her & things were good again. I had healed up.
So we were kinda back on track. Except for her colic. DD2 had bad colic & for 10 weeks she was up screaming til 3am EVERY night. From about 1 week old.
I was sleep deprived & had a toddler to take care of. It was hard.
Then the pain started. I had too much going on without dealing with that as well. I gave up. We had both developed thrush & I was hoping that FF would also help with the colic.
I had no idea that thrush causes pain til I had DS, so I just assumed the pain I had with DD1 was back.
I also had PND again & it was suspected that I didn't get over it from DD1.
It was all too much, so she was put on FF full time again. I think her last BF was about 5 weeks.
I felt guilty up til DS was born. DD1 is asthmatic & DD2 gets eczema. 2 of the things it is suspected BFing helps with. I do know that both are also genetic & they do run in both sides of the family, but thats no consulation.
At 6 weeks I had problems with DS. My nipples are still very sensitive, but its not excrutiating. Its bearable. I nearly gave up, but I was a crying mess about it & my PND which I had so far avoided was coming back full force, so I rang my MCHN.
Along with a phone call to a LC we sorted it out. I had thrush & was cracked.
I used Nilstat & nipple sheilds for a couple of days & its all gone smoothly since.
I feel so much better. I am still suffering with PND, but BFing DS is the only thing I do that makes me feel like I'm here for a reason.
I'm very lucky this time around, & I don't mean to rub it in to anyone else. I just know how lucky I am this time around. I finally feel that I am worth something to my children.
Thank you for sharing your stories. It is so sad there is such a lack of support - both practical and emotional. I hope that by writing it out, it has helped you to process it all.
Cheekymonkey - what a great idea to debrief with a LC. I am sorry that it hasn't helped you feel better, but I hope that in time it does.
Cheekymonkey - that's a heartbreaking situation to be in. When your body has grown in an odd way, and won't do what it is meant to, and that affects how you can interact with your bub it is really hard.
Make sure that you do as many nice things with your bub as you can - bazillions of cuddles, seeing the world together, reading him your favourite books, and so on. Focus on all the wonderful things you can do together rather than dwelling on the one special thing that didn't work, although you tried so very hard.
And - while BF helps settle babies, it isn't a magic fix-it every time. Some of the other things we have to use are walks (in the pram or in a carrier), rocking (usually on my lap on an office chair, swivelling back and forth), music (bub likes silverchair and isn't big on lullabies, but whatever works...), going somewhere noisy and interesting, walking around showing him lights and colours, rubbing his tummy and back, sitting in his room and talking to him while he settles, and so on.
hugs
Kate
Last edited by Kmn; October 12th, 2008 at 11:13 AM.
I like some of the others didn't notice any real difference with my breasts during the pregnancy. I went up one size - that's it - 18DD. I always expected I'd breast feed. I never expected issues. I also had flat nipples but my mum successfully breastfed with them so why shouldn't I be able to?
It was a long, painful labour & traumatic birth. He was placed on my chest as soon as regular respirations were established. He nuzzled as he should.
Brock was in my room at first but didn't seem to be latching on. The midwives in the ward gave me a bit of help but I just didn't feel it was working. He then went to SCU that night because of a temp caused by infection.
Once he went into SCU I had heaps of help from the midwives. One was present for every feed. He had to be given formula top ups in a cup as he was losing weight. My milk didn't come in til day 3 & there was hardly any there. Nipple shields helped slightly but not greatly. He was so groggy from the antibiotics he could barely feed, he also had jaundice which made it worse. I was woken 3 hourly overnight to feed. Brock was woken as well if he wasn't awake. The SCU was not the best area to try to breastfeed but I couldn't take him out of there. It was really busy in there and you could hear others having problems - one lady arguing with the father of her child every night on the phone - another who was screaming because she couldn't sit down after giving birth & they were trying to get her to BF in the SCU - not the best environment to be in when you are experiencing BF difficulties.
After 3 nights I was discharged to a bonding room. The first night they brought Brock in to me whenever they wanted him to feed. I had no control over this as they said he had to put on weight or he would not be discharged. The top ups continued. The 2nd night there (5th night) he was in my room. Finally I could control when he would get fed. I stressed all night (don't think I got any sleep) because I worried he'd be staying in hossy & I would be sent home. I was also feeling lots of pain from my episiotomy & I was only taking panadol. I needed to take forte but I'd been told that it could cause Brock to be even sleepier. I felt so low those last 24 hours.
We were allowed to leave together the next night. Finally I was in full control. The pain was worse when I started to walk around & still I couldn't do much about it. I took an electric pump home with me & started pumping after every feed. I very rarely got more than 20. It was so disappointing. I got very little sleep between BF & top ups with EBM then top ups with FF & all that pumping. My MCHN said if it's not working just give up - no need to be a martyr. I perservered for a while longer. Expressing more often or for longer did not result in a bigger supply. I did not want to take medications to try to increase my supply as there's a history of breast cancer in my family & I was a little paranoid about the effect of doing this could have.
I eventually saw a LC. She walked in the door & said "he's thriving". She checked that he still had the instinct in him to BF because by this stage everything was being fed by bottle as I just couldn't face putting him on the breast as he just didn't attach. She said he still had the instinct but that because he was thriving on mostly FF there was absolutely no need for me to keep expressing. Such small amounts would make no difference to him that far along (6 weeks) and that he'd had what he really needed in those very early days. She said I could keep going if I really wanted to but there was no need to.
I stopped expressing that very day. I felt so much better instantly. If only I'd realised how much better I'd feel if I just gave up I would've done it sooner.
i hated my whole BF and i feel so guilty that i didnt sick with it now but i had no support.
ok i might have this wrong but when u have bub and u have that skin to skin contact dont u usually feed then, not straight away but u try b4 like 6 hrs later or somethign dont u.
i felt so robbed. i have seen so many pics and stories of the first boobie feed and i asked if i was emnt to be feeding her or if i coudl try and they said no. i didnt even get to go with ehr to get measured or anythignthey just took DH and bub away after about 5 min and i didnt see them again for nearly 30mins.
after i got all cleaned up and got settled back into my room had a few visitors they came in and told me i shoudl try to feed her. i coudlnt get ehr to attach so they grabbed her head and just smoshed her face into me until she screamed and opened her mouth then they held her against me. i was nearly crying it didnt look liek she coudl breath.
this happened nearly every feed for the first 2 days. i got her to attach the end of the 2nd day by myself i told them it hurt asked if i was ment to feel a bit of pain or wat they just said it wazs goodi got her on. by the time i got home i had a huge chuck of skin flapping off both of my nipples. i coulnt even express my left one and i got mastitis.
i had a nurse come visit and i was so upset i coudlnt feed dd would latch on at all. she basically told me to deal with it and express for a day. all i could get out was a few drops which was mostly blood anyways. i asked about nipple shields i was told they woudl hurt more.
then i asked my mum she just pushed me to formula. asked the nurse wat formula and how much she woudlnt tell me but woudlnt help me BF either.
Then i dried up within a day.
I really wanted to BF and i feel liek i really missed out and had absolutly no help.
Sassy,
that sounds like the feeding intro from hell - I'm sorry you and Jayda had such a horrid time of it.
If bub is healthy, it is best to try and feed as soon as possible after birth - like within an hour. So having to wait that long wasn't the best of starts. And the "help" afterwards doesn't sound like much help either.
i made the decision to stop BFing yesterday and i am hating myself for it. I know its what was best for Mia and my sanity but i feel like i have betrayed her. I was getting very close to slipping into PND from BFing her and i cant understand y. I was crying every day when BFing her and i cry everyday now that im not. She is so much happier on the bottle and if it was just the bottle issue then i would express full time but i just dont seem to have the supply or cant get enough out to meet her demands. I was feeling at peace with my decision yesterday and now all i feel is sadness. Why couldnt i just BF her like normal ppl do.. it makes me so angry! im crying now writing this as i have so many emotions running through me. Another thing.. when i was Bfing, Dp had this huge issue about me feeding her infront of ppl.. even my mum! when the hell was i meant to feed her? just let her starve coz i have visitors? so this made us fight all the time. I think im just going to feel like a failure every moment of my life.
Hollye. I am so sorry that you are going through this. The first weeks with a nb are a roller-coaster ride of emotion so the good news is that you are normal, even though I know you feel anything but. Please try to be kind to yourself. You are in no way a failure hun. Tell yourself that over and over. Because it's true. You have had a really rough time and you are taking control and trying to get past it.
The thing is that there is no easy path here. Give yourself time to get used to being a mum. YOu will feel better when the hormones ease and you are getting some more sleep. I promise you, you WILL feel better. This is the start of a wonderful journey called motherhood. And you hun, are doing a great job of it so far. Take care hun, and know that we are all here for you.
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