Very interesting thread.

I like some of the others didn't notice any real difference with my breasts during the pregnancy. I went up one size - that's it - 18DD. I always expected I'd breast feed. I never expected issues. I also had flat nipples but my mum successfully breastfed with them so why shouldn't I be able to?

It was a long, painful labour & traumatic birth. He was placed on my chest as soon as regular respirations were established. He nuzzled as he should.

Brock was in my room at first but didn't seem to be latching on. The midwives in the ward gave me a bit of help but I just didn't feel it was working. He then went to SCU that night because of a temp caused by infection.

Once he went into SCU I had heaps of help from the midwives. One was present for every feed. He had to be given formula top ups in a cup as he was losing weight. My milk didn't come in til day 3 & there was hardly any there. Nipple shields helped slightly but not greatly. He was so groggy from the antibiotics he could barely feed, he also had jaundice which made it worse. I was woken 3 hourly overnight to feed. Brock was woken as well if he wasn't awake. The SCU was not the best area to try to breastfeed but I couldn't take him out of there. It was really busy in there and you could hear others having problems - one lady arguing with the father of her child every night on the phone - another who was screaming because she couldn't sit down after giving birth & they were trying to get her to BF in the SCU - not the best environment to be in when you are experiencing BF difficulties.

After 3 nights I was discharged to a bonding room. The first night they brought Brock in to me whenever they wanted him to feed. I had no control over this as they said he had to put on weight or he would not be discharged. The top ups continued. The 2nd night there (5th night) he was in my room. Finally I could control when he would get fed. I stressed all night (don't think I got any sleep) because I worried he'd be staying in hossy & I would be sent home. I was also feeling lots of pain from my episiotomy & I was only taking panadol. I needed to take forte but I'd been told that it could cause Brock to be even sleepier. I felt so low those last 24 hours.

We were allowed to leave together the next night. Finally I was in full control. The pain was worse when I started to walk around & still I couldn't do much about it. I took an electric pump home with me & started pumping after every feed. I very rarely got more than 20. It was so disappointing. I got very little sleep between BF & top ups with EBM then top ups with FF & all that pumping. My MCHN said if it's not working just give up - no need to be a martyr. I perservered for a while longer. Expressing more often or for longer did not result in a bigger supply. I did not want to take medications to try to increase my supply as there's a history of breast cancer in my family & I was a little paranoid about the effect of doing this could have.

I eventually saw a LC. She walked in the door & said "he's thriving". She checked that he still had the instinct in him to BF because by this stage everything was being fed by bottle as I just couldn't face putting him on the breast as he just didn't attach. She said he still had the instinct but that because he was thriving on mostly FF there was absolutely no need for me to keep expressing. Such small amounts would make no difference to him that far along (6 weeks) and that he'd had what he really needed in those very early days. She said I could keep going if I really wanted to but there was no need to.

I stopped expressing that very day. I felt so much better instantly. If only I'd realised how much better I'd feel if I just gave up I would've done it sooner.

He's still going strong on formula.

I don't regret making that decision that day.